Nothing A Good Bankruptcy Proceeding Couldn’t Solve

Geithner Force, Go!Since Secretary Geithner’s doing such a bang-up job bringing us out of our current crisis, this seems like a good idea. That’s right, folks. The White House and Secretary Geithner want Congress to give them even more power to distort our financial system.

‘Puter’s left with this obvious question. What makes President Obama and Secretary Geithner so cock-sure they can run a private financial company better than the private sector did? Heck, President Obama’s projecting his company (the United States Government) to lose $9.3 trillion over the next few years. And in the private sector, you can’t resort to raising taxes and running year-to-year deficits to keep your business afloat.

Here’s a good solution that doesn’t require Congress to expend any more energy (or money) than necessary. Let the failed and failing companies go bankrupt. Nicole Gelinas in The City Journal ably explains this new-fangled concept of “bankruptcy” and its usefulness in the crisis here.

Additionally, the FDIC could prevent banks from: (1) selling mortgages to aggregators; (2) lending to subprime risks; (3) purchasing CDOs or MBSs; and/or (4) engaging in any and all other activity the FDIC thinks may have caused the current crisis.

President Obama and Congress can clean this fiasco up (now that it is (seemingly) stabilized), and prevent a recurrence, using only the tools they currently have at their disposal. There is no need to give the government more power over our economy out of a misplaced sense of fear.

** Pictured above, Secretary Geithner and Mighty Spendin’ Power Rangers prepare to testify before Congress today. Geithner in pink, with +2 Bow of Cluelessness.

About 'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies. The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig. His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred. He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently. Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet. 'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.