Turns out that James Naismith made eight pages of notes about the very first game of basketball.

You can read a transcript of them, as well. The Czar particularly liked this paragraph:

Of course, should basketball ever accept a three-point play, it will become incumbent on the defense to foul the player immediately, thereby limiting him to a two-point free-throw shot. To prevent this, the offense should retaliate by attempting a three-point play with every offensive drive. Regrettably, this will almost surely result in a pointless, drawn-out engagement in which the game will consist of nothing more than three-point attempts coupled with intentional fouls that result in an endless parade of free throws. Let us sincerely hope no three-point concept ever evolves in the game, or it will quickly become pointless showboating, filled with lights and noise and ultimately boring the viewers.

History. You just can’t make this stuff up.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.