An asshat up in North Dakota is trying to establish a White Suprmacist “enclave” for any like-minded salamanders who are looking for a blackless and Jewless place to live. Some news reports are saying that he is spectacularly unsuccessful; more openly pro-Democratic sources are saying this apparent Republican has long lines of interest racists forming.

So the Czar, annoyed by the discrepancy, tweeted the following:

CZ: News stories on white supremacist trying to create racist camp in ND not mentioning he's a Democrat. Surprise. http://t.co/knGw3SzxFa

— The Gormogons (@Gormogons) August 31, 2013

Long-time (proof)reader and would-be editor BG swung over to the Leaping Peacock, nicely purchased a round of Nitro Milk Stout for the Czar, and started a discussion. First, how does the Czar know the guy is a Democrat?

The Czar replied that this moron fits the profile. “He’s an atheist, Jew-hating, Nazi-loving, KKK-affiliated creep who wants to form a communal group to fit in. Also, and most tellingly, the news reports are not trumpeting the guy is a Republican, and therefore are likely conspiring to hide his Democrat voting record.”

BG replied, “So your argument boils down to, ‘I can tell he’s a Democrat because he has friends in the KKK, he’s an atheist, he wants to start a commune, and the news story doesn’t identify his political affiliation.’

“That last would be dispositive if he were running for political office. But he’s not, so his political affiliation is really irrelevant to the story, as irrelevant as Fred Phelps’s (to dredge up another bucket of pond scum).

“Yes, some Dems are racists—the KKK was, after all, founded by the Democrats. And some Dems are atheists, as spending an hour in a Unitarian church on Sunday will amply demonstrate for you (I’m convinced most Unitarians are atheists who don’t want to say so publicly). And a lot of the 1960s hippies who destroyed their brains in communes ended up destroying their cities as Democrats in their city councils.

“But this guy’s curriculum vitae screams that he’s just another of life’s losers who’s blaming The Other for his troubles (which, I will stipulate, is characteristic Democrat behavior). The story mentions that he owns up to having been fired from two jobs, which means he’s probably been fired from a lot more. He even got fired from a job in a North Dakota oil field, ‘because of a dispute with a co-worker…’. That must have been some ‘dispute’ in a part of the country where labor is so valuable that truck drivers make $80,000 a year and you can make $25 an hour waiting tables. The dispute probably wasn’t over whether to go to Wendy’s or Burger King for lunch; I submit that it almost certainly ended in physical injury.

“This guy isn’t a 1960s hippie commune refugee. If you asked him if he was a Democrat or a Republican, his answer would probably be that he hates them both because they’re letting the blacks take over (of course, he’d substitute some other word for ‘black’).”

The Czar nodded and sipped his Nitro. “ This guy has all the earmarks of an old-fashioned Democrat: he’s a Missouri-born jackass who hates blacks over some imaginary slight his daddy taught him, and he’s living a patently offensive lifestyle in a quiet community. No wonder the Dems want to distance themselves so desperately from this guy. But odds are overwhelming he’s originally one of them.

“However, the evidence the Dems are coughing out? Other than the fact he’s an admitted racist, they also point to his hatred of the IRS and government intervention. But this isn’t evidence of Republicanism…it actually supports his Nazi socialist/statist beliefs: the Reinhardt approach of lower taxes and government deregulation, leading toward the ‘free market’ approach in the pre-war years that the Nazis used to reverse the Keynesian economic slump and gain control of key industries.

“Also, we know more about this guy than we are letting on, by the way. He’s all over the white supremacist sites and is some folk hero to them. He’s the one who promoted the murder of a judge in front of his wife and children a while back, got arrested up in Canada for his antics, and so on. The article doesn’t mention his past in sufficient detail, but he’s nothing but awful.

“By the way, you guessed correctly about his current party affiliation, indeed, exactly: politically, he claims the two parties are the same party. Both are terrible because they allow in not only blacks but—you likely guessed and should have included—the Jews. He’s the full gamut of crazy. So he apparently refuses to vote, but this is where we are pretty confident someone could dive deep into his distant past and find he’s exactly one of those guys who voted for McGovern and probably nobody since.”

BG smiled and said “But I think I see what you’re doing here.”

“Oh?”

BG sat back in his chair. “Any time anyone to the right of Olympia Snowe suggests that Barack Obama may not be the awesomest president since Julius Caesar (and nobody to the left of Olympia Snowe will ever suggest that), his minions start screaming that you’re a racistKKKConfederateNazi. Based on zero evidence whatsoever.

“So The Czar, I theorize, has decided that if it’s okay to tar someone as a racist based on zero evidence whatsoever, everyone should be invited to the party. Whoever yells, ‘You’re a racist!׎ first, evidence or no, wins.”

The Czar chuckled heartily, and replied, “Your assessment of our psychology is pretty darn close. But more accurately: Leftist: He’s a Republican, therefore a racist. Our position: he’s a racist. Therefore a Democrat. When it comes to guessing a racist’s political position, we tend to be waaay more correct on our call than the other way around.

“Already the Democrat-prone websites are jumping on this story about what a typical Republican this guy is. Everything: pro-Nazi? Check—only Republicans are pro-Nazi. KKK Racist? Check—only Republicans are in the KKK. Redneck living in somewhere that isn—t a large coastal city? Check—only Republicans live in those places.”

BG nodded but raised a hand. “I noted your mention of his hatred of Jews, which is certainly consistent with his love for the KKK (okay, maybe he’s not a member himself, but if you lie down with dogs, and so on.), but his love for the Klan is inconsistent with his atheism; the Klan is – nominally, anyway – devoted to making America a Christian-only nation.”

The Czar sat up. “That’s an excellent point! But he espouses a more Nazi ideology, which is tolerated agnosticism and atheism as much as it tolerated Christianity.”

BG shook his head. “I still think your rationale for determining he’s a Dem is seriously faulty. You yourself admit he’s as much a Republican as a Dem—he hates them both equally. I guarantee you that he’s not registered to vote, that he hates Obama and everything Obama stands for (to the extent he even has the foggiest idea what Obama stands for), and that he makes no contribution of time, work, or money to the Democratic party. If he voted for McGovern, that was over 40 years ago—and my guess is, if he did vote in 1972, it was for the Democrat racist George Wallace, not George McGovern. He’s as much a Democrat as Elizabeth Warren is an Indian.

“I understand that’s not really your point—it’s that the “if you’re a Republican, you must be a racist&3148; meme can—and should—be turned around into “if you’re a racist, you must be a Democrat.“ We need to do that as long as our “national conversation on race” goes like this:

Lib: Let’s talk about race.

Conservative: Okay, sounds like a good idea.

Lib: So, tell me why you’re such a racist…

Pretty sorry state of affairs. And it won’t end until we hit back.”

We agreed with BG, and asked the waitress to bring him whatever he wanted. Not many folks beat the Czar on a debate, but the Czar is conceding this one to BG.

And then Borepatch walked up to our table. And guess what he had to say.

More tomorrow.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.