This morning, we have a pair of emails to answer.

First up is JAB, who scribbles in from the Double-Wide to point out that she totally missed the Czar’s warning about writing in to correct him.

Your Czarness:

I fear to raise my hand in dissent, lest it be separated from the rest of me, but here goes….

I can actually verify and testify to the bona fides of the term “shooting skeet.” Yessirree. It is what those us out in the hinterlands call it when we go out to a field with shotguns, clays and our own throwers. We go skeet shooting. No fancy-pants points or stations, so it is quite different from trap and clays, as Your Czarness noted. It just means we’re going out to go shoot clays, which no amount of cooking can make tasty, in order to improve our aim. You know, just for the fun of it.

Crossing my fingers on both hands [while I still got ’em both] that Your Czarness is feeling most particularly indulgent of a disputatious minion….I remain…

Yours From the Doublewide,
JAB

So you’re not shooting clays when you’re out there “to go shoot clays.” Okay.

But curiously the Czar is not as surprised by this quote as he is by another in JAB’s missive: “…which no amount of cooking can make tasty.” We might have agreed with you, had it not been for the note from B-Prime, who says:

Your awesomeness,

I am dismayed by the lack of interest expressed by the LSM regarding the President Obama’s cuisine. After all, he referred to it recently when asked about his hunting habits while at Camp David. In fact, you spoke about this but also expressed no apparent interest in the post-hunting exercise.

President Obama said, “I go skeet shooting all the time”.

But, how does he prepare them afterwards?

Could you enlighten us plebians whether he uses a lemon-butter or garlic sauce, or whether his trick is some simple salt and pepper accompanied by a dash of menange?

In grateful thankfulness, we remain subject to your wisdom!

(bowing head and backing away in a respectful manner…)

See? JAB had no idea you could prepare skeet at all, let alone in some many different methods. The okhrana are (typically) as useless as ever when we asked them how the President prepares his skeet after he shoots it. The lack of information in that regard leads one to suspect, most gloomily, that he simply leaves it there on the lawn to decompose.

The Czar has only three rules about killing animals: (1) do it for pest control, such as ants, deer culling, bees, and so forth, (2) do it for defense, such as being attacked or stopping an attack by a tiger or bees, or (3) eat the damned thing, like chicken, cows, deer, or, sure, even bees. Never kill an animal just to do it and leave it there.

The President should be ashamed of himself for leaving that dead skeet all over the place.

Personally, the Czar* prepares his skeet as follows:

• 3 tbs minced lemon grass (remember to remove the outer leaves, and cut off the tops and root ends)
• 3 tbs lime juice
• 1/3 cup fish sauce
• Dash of soy sauce (unsalted, if possible)
• 3 garlic cloves, finely minced
• 1-1/2 tbs brown sugar
• 1-1/4 lbs skeet, thoroughly washed and inspected for bird shot, julienned
• 2 tbs peanut or sesame oil
• 1/4 cup white onion, julienned
• 1 tsp sesame seeds (toasted or plain)
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh mint leaves

In a glass bowl, combine lemon grass, lime juice, fish sauce, soy sauce, and garlic. Whisk and set aside.**

Rub or sprinkle the skeet with brown sugar; promptly refrigerate.

Heat a wok or deep skillet to high heat and carefully add the peanut or sesame oil. Add the onions and stir fry for a few seconds until they begin to melt. Add the skeet and fry, stirring constantly, until the meat is uniformly cooked—this should take a few minutes.

Pour in the sauce and reduce the heat, and allow the entire mixture of sauce, onions, and skeet to reach your preferred temperature.

Scoop out the skeet and onions and place on a dish. Sprinkle generously with sesame seeds and mint leaves. Consider serving with brown or white steamed rice.

* Provided he hits any. He is not the best shot with a shotgun. Oh, he does all right, but is inconsistent.

** GorT invented the whisk. Did you know that?

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.