BREAKING: Issac Speech Leaked!
 |
In all seriousness, the residents of the Gulf Coast are in his prayers and he wishes the storm to be no less than what you see above. He was caught in Hurricane Belle back in 1976 and that was a storm! |
Gentle Readers,
2-1B has done it again. He has hacked the POTUS’s TOTUS* so that your Gormogons can provide to you a transcript of today’s speech:
My fellow Americans,
I come before you today, because on the seventh anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, the Gulf Coast, especially Democrat leaning Louisiana is is facing the spectre of Hurricane Isaac†. Isaac is bearing down on our precious gulf coast. Indeed, Isacc is arriving early, so that I am not able to make this speech in prime time, but that does allow me to show that I am out in front of this storm. But let me be clear, the mistakes of the past. Mistakes caused with malice by the Republicans during the Bush administration will not happen this time around. We have been working closely with Mayor Landreu to insure your safety. And despite Governor Jindal’s rancor, FEMA is prepared to come in and offer any and all assistance necessary. It was my administration, with our stimulus program, that has shored up your levies. Without this funding for this shovel-ready program, which Vice Presidental Paul Ryan voted against, the Ninth Ward, along with much of New Orleans, would still be underwater, an abandoned city with no hope, nor any change.
During this time, when the Republicans are confirming their nominee in tony Tampa Florida, I would like to see this celebration of their partisan rancor, anger and hate end as we rally around our beloved New Orleanians, black and white, rich and poor, gay and straight, who are directly in harms way. Their convention is ill timed, and it is insensitive to the poor New Orleanians that they celebrate when their Gulf Coast neighbors are about the be devastated by Hurricane Issac.
We are one America today, and as such, I am calling on the Republicans to put aside the politics of division and in the name of unity, cancel their convention, and roll up their sleeves to help the New Orleanians with the recovery after the storm.
It is my hope that rather than continue to divide us in the wake of the storm, that the Republicans will stop their campaigning for the White House, and that Governor Romney, as wealthy as he is, contribute the entirety of his campaign coffers to the rebuilding. Indeed, it would be best if he step aside as the nominee, so that I can build on the progress of my first term and rebuild New Orleans and New America in the vision that we all share.
Thank you and remember who cared the most about you when it is time to vote in November.
* Teleprompter Of The United States of America
† Tropical Storm, Hurricane they’re just ‘labels.’
