Hey Buddy, This Ain’t A Library
You know what television commercial annoys the Czar a little bit? The State Farm commercial, in which a woman buys a newspaper. The proprietor jumps up and says “Excuse me—your change.” Cut to the Non-Threatening Hispanic Male standing in front of the magazine racks with a couple of periodicals in his hand. “It’s nice to know you can trust people,” he says, as he walks away without paying.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.