Letters to a Cranky Czar

Your Czarness,

As much as I fear incurring wrath from the Castle, I must confess that I describe myself, politically speaking, as, ahem, an ….independent.

I do vote and so contradict your first point, and as you’ve now had the dubious distinction of being the recipient of my waay-too-looong missives, you can’t think that I lack strong opinions.

If you were to look at my voting record, you’d see that it has become over time mostly Republican, especially at the national level. However, I always make an effort to split tickets.

A pox on both their houses, I say! Both parties are highly capable of running and electing and promoting complete ninnies. For example, is Harry Reid seriously the best the Democrats can come up with to lead the Senate? Really? Did anyone catch his little soliloquy about the FAA “shutdown” when he channeled his inner Mr. GreenJeans and waxed rhapsodic about his blooming pomegranates? Seriously. John Stewart was kind enough to replay the clip since it was way funnier than anything a comedy writer could contrive. Really funny, unless you happen to remember that Reid in the Presidential line of succession.

On the Republican side I am currently amused by the self-delusional Newt Gingrich. Sure, buddy, you’ll get elected. Most Americans can totally understand one ex-wife, but when you’ve got two ex’es plus a current model, you sir are showing a complete lack of good judgement. [I think it was in The Importance of Being Earnest, when Oscar Wilde wrote of an orphan that to lose a parent was tragic, but to lose two parents was simply careless.]

Why, Your Czarness, would I wish to associate myself with either party?

Yours from the Doublewide,


Or, as the Czar suggested, you have a strong opinion but don’t want to admit it. The Czar thinks you lean heavily conservative. As the Czar added, your dismissal of Newt Gingrich hardly makes you anti-conservative. Wethinks you indeed lean strongly conservative based on your actions more than your self-assessment of independence.

Gosh, you people need to get up earlier to trick the Czar.

Like DT, who has been transferred to Florida as the Myrmidons are being assembled from the ranks of manatees.

Oh Scary Yet Intriguingly Cuddly Czar,

Have you expanded your mastery of all of the interwebs by taking on Google+? If so, is there a Gormogon feed I might follow?


Wrangler of Myrmidons

(now in Florida, where God intended!)

Yes, there is a Gormogon feed. Here it is. No, it isn’t Google+. And it won’t be, because as GorT said to us the other day, “‘Puter ain’t going anywhere unless it provides followers.” Amen.

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.