They found Shackleton’s scotch.

Cases of Charles Mackinlay’s Whisky, a scotch blend, have been found in Antactica and positively linked to explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton, who stashed it there in 1909 to hide it from his wife.

Ice covered the site for a century, and broke many of the bottles. However, thanks to global warming, the ice has thawed and revealed nature’s own recipe for a scotch and water. A substantial portion of the whiskey is appears to be drinkable, and questions are being asked as to whether the scotch can legally be removed for drinking, since it is now a historical site.

‘Puter believes the scotch should not leave Antarctica, and should stay right where it is. He has already purchased his tickets and intends to drink it there. “I have long advocated that you drink in history wherever you find it,” he exclaimed, “And now it is time to put my mouth where the bottles are.”

A similar ecological disaster occurred in 1993, when Ghettoputer saw a sign saying Drink Canada Dry. He misunderstood its intent, and very nearly succeeded.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.