In America’s real life version of the Roadrunner cartoons, we’re all Wile E. Coyote. But Congress is the super-genius that devises solutions based solely on the Acme line of products despite its certain knowledge it’ll doom us all.

Puter’s back after a well-deserved Christmas hiatus.* But enough about that. As our new overlords would say, “Forward!”

Pundits opining on Congress’ fiscal cliff fix are deep into the weeds on picking winners and losers.  Democrats claim Obama and the Democrats won because they enacted Obama’s alleged mandate to raise taxes on “the rich.” Republicans claim McConnell and Establishment Republicans won, because they now have greater leverage on the forthcoming debt ceiling negotiations.  Both Republicans and Democrats agree Boehner lost, as he couldn’t even control his caucus. 

But ‘Puter doesn’t give two figs about the opinions of unelected elite media lotus eaters.  These bloviators are so insulated from reality (not to mention average Americans) that they make the Owens-Corning Pink Panther spokesman look like a piker.  OK, that’s a crappy analogy, but you get the point.

‘Puter can think for himself, and so can you. In any political deal, there are two participants: those doing the f*cking and those getting f*cked.

In this fiscal cliff deal, it’s the politicians –all of them, and not just the Democrats– who are doing the f*cking.  If you’re looking around wondering who got f*cked then, guess what? It’s you.  And by “you” ‘Puter means every single American. 

Worse yet, our politicians –every last one of them– didn’t just f*ck existing Americans.  Nope. They f*cked Americans not even born yet.  Hell, our politicians f*cked the children and grandchildren of Americans not even born yet.

Here are three simple facts politicians and media work so hard to obscure:

America spends way more money than it takes in, borrowing the remainder, which is about 40 cents of every dollar today.

There’s not enough income or wealth in America to fund its out year operations if no programmatic reform occurs.

Eventually America must repay its creditors or default, which necessarily means significantly higher taxes, significant spending cuts and/or default on its obligations.

Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and our myriad other entitlement programs are growing like cancer, rapidly choking off and killing government’s proper functions (e.g., defense, interstate commerce, etc.). Left unchecked, these programs alone will use every single dollar America can beg borrow or steal (i.e., tax) in a few short years. So, rather than confront reality, Congress plays an unsavory game of “hide the fiscal salami” and you’re personage is Congress’ unwilling opponent.

Congress thinks it can’t get reelected if it raises taxes, so it doesn’t.  Rather, it borrows the money, in essence raising future taxes to pay back money Congress uses to fund yesterday’s broken promises such as Social Security and today’s operations.

And no, ‘Puter doesn’t discount the welfare programs targeted at “the rich,” or “the One Percenters” or even heaven forfend, “banksters.”  Hell, were it up to ‘Puter, there’d be no deductions, no write offs, no exceptions to America’s tax code for any reason whatsoever.  No home mortgage interest deduction, no depreciation allowances, no capital gains rate, no EITC, no child tax credit, no property tax credit.  Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Democrats and their constituency may think ‘Puter mad.  After all, Obama just succeeded in taxing the rich more, extending unemployment to 36 months for the chronically lazy and splitting the Republican party.  But Democrats got f*cked, too.

Something that can’t go on forever, won’t. And living on credit can’t go on forever. Just ask the underwater homeowners who treated their houses like ATMs.  Just ask Bernie Madoff’s investors.  Just ask Dutch tulip bulb speculators.

There’s not enough money in the world to fund everyone’s pet programs, regardless of what a majority of Americans think.  So when the music stops, and America is left with already confiscatory tax rates and no borrowing options, guess who suffers? 

That’s right. Everyone suffers.  And guess who suffers the most? The core Democrat constituency of “the poor” and “the elderly” and “the children,” not to mention unions, racial hucksters and government employees.  When the Democrats are out of our money to spread around, it’s those who have no money of their own, the voluntarily infantilized Democrat voters, who get f*cked the worst.

As ‘Puter sees it, Congress has two choices. 

First, Congress can choose to address America’s fiscal problems in their entirety. This requires tax reform and spending cuts.  Not one or the other.  Both.  All will sacrifice something.  Those with money will pay more in taxes.  Those without will see non-essential services cut. But if Americans voluntarily sacrifice now, we prevent potentially involuntary society-cratering sacrifices in the future.  See, e.g., Greece, Portugal, Italy.  None of this is to say that any “entitlement” program must (or even should) be ended.  However, all “entitlements” sorely need updating such that America can carry out their core missions in the future.

America can sustainably protect its elderly from living in the streets, its so-called “poor” (cf., Calcutta’s average resident) from starvation and its uninsured from preventable ill-health.  It’s just not doable under laws and regulations dating to the 1930s and 1960s, laws that never foresaw the gains America has made in the past 50-80 years since Social Security. Medicare and Medicaid were enacted.

Second, Congress can stay the course and damn America to third world status as it over promises, under performs and eventually collapses under the Ponzi scheme that is modern American government finance.  It may not collapse in your average Congressman’s remaining lifetime, but it’ll surer than Hell crater within their kids’ or grandkids’ lifetimes. Damnable is the politician who mortgages the future for his personal advancement today.  Damnable, but all too prevalent.

We’re all in this together, the unwilling participants in government’s great gamble with our futures. Do we let our drunken Congressman with a brilliant scheme to beat the house let it all ride, or do we insist it’s time for Congress to walk away from the table before they lose the rest of our money.

It’s our future, America.  It’s our choice.

Choose.

*During ‘Puter’s so-called hiatus, he went into work on three of his days off and worked another two.  Additionally, Mrs. ‘Puter got the projectile vomiting bug that’s going around Upstate, thoughtfully sharing it with Spawn, whose epic emetic discharge was surpassed only by his epic failure to lift the toilet lid before reverse peristalsis commenced, resulting in a pre-dawn vomit-spattered bathroom.  Prior to Clan ‘Puter’s playing host to norovirus, Spawn had a head cold extraoridinaire, which he then shared with Mrs. ‘Puter, who is back in front of an asshat class full of high school juniors who care more about the fact that Precious Q. Snowflake is wearing her new Chrismas leggings that are so tight one needn’t guess as to the status of her nether-region grooming habits, or the fact that Susie M. Magdalene’s skirt’s so short she needs a hairnet, than they do about learning chemistry.  Now that’s a run-on sentence.  And a Brawny moment.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.