The Czar on the Afghanistan Speech

The Czar thinks the Afghanistan speech was far from President Obama’s worst speech. We also think that some of the early conservative criticism of it is too close to nitpicking. The President took some veiled potshots at President Bush, but nothing too over-the-top. So he didn’t mention jihad. Big deal. He didn’t mention healthcare either, for once. Anyone with half a brain (even well-endowed liberals) knows he meant jihad.


Good Points:

Assuring Afghanistan we are not there to rule them. Probably will have no effect, but generally foreigners of any stripe in Afghanistan are traditionally viewed as invaders. This speech will hardly fix that, but it was necessary to mention.

Nice job reminding Pakistan that they did not take the Taliban seriously and dire consequences resulted for them. Makes ‘em aware that you like what they’re doing now, but you haven’t forgotten about the last few years of their ineptitude.

You were right to say that Afghanistan and Pakistan are no hypothetical threats. You are already taking heat from liberals that you are wrong to send in more troops, and further wrong to even wage war there. Do not listen to them. Listen to your speechwriter’s words—they are planning to kill all of us. It is quite true.

Finally. Thank you for reminding our friends and allies that we’ve been shouldering too much of this load alone. We would like more participation, more assistance, and more cooperation. Sadly, your foreign policy trips pretty much shows that the rest of the world doesn’t give a crap about what you think. Yes, you were right to bring this up. But don’t hold your breath: you ain’t George Bush.

Bad Points:

You can’t throw out 2011 without explaining how you arrived at that date. So how did you?

You sounded a bit whiny about “there has never been an option before me that called for troop deployments before 2010,” because you’re simply refuting that you didn’t dither. Fact is, if it took this long to order 30,000 troops to deploy, how long will it take when Iran nukes somebody and we need 700,000 troops to put Iran out of business?

What is “And having just experienced the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression” supposed to mean? The economic crisis is, for a quarter of Americans, still very much with us. That little slight of hand didn’t work.

Not sure your claim that saw first-hand the terrible wages of war really has much currency. Condolence letters, flat-draped caskets, and visiting wounded veterans a couple of times does not (cough, cough) equate with Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Yes, you are Commander in Chief, but that doesn’t mean you’ve shouldered a rifle and went over the top.

If you are so hell-bent on eliminating extremists after nuclear weapons in favor of rebuilding movements from inside the country, can you elucidate your cognitive dissonance on Iran?

Wouldn’t have mentioned Gitmo. Your track record there is almost a laugh track.


If Afghanistan is no Vietnam, why the secret plan to end the war through Afghanization under a government head we do not fully trust? Crack open a history book, Mr. President. It may not be Vietnam today, but so far your plan is sounding like it could go that way fast.

Your comments that America was young and innocent under Roosevelt will probably give conservatives like us great fodder for weeks to come. Anyone care to guess why?

Enough with the unity speeches already. We know you did it because a lot of wealthy liberals are pissed off that you are following a Republican recommendation. But you are the effing Commander in Chief, and you are doing your job. If they don’t like it, too freaking bad. After all, polls show they are clearly in a sloppy minority. You want to listen to the majority.

(‘Puter, GorT, Mandarin, and Volgi: the Czar welcomes your own reactions to the speech.)

About The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia by upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.