Hello Jihad
The Czar is not sure that we have received prior mail from TexAggie 04, code-named because he is from Texas, went to A&M, and like most of the people from Texas A&M has about four friends. Fortunately, he likes the Gormogons, so we beg his forgiveness. If this is indeed his first time writing in, he is most welcome to do so again.
| She has also infiltrated the ranks of high level jihadists. |
Indeed, the first picture has been circulating for such a long time that the Czar suspects it is much older than the ISIS brand name. However, what the heck. It certainly reveals two things about the Islamic State.
- We have infiltrated their ranks, so their destruction is truly nigh.
- They paid twice as much as they should have for that notebook. Suckers.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.