THE GORMOGONS CONSPIRACY FOR GLOBAL DOMINATION — FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

PRESIDENT OBAMA STREAKED — GORMOGONS DISCLAIM RESPONSIBILITY


CASTLE GORMOGON, PLATEAU OF LENG, 10/11/10


The Gormogons disclaim, immediately and categorically, any responsibility for the puerile streaking stunt at a presidential rally yesterday.


We have extensive documentary evidence that Ghettoputer Gormogon was, in fact, nowhere near the rally in question which we will provide to law-enforcement officials upon demand. Such suspicion is understandable, given certain unfortunate incidents in the past, but we are confident that G. ’Puter‘s innocence will be proved by x-rays of his recent back surgery, proving his inability to run, and an extensive bar tab at the Leaping Peacock as well as notarized witness statements that his booze-fueled nude rampage was confined to a three-block area around said establishment. To excerpt:


“Oh, that nice ’Puter. We know he gets a little hinky sometimes. Like that time he smashed and ate our mailbox. But he’s so nice otherwise. He brought us a new mailbox as an apology. It was kind of strange that it had a different house number and the name Van Voortman on it, but you can’t stay mad at him. I’m sure he’ll do something to replace that strip of lawn. And the snowmobile in the lake that stripped it right up.” —Arlene Groshendler, 72.


All questions should be directed to the Gormogons’ Press Secretary, the Mandarin. No contact information is provided, because if you think them hard enough, his orbital mind-control satellites will pick them up, and he’ll beam the answer straight into your brain, or show up at your house and boot you in the gut, depending on his opinion of the quality of the question.

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