If you want to f@¢K with the eagles, you better learn to fly!

Before there were Mean Girls, there were the Heathers…

Remember the movie Heathers? If not, it’s in heavy rotation on Showtime this month. For those not in the know, the 1988 movie is about a high school girl, Veronica (Winona Rider) who is a member of the popular clique, ‘The Heathers’ called such for the three other girls named Heather in the group. A drifter rolls into the school played by Christian Slater. They kill off the alpha Heather, making it look like a suicide and the school’s social order is turned on its ear. The movie was a cult hit on video and very popular with Dr. J. and his friends in the twilight of our high school years.

Well, much like the plumetting in the number of American children named Adolf and Tojo after World War II, the name Heather has taken a hit as well since the movie achieved cult status and Gen X’ers have become parents. Deadspin’s dataspin column shows this week.

Courtesy of Deadspin.com

Dr. J.’s high school classmate Heather, the only one who ever beat him on a chemistry test (and it only happened once), could not be reached for comment.

About Dr. J.

Dr. J. was born the son of a New Atlantean sharecropper who cornered the market on notoriously delicious seaweed Himanthalia elongata (popularly known as Thongweed). With his newly minted seaweed fortune, Mr. J. the Elder sent his son to attend the Academy of Sorcery, Alchemy and Surgery where the good doctor apprenticed with the finest sorcerer surgeons in New Atlantis. Dr. J.'s areas of expertise grew to include bleeding, cutting for stone, trephination, medical divination with outstanding spatial and temporal resolution, cybernetic sorcery and medicinal alchemy. When King Orin of Atlantis fell ill with the Ick, Dr. J. stepped in with an elixir he devised from a combination of minerals, herbs and saps. Curing the king, Dr. J. gained significant notoriety which afforded him the luxury of time to devote himself to his side hobbies which include porpoise racing, the study of supply-side economics, cooking and raising his lovely merchildren alongside his lovely bride the archconservative Mrs. Dr. J.