‘Puter’s classy. He’s got his ‘n’ hers outhouses.

Here’s what’s rattling around in ‘Puter’s head this morning, in no particular order.

• ‘Puter agrees with GorT. There’s precious little chance the IRS inadvertently “lost” Lois Lerner’s emails. To so thoroughly erase all traces of such emails requires more than passing familiarity with IT protocols. Such erasure requires intentional and knowing actions, also known as premeditation. If such destruction were done with intent to prevent compliance with a lawful subpoena, it’s criminal.
• The World Cup has been great fun so far. If ‘Puter had to pick a winner at this point, he’d have to go with Germany, with the Netherlands a close second. Spain shat the bed, losing its first two matches and is already eliminated. Brazil is good on paper, but has shown little on the field. Plus, by all rights, Brazil should’ve drawn Croatia in the opening match.
• Vita brevis est. Or, the in the immortal words of Sublime, “Life is too short, so love the one you got ‘cause you might get run over or you might get shot.”
• ‘Puter’s thinking he’ll grill himself up some brined two inch thick pork chops tonight, boil up some salt potatoes, steam some green beans, buy himself a fresh bâtard from Wegmans and wash it all down with a Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA or two.
• Iraq is a massive fustercluck. Yes, George W. Bush got America embroiled in Iraq. But let’s not forget that in 2003, 77% of the country, nearly all of the world’s intelligence agencies, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Harry Reid (despite later lying about it) all favored invading Iraq to prevent Saddam Hussein from unleashing chemical and biological weapons on the world.
• Iraq is a massive fustercluck. Yes, Barack Obama botched the draw down and eventual complete withdrawal from Iraq, which lead directly to the current Sunni extremist uprising and chaos. But let’s not forget that the entire country is war weary and ready to be done with Iraq.
• Iraq is a massive fustercluck. There’s plenty of blame to go around on all sides. Let’s just fix the damned problem and quit pointing fingers.
• Hillary Clinton is a horrible candidate. She’s already clearly defined in the public’s mind, with about 40% thinking she’s an ideal candidate and about 40% thinking she’s a slightly more capable, slightly less liberal Obama redux. If Clinton chooses to run, it will be ugly for her, ugly for anyone who gets in her way, and ugly for America.
• Both of Obama’s press secretaries (Robert Gibbs and Jay Carney) have been execrable, lying sacks of horse manure. Both lied to the press and both lied to America. They may have bailed out of the White House to get rich whoring themselves out on K Street, but there will be a steep price to pay in the afterlife.
• ObamaCare may be the entitlement straw that breaks the fiscal camel’s back. Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security alone already had the country’s fisc in a death spiral. Along comes ObamaCare, with its subsidized premiums and insurance company bailouts, to pile on. We have seen ObamaCare costs exceed projections already, probably because when something is “free,” people have no compunction about overusing it.
• The Republican establishment needs get its crap together and figure out how it’s going to take back the Senate in November. First, tell Thad Cochran his time in the Senate is over and send him home with whatever the Senate equivalent of a gold watch is. Second, Mitch McConnell should pull Harry Reid aside now and make it clear to Reid that when – not if – Republicans take back the Senate, whoever the Majority Leader may be will do his best to ensure Nevada gets not one penny of federal money so long as Reid remains in the Senate. Last, Republicans need to go negative from now until November, hammering home how bad Democrat policies have been for America, with tailoring for the individual state issues.
• ‘Puter is a lousy mail bag person. He’s gotten numerous emails recently, but hasn’t had opportunity to respond. For that, he apologizes to his correspondents. That said, try ‘Puter on Twitter, he’s usually pretty responsive there, since the 140 word limit pretty much match his attention span.

That’s a lot to dump on readers this early in the morning. ‘Puter’s got to work now, with a break at 10:00 to see what wisdom the Supreme Court will share with us today.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.