Okay, a science update. Pssh. You already know where this is going.
So the Cassini spacecraft has detected a thin layer of oxygen around the Saturnian moon Dione. If you are into these sorts of things, that is interesting news.
If you are not into these sorts of things, this really is not awesome news. Oxygen is a generally common atom found around the universe, but this really is the first time we have found it on another world without it being poisoned by other deadly gases.
In fact, if you were somehow placed on Dione, and did not die instantly from freezing, you would find yourself suffocating from a lack of oxygen in a few seconds. There’s oxygen there, all right, but so little that you would find more if you dunked your head under water.
This will, of course, not stop the news media from reporting that scientists have found oxygen just like earth on another world, and whether or not Dione could support life.
Wait and see. Meanwhile, the Czar will polish off a great bottle of wine he opened last night.