#Mandles – A hashtag waiting to happen…

Yet another sign of the looming apocalypse.

Dr. J. was listening to the New Atlantis AM AM guy on the radio today on the drive to work, and this Businessweek article became the target of ridicule.

Apparently the Yankee Candle company (the company that makes the ones your wife keeps in the kitchen cabinet and lights up when she’s cutting an onion, or after she’s cleaned up the kitchen*) is marketing candles to men. Now this gave Dr. J. a chuckle, because in an era of bromances, man-bags, man-icures, and bronies, it was only a matter of time before mandles made it on the scene.

 Now check out these scents:

I love the smell of cut lawns in the morning…it smells like victory…

Mmmm…woodshoptastic…actually Dr. J.’s worst grade was a B- in 8th grade woodshop…

Real Corinthian Leather…God Rest Ricardo Montalban’s Soul…KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!

Man Town? This one’s too easy. Puter?

This got Dr. J. thinking, given that there are 400 scents marketed to women and only 4 to men, what scents are MIA?

  • Bacon
  • Hickory Smoker
  • Burnt Diesel
  • Kentucky Bourbon
  • New Car
  • Gun Oil
  • Bait Shop
  • Oil Change
  • Pale Ale
  • Ghee
  • Cordite
  • Bar Refali
  • Bacon
  • Pappy’s Pipe
  • Flint & Steel
  • Beef Jerky
  • Brake Dust
  • Chili Garlic Sauce
  • WD-40
  • Motorboat
  • Bacon
Given Dr. J.’s proclivity for hydrophobic gifts for his Gormogon brethren, he may have to get 2-1B to whip up some new scents by Christmas. 

* Not that cooking and cleaning is exclusively woman’s work, most of your Gormogons are very good cooks and furthermore, Dr. J. cleans up the kitchen when he’s done, but he doesn’t light a candle as his coup de grace.

About Dr. J.

Dr. J. was born the son of a New Atlantean sharecropper who cornered the market on notoriously delicious seaweed Himanthalia elongata (popularly known as Thongweed). With his newly minted seaweed fortune, Mr. J. the Elder sent his son to attend the Academy of Sorcery, Alchemy and Surgery where the good doctor apprenticed with the finest sorcerer surgeons in New Atlantis. Dr. J.'s areas of expertise grew to include bleeding, cutting for stone, trephination, medical divination with outstanding spatial and temporal resolution, cybernetic sorcery and medicinal alchemy. When King Orin of Atlantis fell ill with the Ick, Dr. J. stepped in with an elixir he devised from a combination of minerals, herbs and saps. Curing the king, Dr. J. gained significant notoriety which afforded him the luxury of time to devote himself to his side hobbies which include porpoise racing, the study of supply-side economics, cooking and raising his lovely merchildren alongside his lovely bride the archconservative Mrs. Dr. J.