Predictions and Postdictions

2012 was quite the year, and we certainly hope 2013 is much easier, fruitful, and relaxing for you. It won’t be, by a long shot, but we can hope regardless.

Meantime, as we sit between disasters, let us look back at some of the notable predictions of 2012.

Mitt Romney will the presidency win by a landslide.

This one did not go so well for Dick Morris, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Michael Barone, George Will, and the Czar. The previous guys should all be promptly dismissed for their stunning inaccuracy. Heck, the Czar even did a nice piece on why the polls were wrong. Stupid polls.

The world will end.

Jury is still out. It may have, just not in a spectacular fashion. Crap, what if we were all left behind, and the only one who was raptured was Jack Klugman?

An earth-like planet with intelligent life will be discovered.

We have found hundreds of planets, some of which could be in less extreme areas of their respective solar systems, but no signs of intelligent life. The Czar spent some time this morning looking out his Castle window, and frankly doubts there’s intelligent life in this solar system.

The Avengers would rock.

Yeah, pretty much. Some minor plot points aside, the movie pretty much did kick ass.

Some predictions for 2013:

  1. Madonna will attempt to draw media attention to herself but wind up looking more pathetic and faded after some whiny tantrum or pseudo-political speech in which she gets badly mixed up on basic awareness.
  2. Lindsay Lohan will dodge arrest one more time.
  3. Your local sports team will make a trade or play so boneheaded that you will wonder why you even bother.
  4. The President will attempt to appear like a powerful, divinely-inspired leader by calling attention to how pathetic and inept he is behind the scenes. The media will ignore it and convince him he did a really good thing back there.
  5. Mr. Sam O’Rye, of 223 Harper Street, Richland, Mississippi, will be bitten on the thumb by his buddy’s ferret Roger on March 15, 2013, while attempting to demonstrate how safe these animals are. We wanted you to have at least one weirdly specific prediction rather than vague generalities.

Happy New Year!

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.