Gormogon operative and Head of Security – Southeastern Quadrant writes to your beloved and most humble Mandarin the following missive.

Dear Mr. Mandarin:

As always, the teeming masses owe a debt of gratitude to the eminences who reside in Castle Gormgon, in this case for warning us of the iceberg careening towards Australia.

Bummer ’bout that man. Got me so depressed, that I downed a few too many Iron Maidens in the Castle’s piano lobby bar. But I’m feeling much better today thanks to some BC Powders mixed with my morning shot of white lightning.

But still I cannot get that iceberg thingee out of my muddled little ole brain.

I’m betting that must be one really ginormous chunk of ice if it has the potential to cause a magnitude 3-4 earthquake.

It done got me to wondering, if that sucker’s big enough to cause the earth to move under [our] feet, might it be big enough to chill the surrounding water ever so slightly?

I mean, I’ve conducted a few scientific experiments in my day, and the scientific method, if followed correctly, yields repeatable results. [WORD to them fellers at East Anglia]

To wit…I have observed that when I drop a chunk of ice into an adult beverage, over time, the ice will melt and the adult beverage will get colder. Quaffably so, in fact.

Try it out. Ice. Drink. Repeat. Fun for all involved!

Now, the ocean is just a bitty bit bigger than my typical adult beverage of choice, but then that ginormous chunk of ice is bigger than the ice cubes out of my fridge. So, the surrounding ocean temperature surely must be affected, musn’t it? Where I’m from, you just cain’t melt no ice without lowering the temp of the surrounding liquid.

Now, I don’t know much about ‘rithmatic..but you, Mr. Mandarin, you can manage “polarized vectorometry [so that you] can change the weather on a global level” in order “…to confound the climatologists by alternatively raising and lowering global temperatures every 7.3 years.”

So I was wondering about the unknown unknowns of this situation. If the ocean near Australia gets a bit cooler for a while, mighten there be some “butterfly wing” effect that we can’t/haven’t predicted?

This is where the entire argument for global warming has always seemed weakest to me. There is just so very much that we don’t know or understand well enough. Solar flares and the Maunder Minimum. Mt. Pinatubo spewed enough ash into the air to do what?

I think I need another shot of white lightning & BC!

JAB

Head of Security for Southeastern Quadrant/Hotville

JAB, your Mandarin is most thankful for you vast scientific and may I say far more acurate model of climatology than anything he has seen from Al Gore. For your efforts you will be receiving a case of Gormogon Jams and Jellies. The best part is that you can use the jars for bar glasses when you have finished their delicious and somewhat questionable contents.

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.