In Which Dr. J. endorses St. Augustine for President…

Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo.

For those not familiar with popery, St. Augustine, was a North African Roman citizen, scholar and rhetorician who after an ill spent youth, converted to Christianity, and became one of the most profound Christian scholars. All of your Gormogons have read some of his writings, which include The City of God, Confessions, and Soliloquies. Indeed, his were the shoulders that St. Thomas Aquinas stood upon when he wrote his ponderously painful treatises.

Anyway, as a child, Dr. J. was taken by story that after dissolute living, he found the Lord and went on to great things.

There is a candidate who resembles this story (hopefully with the same happy ending), and that is the candidate that Dr. J. is endorsing and voting for on Super Tuesday, and that individual is Newt Gingrich. 

Dr. J. is not going to discuss the areas where everyone appears to be in agreement, and will speak to the things that he feels differentiates him from his opponents.

Before you scream !1!!2!EleV@VEñTY!!!@!!!1!!!2!!! and offer Dr. J. a litany on why Romney is teh ausumz, or why Rick is your man, or how Ron Paul is your dealer’s favorite, Dr. J. would like to profer that they are all fine candidates, and all are far superior to Obama. Dr. J. will be happy to crawl across broken glass and then swim through a lemon juice filled swimming pool, then roll around in salt to dry off on the way to voting for any of them in November.

None of them are perfect, and Dr. J.’s vote is his alone, and he’s a Gormogon, so there!

These are the reasons why Dr. J. is supporting Newt

1) Newt’s debate performances have been magnificient. He’s had an answer for pretty much everything, and doesn’t really get flustered. He’s taken it to the media when they’ve been nonsensical. He is the only candidate, in Dr. J.’s opinion who can talk over the moderator and press and talk directly to the voter. He won’t be lead into a trap by the media. He really has the best command of all of the issues, foreign and domestic. 

2). Dr. J. thinks his tax plan is far better than Mr. Santorum’s ‘picking favorites’ strategy, and Mr. Romney’s loophole closing, hopefully tax burden neutral to Dr. J. plan. Dr. Laffer endorsed it, and so did Dr. J.

3) Newt’s tenure as Speaker of the House was the strongest demonstration of leadership with results by one of the four Republican candidates. He won the house. He passed the Contract with America (in the House only) swiftly, and most importantly, he worked with a Democrat President, with some help from the tech bubble to right the fiscal ship. We actually enjoyed budget surpluses when he was in charge of the purse strings. Romney did some good things under hostile circumstances in Massachusetts and was good in the real world, so he gets points for that. Rick ‘lead’ by going along to get along. Ron voted no again, and again, and again. 

4 ) John Bolton, Secretary of State!

5) He can crystalize the issues for the voters, and make them resonate. Even this morning, Mrs. Dr. J. (who is voting for Mitt) was saying, “I wish he didn’t have the baggage, honestly, he’s the one that makes the most sense of all of them.” For Mrs. Dr. J., Newt’s adulterous past is a deal breaker.

6) Dr. J. likes the idea of rejuvenating the space program.  Sorry.

7) Newt doesn’t give a fig what you think about him. Dr. J. worries that his opponents would blink and do the expeditious thing rather than the right thing after being pilloried by the press.

8) Dr. J. loves his professorial side. Ultimately, Dr. J. is more of a professorial Conservative, gravitating towards conservative intellectuals, than a country club Republican, or a religious Conservative. If you had to pigeon-hole Dr. J.’s politics, he is the conservative that doesn’t get mocked by his lefty friends in the faculty lounge for his beliefs, because ‘he’s not rude and he has thought it through, at least…’ from their POV.

9) I think he means what he says with regard to executing an aggressive energy plan that will decrease energy costs responsibly. 

10) Dr. J. has been watching Newt since his conversion and interviews even before he entered the race. Dr. J. buys his repentance for past sins and even sees a humble side to this bombastic individual, especially when he speaks of his past transgressions. He knows that he has done some bad things in his past, and he willingly acknowledges their wrongness. Dr. J. thinks he is truly sorry. Let him without sin throw the first stone, and all. Dr. J. thinks that if Rick got caught eating meat on a Friday during Lent, he would crumple before the MSM after being destroyed for being a hypocrite. Mitt sometimes comes off as incapable of doing wrong, as he is so squeeky clean as to be unreal. 

Now Dr. J. feels that your Gormogons have presented the candidates fairly, but with Dr. J. having he burden of casting the first Gormogon vote in the GOP primary in ’12, he thought it fair for you to know where he stands. 

Just don’t tell Mrs. Dr. J….

About Dr. J.

Dr. J. was born the son of a New Atlantean sharecropper who cornered the market on notoriously delicious seaweed Himanthalia elongata (popularly known as Thongweed). With his newly minted seaweed fortune, Mr. J. the Elder sent his son to attend the Academy of Sorcery, Alchemy and Surgery where the good doctor apprenticed with the finest sorcerer surgeons in New Atlantis. Dr. J.'s areas of expertise grew to include bleeding, cutting for stone, trephination, medical divination with outstanding spatial and temporal resolution, cybernetic sorcery and medicinal alchemy. When King Orin of Atlantis fell ill with the Ick, Dr. J. stepped in with an elixir he devised from a combination of minerals, herbs and saps. Curing the king, Dr. J. gained significant notoriety which afforded him the luxury of time to devote himself to his side hobbies which include porpoise racing, the study of supply-side economics, cooking and raising his lovely merchildren alongside his lovely bride the archconservative Mrs. Dr. J.