In Other News
In other news, George Michael is improving from whatever disease it is that makes faded British rock stars look like Ringo Starr.
And in other news, Fox reports “Microscopic Worms May Hold Key to Life on Mars.” God knows NASA hasn’t found anything; why not ask the worms?
Also, in other news, people who plays sports have a slightly higher risk of injury compared to those who do not.
Time reports that “China Expects 48,000 New Cases of HIV This Year.” Clearly they went nuts on Black Monday this year with the online ordering.
Anders Behring Breivik, who is not a children’s story author (yet, as far as we know), but was arrested for killing 77 innocent teenagers, has been found insane due to his overwhelming and sustained compulsion to murder people. As a result, he will not stand trial, and stands a fair chance of not being released into the general public in a couple of days.
In other news, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of students taking advantage of their school’s free lunch, which the media suspects is another sign the economy might be bad. What this means is that your tax dollars helped pay for thousands of kids to take one slice of pizza, and throw away the milk, apple, energy bar, and mixed vegetables that came with it. The Czar has seen the free lunch program at numerous schools: by mass, about 80% goes right into those big trash cans on wheels in the cafeteria.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.