Mailbag: Tony Edition

The Tony’s just ain’t the Tony’s without Bernadette Peters!

The Royal Exchequer writes Dr. J. regarding his celebrity polemic:


The town I live in had two television channels when I was a kid. Today, 50 years later, we would have three if cable and satellite TV hadn’t expanded the local options. 

While I have seen the lights of Broadway, it is still a 4000 mile round trip and, given the vagaries of travel and the TSA, not one to be taken lightly. No touring stage plays make stops here. The trains stopped running years ago. Flights from our airport only go to airports where you can catch a flight to somewhere else. I question whether most of the denizens of the great white way could find us given a map. These are givens. 

What no one has ever explained to me is why I, or anyone outside of the New York metro area, should care about the Tony Awards. I can at least buy the songs of the Grammys or attend a movie featured in the Oscars. Broadway? Not so easy. 

It has been suggested that the shows do tour and may be seen elsewhere in the country. It’s exactly like Broadway except for the actors, the musicians, the stage, and the theater. That reasoning equates the star of my high school rendition of The Music Man with Robert Preston. 

I suspect you can guess how may Tony Awards I have watched on TV. (Isn’t showing them on TV somehow hypocritical?) 

A loyal reader who should be working on a 1040 right now. 



The Royal Exchequer

Thanks for writing in. Dr. J. will be the first to tell you that he’s with you. Mrs. Dr. J. loves Broadway. Took him to NYC to see Phantom of the Opera the weekend Dr.J. first met the J-In-Laws. He fell asleep. That being said, Papa J. took Dr. J. to see Yul Brenner in the King and I, Anthony Quinn in Zorba the Greek, when they came to Philly. Dr. J. enjoys a play or musical like most people, but you are correct. Broadway and Theatre is in the blood in NYC much like SEC football is in the blood in New Atlantis and the rest of the South. One of those things that either you get it or you don’t.

The problem with the Tony’s is that its awards ceremony is by far the most pretentious and most sanctimonious. The good thing about the Tony’s is that their award ceremony has the least amount of riff-raff and along with that, the least amount of shenanigans.

Dr. J. is still waiting for a Kristin Chenoweth wardrobe malfunction.

It ain’t gonna happen, though. The Tony’s are far too classy for that.

About Dr. J.

Dr. J. was born the son of a New Atlantean sharecropper who cornered the market on notoriously delicious seaweed Himanthalia elongata (popularly known as Thongweed). With his newly minted seaweed fortune, Mr. J. the Elder sent his son to attend the Academy of Sorcery, Alchemy and Surgery where the good doctor apprenticed with the finest sorcerer surgeons in New Atlantis. Dr. J.'s areas of expertise grew to include bleeding, cutting for stone, trephination, medical divination with outstanding spatial and temporal resolution, cybernetic sorcery and medicinal alchemy. When King Orin of Atlantis fell ill with the Ick, Dr. J. stepped in with an elixir he devised from a combination of minerals, herbs and saps. Curing the king, Dr. J. gained significant notoriety which afforded him the luxury of time to devote himself to his side hobbies which include porpoise racing, the study of supply-side economics, cooking and raising his lovely merchildren alongside his lovely bride the archconservative Mrs. Dr. J.