‘Puter’s been doing some more thinking about unions. ‘Puter knows. He’s a broken record. If you don’t like it, get your own danged blog where you can write about Hello Kitty, unicorns and gay pride parades. If you do, send ‘Puter a link.

Unions do not benefit most workers today, despite their claims otherwise. There. It’s now been said.

‘Puter does not dispute that unions did play in the past a significant role in improving the lot of workers. Many workplace safety improvements are a direct result of union activity. These improvements impacted all workers, not merely unionized workers, and for that, we all owe unions a debt of gratitude.

Now here’s ‘Puter’s big “but.” BUT, unions today have plucked all the low-hanging fruit. Name one significant union-driven workplace safety advance in the last 20 years. Anyone? ‘Puter thought not. What the unions have done is to drive pay and benefits for a certain subclass of workers (union members (primarily public sector)) beyond sustainable levels. See, e.g., the public pension crises in California, Illinois, New York, New Jersey, etc. Click through on the link — it’s get an informative interactive map where you can check out how much you’re on the hook for teacher and state worker pensions. In ‘Puter’s state of residence (Nueva Jork), the pensions are 49% funded, with a projected $286 billion shortfall. That’s going to leave a mark, but on ‘Puter’s kids, so ‘Puter’s not all that concerned. He’ll be long dead when the bill comes due.

Unions hurt all workers with their unsustainable benefits and salaries. ‘Puter blames all politicians who have permitted these benefits as well. Unions couldn’t have screwed the taxpayers without a hefty assist from politicians. Until the point that the state-crippling union pension and wage benefit system collapses, taxpayers will be stuck footing the ever-increasing tax levies necessary to pay for them. And who are the taxpayers? Workers, most of whom get no benefit whatsoever from this Ponzi scheme.

Further, unionization hurts workers looking to compete for positions. Unions exist as a barrier to entry to certain jobs. Say, for example, you are a qualified teacher. Heck, let’s say you’re one of the 10 best teachers in your state, having taught English for 25 years. Your wife gets transferred, and you want to teach in your new town within the same state. Let’s further suppose your wife is making godlike money running a Fortune 100 corporation. You decide, in light of your financial situation and the current fiscal crisis, you’d work for entry level salary and benefits. But all the English slots are filled with teachers. The job you’d take is filled by a phone-it-in seat filler who has ruined generations of students. You can’t get the job, no matter how bad the school district wants you. Seniority and union rules prevent it. Unions prevent wages from sinking (or rising) to meet the supply for the position.

If math and science teachers were rational at all, they’d spin off from the local teachers’ union and form their own union. Screw the gym teachers, el-ed folks and social sciences. They’re a dime a dozen. How much of a premium do you think a good physics or calculus teacher could command over the average el-ed drone? You’d think the math people would have actually, you know, done the math.

‘Puter knows this post is disjointed, but that’s the way ‘Puter’s feeling today. It must be all the pollen coming off of Sleestak’s opium poppy plantation up in the attic. It’s all part of your Gormogons plan to destroy the Taliban by artificially imploding the commodity price of opium through dumping tons and tons of opium produced in our worldwide network of secret plantations. But that’s for another post.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.