This Movie Really Sucks

The offensively accurate Brendan at Tyler Durden shares something in common with the Czar: a total loathing for celebrities, coupled with Hollywood’s inexplicable idolatry for people who couldn’t figure out where the Panama Canal was located.

Most of his stuff, by the way, is not at all safe for work. It probably isn’t safe for home viewing, either, but you can blame the obscenity of popular culture for that. But day after day he totally nails its stupidity. He has outdone even himself with this scathing review of the forthcoming movie Battleship:

Instead of making a World War II movie about battleships, maybe one about Leyte Gulf, the largest naval battle in the history of the world, which had like 30 battleships in it, they made this.

A modern day battleship movie. With aliens.

Um, just in case you’re a girl, the US Navy hasn’t had a battleship in its fleet for like 20 years. The big money shot at the end? [A]n Iowa class battleship. We don’t have those anymore. Battleships aren’t even listed on the Navys inventory anymore. They were torn apart for scrap metal. 5 or 6 are still around as memorials, but they couldn’t fire any more than they could have a giant helicopter blade come out of the top and fly away.

He lacks high hopes for this movie, as does the Czar. The Czar probably would have mentioned this monumental mistaken premise as well, but thinks Brendan got it perfectly phrased.

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.