Yeah, well, like most liberals, Mr. Jordan needs a history lesson.

Tom Jordan attended the President’s town hall speech in New Hampshire today. Mr. Jordan, an Obama supporter and social studies teacher, does not understand some of the protest signs.

“You look at these guys, with their Hitler posters and their communist posters…How can they say Obama is both at the same time?”

Because Mr. Jordan is a social studies teacher, we can cut him some ironic slack for not knowing anything about history, culture, or world affairs. So the Czar—who does not consider the President a Nazi or a communist but an élitist academic radically pro-social liberal with a severely myopic view on theory versus reality contrasted by extreme narcissism and probably megalomania (which would be a bit awkward on a foamboard sign)—will explain to Mr. Jordan why he needs to switch to better textbooks.

Let us consider Nazis and communists in the present tense. One is a dictatorial extreme socialist regime which committs massive atrocities in order to stabilize a cult of power. Private industries are nationalized in response to economic suffering, and the military is used as an extension of all policy decisions in an often ruthless, brutal, and cruel fashion domestically, whereas foreign policy consists of aggressive expansionism in order to steal natural resources and import them to fuel internal corruption.

The other was the same thing.

Doubtless Mr. Jordan reminds his young charges that these two systems hated each other, and fought brutally in World War II. Or would, perhaps, because Mr. Jordan’s class is probably like every other social studies class, and the school year runs out while still covering the Civil War because they had to spend 5 weeks on the Egyptians building model pyramids, and another 4 weeks on the American Revolution re-enacting fabulous Thanksgiving dinners with pilgrim hats and feathers, and so the kids never learn if the slaves get freed or not.

So, because of the fact the two systems fought against each other in World War II, they were godawful enemies. So how could someone describe President Obama as a Nazi and a communist? Is this not a contradiction?

Mr. Jordan fails to recognize that while red ants and black ants fight, they are both ants. And for the same reason Nazis and communists fought: they were competing for limited resources. Each knew the other had a persuasive ideology to liberals, and antagonistic competition started early when both sides were recruiting members. Animosity between Germany and Russia lingered after World War I, and old wounds were not forgotten, especially as both countries knew they could not causally expand into each other without fighting. And while both signed non-aggression pacts with each other—because they were fellow liberals after all—each side openly planned to violate the treaty by attacking the other. The Nazis just mobilized faster. In the end, each knew, they would need to expand into the other in order to sustain the money-losing economic structures of extreme socialism.

In theory, and we all know liberals dwell in this Garden of Eden, there were pretty important differences between National Socialism and Communism. In theory, communist workers control the means of production, and everyone profits. In Nazi fascist theory, government controls the means of production, and national socialists profit. But obviously, in practice, the top dogs of the politburo never distributed the power, wealth, and profits and acted very much as a dictatorial regime as did the Nazis. The only net difference is that a communist thought the politburo in charge, and the Nazi thought Hitler in charge. As long as you were a follower of one, you could not follow the other.

But one more thing, Mr. Jordan. You can be both communist and national socialist, provided you are the one in charge. Is Mr. Obama in charge?

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.