Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now?

Todd, Dr. J. will lend you his Imperial Shuttle, as it 
is the crunkiest Gormomobile this side of Mandy’s 
lime-green Fiero.

Marvin K. Mooney was Dr. J.’s favorite Dr. Seuss book growing up. In this tale, Marvin K. Mooney is asked by some disembodied authority figure to go from the spot he is standing upon, and indeed told to go a gazillion different ways. [SPOILER WARNING] He ultimately goes, but not until it is of his own choosing.

Marvin K. Mooney was the first literary figure that popped into Dr. J.’s head during this Akin kerfuffle. For those of you who don’t know,Rep. Todd Akin (R-Mo) has been tapped to run for Senate against Claire McCaskill. Over the weekend, he took his eye off the ball and stupidly answered a question regarding abortion in cases of rape.

Rather than say something like, “While I personally believe all life is sacred, if the only abortions performed in the United States were in cases of rape and endangerment to the life of the mother, and America no longer performed 800,000+* elective abortions every year, we would be in a far better place. I will work to protect tax-payers from being saddled with paying for procedures that go against a majority of their consciences, and I will work as a senator to protect the life of the most vulnerable, the unborn, the disabled and the elderly within the means available to me as a Senator,” he went on to make a fool of himself.

As a consequence the Democrat banshees keened and the Progressive harridans wailed and gnashed their teeth over comments that were insensitive to rape victims and their families, and saw a moment for this crisis not to go to waste.

As they tried to link Akin to Big Republican and the totalitarian Amerika of Romney/Ryan, Mitt Romney, Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA), who is running for reelection in a rather blue state and Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI) who is hoping to see Gov. Tommy Thompson join him in the senate and see Paul Ryan deliver blue Wisconsin to the Republicans, all denounced Akin’s stupid statement.

Now Dr. J. does not believe that Mr. Akin intended malice, nor does he sanction rape. Those are clear misrepresentations of what he was attempting to say. What he was attempting to say was sufficently foolish and erroneous that he made it clear to Democrats and Republicans alike that he doesn’t have the sophistication to be a Republican senator in the current media climate. The AM AM guy was talking about this this morning. Yes there is a double standard when Democrats can say the darndest things over and over and over again and get a pass, but that’s too bad. Democrats give their own a pass more often than not because they believe the message is more important to the messenger and that if you are on message, you are virtuous even if you are tea-rooming at truck stop, driving off of a bridge after one too many Chivas Regals, or performing insider trading that isn’t technically insider trading because it’s not illegal, just immoral.  Republicans have to fly higher and straighter than the Democrats because they will be pilloried by not only the D’s, but also by their own who expect them to know better. Life’s not fair, accept that Mr. Akin and move on.

The Missouri senate race is, as VP Joe Biden would say, “A big f*¢†ing deal!”Missouri is a big state bell-weather state this election year and critical to Romney’s path to the White House. Having a Senate candidate that will become a drag on the ticket as the tireless banshees of the left scream for the next 70 days will make it harder for Romney to win MO.

Some Republicans will not come out to vote in that state and less independents will either vote Republican or split their ticket (McClaskill & Romney). In addition the Massachusetts and Wisconsin Democrats will hang this albatross around not only Romney’s neck, but those of Sen. Brown and Gov. Thompson saying that they belong to party of rape. They won’t be able to get their message out because every press conference will have an Akin related question and every attack ad will raise the spectre of Akin. In a year where every winnable Senate race is critical for both Romney/Ryan AND for winning the Senate back, Akin is a drag of epic proportion.

The smartest thing Rep. Akin can do is apologize and step down before the end of business today because Dr. J. doesn’t think Missouri will be forgiving to the Missouri Republican Party in replacing him on the ticket after the deadline and probably won’t buy an inversion of the the NJ State Supreme Court decision (NJDP v. NJ) regarding the NJ Democratic Party trying to replace Torracelli on the ticket after the deadline where they voted 7-0 saying, “Law be damned, an election just ain’t an election without a Democrat to vote for.”

Representative Todd Akin, it’s time to go…the stakes are bigger than your ego or career.

* No reported data for California, New Hampshire and Maryland

About Dr. J.

Dr. J. was born the son of a New Atlantean sharecropper who cornered the market on notoriously delicious seaweed Himanthalia elongata (popularly known as Thongweed). With his newly minted seaweed fortune, Mr. J. the Elder sent his son to attend the Academy of Sorcery, Alchemy and Surgery where the good doctor apprenticed with the finest sorcerer surgeons in New Atlantis. Dr. J.'s areas of expertise grew to include bleeding, cutting for stone, trephination, medical divination with outstanding spatial and temporal resolution, cybernetic sorcery and medicinal alchemy. When King Orin of Atlantis fell ill with the Ick, Dr. J. stepped in with an elixir he devised from a combination of minerals, herbs and saps. Curing the king, Dr. J. gained significant notoriety which afforded him the luxury of time to devote himself to his side hobbies which include porpoise racing, the study of supply-side economics, cooking and raising his lovely merchildren alongside his lovely bride the archconservative Mrs. Dr. J.