|Who knew Burkina Faso had a
Pride Parade? Czar. that’s who.
Operative SMR reports in from Upper Volta* where he’s on a super-secret mission for Czar and ‘Puter to discover a new fruit-based mixer to spice up our favorite drink, the Flaming Czar.**
The Leaping Peacock took the Flaming Czar off its extensive cocktail menu after Oasis’ tempestuous Liam and Noel Gallagher got lost and stumbled into the bar, whereupon Czar and ‘Puter fed them Flaming Czars until les frères Gallagher torched their tour bus in the parking lot with their band mates still on board.
Operative SMR writes regarding ‘Puter’s magnum opus post yesterday, Republicans’ 2014 and 2016 Mantra Must Be “All Jobs, All The Time.” If you haven’t read the brilliance that is ‘Puter’s mind on Adderall XR, you really ought to do so. ‘Puter’ll be here when you get back.
** To make your own Flaming Czar at home, follow these easy steps. In a 55 gallon metal drum (do not use plastic, as the Flaming Czar eats holes through it) mix a five gallon bucket of Sterno and a five gallon bucket of Carolina Reaper hot peppers blended with a 12 pack of Dave’s Gourmet Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce (available online at Walmart for only $73.74). Fill the remainder of the bucket with Popov Vodka (“Russia’s Finest” at $12.99 for a 1.75 liter handle). Cover, and place in your nearest tundra overnight to allow the flavors to blend. To serve, use smelting tongs to dip a 16 ounce mason jar into the drum to fill it. Be careful not to jostle the drum (Flaming Czars have been known to spontaneously combust) or touch the liquid itself. Using a TIG welder while wearing a blacksmith’s apron and welder’s mask, ignite the Flaming Czar from a safe distance. Enjoy!****
*** ‘Puter and Czar will never accept Upper Volta’s uppity successor country Burkina Faso and it’s too-cool-for-school capital Ouagadougou. Czar once punched Burkina Faso’s entire United Nations delegation in the kidneys at a UNICEF fundraising soccer match between legless child victims of Sudan’s ongoing war and Syrian orphans blinded by chemical weapons attacks.
**** Nota bene: Some Flaming Czar imbibers have been known to spontaneously and in a totally non-homosexual way experience a pink sock. At best, be prepared for an extended period of uncontrollable, fiery diarrhea and vivid hallucinations. Czar and ‘Puter don’t experience either of these side effect, as they’re inured to alcohol related issues. Too, there’s some question as to whether ‘Puter’s actually human.