We assume by now you have heard about or seen the video calling for justice against Ugandan guerilla leader Joseph Kony. The Czar has seen posters and hand-drawn signs taped up all over Chicago simply saying KONY 2012.

Yes, he is a bad guy who deserves nothing less than an agonizing death by anyone blessed enough to be in the position to give him one. Humanity rarely produces anyone so vile. And, yes, even CNN is asking whether or not this is a legitimate campaign.

The Czar has another question. How does a charity go from producing an out-of-date, questionably presented YouTube video to getting thousands of signs up all over America? Perhaps it is the centuries spent with the inventors of most conspiracies, but the Czar cannot help but think there is something awry here.

Of course, President Obama is endorsing it, and explaining that the mysterious presence of US troops in Africa is part of this more than fuels that suspicion. The Czar has long opposed the American military being involved in the perpetual shit hole that is African corruption and brutality—Africa is where good ideas are butchered and mutilated. It is a horrible place, and our military does not belong there.

Yet the coupling of this bizarre, out-of-left-field cultural meme and the President’s support of it merits further investigation. He never supports anything that does not further his maniacal campaign of punishing America. So what’s up here?

We know that Kony is not the mastermind the video portrays him as: he is now a fugitive on the run. We also know that the folks behind the video support and receive support from equally unpleasant criminals eager to take Kony’s place. Okay, we get it—the folks behind the video have an ulterior motive and appear to be taking a lot of donations for their own purposes. But why the sudden social campaign here in the states, when this would have been more topical in 2007? Someone is pushing this, and college kids are obediently complying.

What’s the link to Obama?

There is no specific answer. However, the most common impression among people equally curious is that the US knows precisely where Kony is (it ain’t Uganda, but he is in Africa), and wants to generate enough hatred for the man that a quick assassination will give Obama the bump he enjoyed after bin-Laden’s elimination.

This seems unlikely—there are easier ways for the President to wow the public, without having to resort to some ginned up outrage. However, make no mistake: the Kony 2012 campaign is a ginned up outrage that has fingerprints of the President’s campaign team all over it.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.