So the geniuses in the Illinois General Assembly passed a bill with the following language:

RESOLVED, BY THE SENATE OF THE NINETY-SIXTH GENERAL ASSEMBLY OF THE STATE OF ILLINOIS, that as Pluto passes overhead through Illinois’ night skies, that it be reestablished with full planetary status, and that March 13, 2009 be declared “Pluto Day” in the State of Illinois in honor of the date its discovery was announced in 1930.

It’s odd that a state legislature would do such a thing without some tie, so taking a page from Ohio’s book (the state claiming the be the “birthplace of flight” because the Wright brothers were born there), they add the following to the bill:

WHEREAS, Clyde Tombaugh, discoverer of the planet Pluto, was born on a farm near the Illinois community of Streator
WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh is so far the only Illinoisan and only American to ever discover a planet; and

Whoa! Stop the presses. Dr. Tombaugh is the only American to discover a planet? Really? How about Googling the following: Debra Fischer, Geoffrey Marcy and R. Paul Butler. I’m sure there’s others as well. This is the same body our illustrious President derived all that great experience from….”present”. Maybe they thought it was the Pluto pictured left.

GorT

GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.