To put it another way.

Picture a ramshackle house full of donkeys, with a weedy yard festooned with rusted cars and old appliances. Undiapered little donkeys run amok on the tilted front porch, scribbling obscenities with something suspiciously fecal directly on the front of the house. The roof is gaping in several places, most of the shutters are missing or hanging loose, and the siding is cracked and uneven. Through the broken windows, you see piles of trash and rubbish stacked horder-like along every wall.

Next door, a comfortably clean home with manicured lawn and colorful flower garden welcomes visitors. A pair of elephants are enjoying lemonade on a cushioned porch swing, while delightful piano music bubbles out from the inside. One elephant notices the mail box at the curb is crooked. “My God,” she says to the other, “If we don’t do something about that mailbox, our housing value will plummet.”

The Czar says this parable to remind ourselves that as bad as Republicans keep telling themselves their crop of candidates can be, the Democrats have the worst candidate to defend of all. If we can get Romney to focus on his message, get Santorum to prioritize on his, and get Gingrich and Paul to shut up, the difference between the parties will become striking.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.