The Proper Republican Response to Sequestration

The proper response to Democrats’ profligate spending is to call
them out, make them pay for their beloved programs without
borrowing. Pictured, House Republicans after passing a balanced
budget bill, taunting the Democrat led Senate as “cabrons.”

‘Puter is sick and gosh-darned tired of listening to the media drone on and on and on and on and on about how Friday’s looming minuscule cuts to the rate of spending increase (not an actual cut, mind you) will result airport Armageddon or a completely enfeebled and defenseless nation or dumb(er) children.

Here’s what the sequester means in reality.  Some government workers (and contract workers) in Washington, D.C. and across the country will work less for less pay. Traffic will lessen inside the Beltway (an environmental boon for the hippies!). And life in America will go on as before.

Think about it. We all managed to do quite nicely before the Transportation Security Administration was created. The defense industry is not going to implode because it loses a couple of pet programs, or even (Heaven forfend!) a few hundred do-nothing generals working sinecures as they bide their time until retirement. Goodness gracious, ‘Puter’s old enough to remember a time before the Carter Administration’s Department of Education stole what is correctly the states’ responsibility for education with their borders.  And don’t even get ‘Puter started on dumping billion after billion down the failed Head Start program as an ongoing sop to teachers’ unions.

All that said, President Obama’s round-heeled media fluffers are Hell bent on blaming the Republicans for everything from killing grannies to defenestrating the pope.  Republicans need to respond to blunt the media’s unfair criticism, but current spineless Republican leadership is too emasculated by zealot ideologues on its right to do so.

Allow ‘Puter to step in. Here’s how current moderate/chickenshit/realist/fascist Republican leadership — pick the adjective that most fits your view of Speaker Boehner et al. — can turn this apparent public relations calamity to its advantage and at the same time shore up its right flank.

Let the Democrats spend whatever the heck they want, so long as they agree to pay for every penny spent in the year the funds are spent.  That’s right.  Put the Balanced Budget Amendment or a similar piece of stopgap legislation back on the table. All current fiscal year expenditures must be matched by current fiscal year revenue, with no exceptions.

A balanced budget requirement puts the lie to Democrat claims that anything is possible if we just believe hard enough in the awesomey goodness of governmentally imposed social justice (and secretly borrow tons of money they have no intention to pay back)! Requiring balanced revenues and expenditures would force all Americans earning any income to pay taxes, regardless of how little earned, spreading the pain across the entire spectrum of Americans.  There’s not enough money among current taxpayers to fund the government’s expenditures, even if you took every penny.  Those who currently pay no taxes would have to pony up for their pet programs just like everyone else.

And there’s the Democrats Achilles’ heel.  Most Americans would refuse to pay the tax rates and amounts required to pay for our government’s annual expenditures, and rightly so. Rather, Americans would insist government get rid of unnecessary programs, agencies and departments in favor of preserving the programs that are important.

If Democrats think that Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, education spending and all other social welfare programs are sacrosanct, fine. Let’s pay for them. Right here, right now. Let Democrats propose the confiscatory and broad-based tax increases necessary to stabilize these sacred cow programs and see how quickly Democrats become the permanent rump party they’d hoped Republicans would be.

Once Democrats realize that in order to fund their Utopian wealth redistribution schemes, they’ll have to not only tax everyone making any income whatsoever, but do so at such high rates as to destabilize societal cohesion, they’ll realize their con game is over.

To win this debate once and for all, Republicans have to call the Democrats out and expose them for what they are: con men engaged in an inter-generational Ponzi scheme, stealing from Americans not yet born to give to greedy Americans today.

And the way to do that is to make Democrats pay for their promises. Today.

About 'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies. The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig. His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred. He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently. Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet. 'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.