Camels and Straws [UPDATED]

The next time someone dares to claim in your presence that teachers are woefully underpaid and underappreciated, bust out this little nugget and tell them to STFU and crawl back under their patchouli scented serape with the joint burns in it.

Teachers in Buffalo, New York got $9,000,000.00 worth of PLASTIC SURGERY paid for by New York taxpayers last year.

‘Puter does not mind teachers that take pride in their appearance. However, to be crass, he does not want to pay for Miss Jones 38 DD store-bought titties.

And the union’s excuse is emblematic of everything wrong with public sector unions today. “The teachers’ union president says the union will give up the benefit in the next contract. He suspects teachers know the benefit will disappear and are using it while they can.”

Translated from Unionese: “We’re in business to screw taxpayers until we get caught, and we got caught here.”

UPDATE: Gormogon Operative Bee Gee writes in:

A little speculative math:

Assuming your average face lift costs about $10,000, something like nine hundred Buffalo teachers got cosmetic surgery last year.

The weather in Buffalo might be cold, but I’m thinking the teachers must be hot enough to melt 24″ rebar.

An excellent point, Loyal Operative. And ‘Puter always appreciates extra math help. Czar told ‘Puter there would be no math, but Czar was playing a mean trick.

About 'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies. The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig. His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred. He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently. Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet. 'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.