Male Bag!: ‘Puter’s Tardy In Responding To JAB, Of Doublewide Fame
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| So this is where Czar goes on vacation! |
‘Puter’s had a heckuva start to the New Year, what with picking up pieces of year-end 2013 closings at the office, and dealing with back-to-school craziness at home. In the rush, ‘Puter failed to timely post Operative JAB’s totally awesome take on ‘Puter’s (most recent) take on media bias in the Bridgegate (not yet a) scandal.
Note to JAB: Next time you send a report utilizing rearranged carbon chains in used motor oil, please put the motor oil in a container prior to transmission. Thanks in advance.
Anyway, JAB writes:
Dear Mr. Puter:
Regarding your observation of the differential treatment meted out by the national media [“There are substantial differences in media response to Bridgegate (the media’s making Torquemada look understanding) and Obama’s IRS scandal (*crickets*).”] , I would like to offer a handy rule of evaluation: The larger the gap between coverage of the actual event and the coverage of the fill-in-the-blank-Gate afterwards, the more certain you can be that the media is out to create “NEWS.”
While I am certain that those affected by the traffic jams and local NYC/NJ media paid VERY close attention to the problem back in October, the national media did not. The traffic chaos in New Jersey was not considered national news by cable, nor can I recall reading anything online. This would be entirely consistent with coverage typically given to a horrendous accident that closes both sides of a heavily-travelled interstate, right? Maybe it gets a mention, especially if there is some dramatic video of flames shooting from a tanker truck or miles of jammed cars, but that is about it. Local importance does equal national news.
Now contrast that dearth of coverage of the actual event, with the saturation of coverage of “Bridgegate.” Suddenly, what was a non-news-event*** is elevated to a status deserving uninterrupted coverage of lengthy press-conferences, commentary on op-ed pages across the country, and much-too-much solemn analysis on “the Sunday shows.”
Happy New Year to you and yours from the Doublewide,
JAB
***although not to those directly affected!
Well put. The closure of lanes on the George Washington Bridge between Fort Lee, NJ and New York, NY was a non-news event precisely because nothing really newsworthy happened. ‘Puter’d say, though, that if Gov. Christie actually did order the Code Orange,* then the event is newsworthy, no matter the distance between the event itself and the manufactured outrage.
‘Puter does think that Bridgegate could be a career ending scandal for Gov. Christie if, and it’s a big if, he’s lying. There’s no proof that Gov. Christie’s lied to anyone about anything at this point.
‘Puter’s simply annoyed that scandals resulting in far more damage to actual people (Benghazi) and to the body politic (IRS) are ignored by media because the malfeasors are Democrats, whereas an as yet unproven scandal that inconvenienced obnoxious New York City area residents for a few days is covered as if it were, well, Watergate.
‘Puter’s had it with the media. He knows they can’t be trusted to fairly report anything involving politics. As such, ‘Puter will henceforth refer to all members of the media, male and female, as Walter Duranty.
If you don’t know who Pulitzer prize winning Mr. Duranty is, use the Google or ask a Ukrainian, kids.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.