NYT editorial cartoonists rendition of liberalism’s preferred treatment of the Catholic Church.  There can be only one. And Obama’s got the job.

New York Times’ former executive editor, now a full-time writer, Bill Keller issued the Left’s marching orders this afternoon, weighing in with this opinion piece on Pope Benedict XVI’s abdication.  Mr. Keller’s thinly veiled contempt for Benedict XVI is indicative of just how ugly the media’s coverage of the Church’s upcoming conclave will be.

Benedict’s eight-year reign will be appraised intensively and, I expect, unkindly. He will be described as a diehard traditionalist, a reactionary in a time of revolutionary yearnings. He gave no encouragement to the nuns who sought to break through the stained-glass ceiling, to gays who wanted the church to come to terms with their humanity, to Catholics who questioned the Vatican orthodoxy on contraception, divorce, priestly celibacy, the ordination of women and, of course, abortion. His record in handling the great disgrace of the pedophile priests is mixed at best. To his credit, he turned the juridical machinery of the church against predator priests and tried to speed it up a little. But he recoiled from holding bishops accountable for their passive oversight and active cover-ups. Scornful of the press (which, in large part, found him remote and hard) he never really engaged the public storm of outrage and dismay. Probably his low point in honoring his responsibility to “govern the bark of Saint Peter” was his refusal to address the case of an abusive priest who was allowed to return to service in Munich when Benedict – then Joseph Ratzinger – was the city’s archbishop.

Shorter Mr. Keller: The Catholic Church is bad and evil because it stands staunchly against liberals’ pet causes, from gay marriage to abortion to everything in between.

‘Puter will not stoop to labeling Mr. Keller an anti-Catholic bigot as others have, though ‘Puter can certainly see how others would come to that conclusion.  Rather, ‘Puter merely points out the myriad errors in Mr. Keller’s piece:

1. The nuns Mr. Keller complains about were censured for (1) publicly proclaiming positions in direct apposition to Church doctrine and (2) violating their vow of obedience. ‘Puter doesn’t know about Mr. Keller, but he’s fairly certain that the New York Times doesn’t allow its employees to set and act on rules contrary to the wishes of management. The Vatican simply enforced its rules against its employees. ‘Puter strongly doubts whether Mr. Keller would have complained quite so fervently if the Vatican had been disciplining priests and bishops implicated in the Church’s child rape scandal.
2. The Catholic Church does not hate gays, or deny gays’ humanity.  Quite the opposite, in fact. Catechism instructs Catholics that being gay is not sinful.  It further tells Catholics that gays “must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” Catechism, Section 2858. What Mr. Keller and his liberal compatriots hate is the Church’s insistence that homosexual acts are sinful, and that as such gays are called to a life of celibacy.
3. Mr. Keller rails about the indignities rained down on Catholics who disputed the Church’s teachings on “contraception, divorce, priestly celibacy, the ordination of women and, of course, abortion.” Catholics have a name for these sorts of self-proclaimed “Catholics”: Episcopalians. Again, the Church is a religious organization freely joined.  Members are also free to leave. Rational people do not join or remain in organizations anathema to their views.  There is no shame in not being Catholic. Please, by all means, please go find a Christian sect that shares your world view. Both you and observant Catholics will be much happier.
4. Mr. Keller gives Benedict XVI small credit regarding his handling of the Church’s child rape scandal, acknowledging Benedict XVI acted against the child rapists and their enablers. Yet Mr. Keller cannot help himself from criticizing Benedict XVI, flatly stating the pope ought to have acted against the bishops. ‘Puter assumes that when Mr. Keller was the New York Times‘ executive editor, he routinely disciplined employees without conducting any sort of investigation, or waiting to determine what the facts were.

 The New York Times hates the Catholic Church (and pretty much all observant Christian sects, along with conservative/orthodox Judaism) because it teaches as a first principle that nothing is greater than God, who is deserving of mankind’s unconditional love and obedience, and that He is Truth.

There is nothing scarier for a liberal who worships at the altar of the false god of government than the existence of groups who believe there exists something greater than government: the one true God, the God who is Truth.

And that, dear friends, is why modern American liberalism is dedicated to destroying the Catholic Church’s credibility. So long as people believe in something higher than government, liberals cannot achieve their (doomed to failure) Utopian dreams.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.