Your Own Private Black Box
Americans are supposed to be getting upset over considerations by the Federal government that all cars will be equipped with a black box sophisticated enough to determine your rate of travel, where you are, and trace your itinerary.
Outrage!
Of course, the black box cannot reveal who was actually driving the car at any given moment.
Fortunately, more people carry cell phones than drive cars at any given moment. And you can link a cell phone to a specific individual in most cases.
So were the government going to track all those things and link these things to you directly, well, that’s how the Czar would do it. How about it?
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.