Thanks to questions from our
dozens billions of fans, the Gormogon Gift Shop, in the first level of the Castle Gormogon (next to ‘Puter’s Pub and the Mandarin Grill) contains action figures for all of us.
|The Mandarin comes with a variety of energy rings, an Orbitron Rotator, plasma-dimensionalizer, and poseable lawn ornaments. Button in back triggers gut-booting action! Note: contains traces of radioactivity. $9.99|
|‘Puter comes with punt gun, bourbon bottle, and vomit button. Right hand shoots out and chokes union action figures (no button for this; this happens automatically). Do not leave on toy shelf with change on the dresser. $8.99|
|GorT comes with negative matter annihilator, positronic rectifier, wireless relay, and 2 GB of USB storage. Warning: may catastrophically disassemble other toys nearby to “upgrade” them. $10.99|
|The Volgi comes with kwon dao halberd, magic spells and yarrow sticks, and detachable umlauts. Deploy his combat analects! Says 19 phrases (actually the same thing in 19 different languages). Note: only available in Wade-Giles. $9.99|
|The Czar of Muscovy features a rage button, chopping and throwing axe, glowing red eyes, and will attempt to kill every other toy on the shelf. $8.99|