After more than a decade of powerful rule, the Labour party looks to have its buttocks smartly thumped by Conservatives in next years election.
Brits, frustrated with the sagging economy, oppressive unemployment, emptying tax coffers, a series of get-rich-quick scandals and embarrassing losses of face internationally, Gordon Brown is facing a landslide defeat for his partys insulting nanny state ways.
What do you do to win the hearts of the British voter? You announce tougher anti-social laws, of course!
The country is in a bad state: crime is increasing dramatically, critical infrastructure systems are broken, and the US treats you like an odd-smelling distant cousin. Brown intends to fix that by cracking down on bad parenting and teenage binge drinking.
On the parenting issue, it will now be the governments responsibility to enforce good parenting, not limited to a parenting contract, with mandatory interventions for the top 50,000 most chaotic families (no doubt identified by a complex matrix of chaos quality factors). In accounting that should sound painfully familiar to angry American voters, this will cost £50 million in real currency, but save £3 billion in fairy currency over time by magically lowering the need to pay out welfare and crime damage costs. Yes… the fact that the soaring unemployment will cost £50 billion in unemployment dole payments is more acceptable. Excellent use of government focus and resources, Mr. Brown.
And the sheer magnitude of teenagers drinking alcohol will not escape his liberal fury, either. Get busted committing a crime while hammered, and you could suffer a national drink banning. Good luck getting into pub now, eh Jackie? That logic of course sounds familiar to American gun owners: one might suppose that the folks tearing up your citizenry with violent crimes probably arent hatching their plots sitting over pints of Newcastles at the Rowdy Lion. They probably arent even old enough to get alcohol.
Oddly, PM Brown is failing to address other critical opportunities to take control over British society. Mandatory government health and fitness exercise programs. Mandatory government dog walking services. Mandatory government urination programs. The more you think about daily activities, the more opportunity there is to increase the size of the nanny state. The country is collapsing into poverty? Why not mandate toothbrushing incentives for £20 million of taxpayer money?
Madness. Absolute madness. Well, the Czar congratulates the Conservatives on another deserved win.