Fair Share

Recently ‘Puter’s been hearing a lot of talk about making “the rich” pay their “fair share” in taxes. This seems to be code for “I want more. Take that guy’s stuff and give it to me.”

‘Puter has given the matter some thought, and will now be taking the following position on “fair share” of income tax advocates. ‘Puter will now reply that he will be happy to pay his “fair share” of his income to the government just as soon as people taking government welfare/benefits/etc. start only taking their “fair share.”

Unemployed able bodied guy? Too bad. Take the crap job at McDonalds and we’ll make up the difference.

Welfare mother who has more kids while on welfare? Too bad. No additional benefits for you.

People who think they’ve earned social security at 62, or even better government pensions at 55? Sorry. Age limits just increased, or benefits just got lowered.

Corporate farmers getting crop subsidies? So sorry. The government teat done went and dried up.

Schools (and associated unions) putting out uneducated kids? Show ‘Puter good results and ‘Puter’ll show you the money.

The possibilities are endless.

If ‘Puter’s version of “fair share” catches on, it’s more likely than not that spending will decrease such that suddenly the government will find it doesn’t need ‘Puter’s “fair share” of income.

Posted in Economics permalink

About 'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies. The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig. His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred. He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently. Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet. 'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.