Esteemed and Exalted Gormogons,
Although my wife and I are among the half of Americans who pay taxes so the other half can call us filthy names, we understand and appreciate the natural human desire to get something for nothing. So today, I have patriotically taken matters into my own hands. After consulting with She Who Must Be Appeased, I called the Washington Post’s subscription services office at 202-334-6100 to ask them to cancel my Sundays-only subscription. Very nice lady there took my information down and told me I was paid up, ironically enough, through the January 20 issue. Rather than ask for a refund of about five bucks for the future papers, I said fine. The very nice lady then asked me why I wanted to stop delivery. I’m afraid I’m a lot more eloquent on paper than over the phone; as near as I can recall, my sputtering answer included the following phrases: “destroying the country,” “carrying water for Obama,” “ignoring Benghazi and Fast and Furious,” “dogs on car rooftops,” “my father escaped Nazi-occupied France and is now at Arlington National Cemetery,” “where are Woodward and Bernstein these days?” and “I’m not going to give any more money to an organization that’s doing its level best to destroy America.”
She politely thanked me and wished me a nice day, and I told her to do the same.
Then I had to wipe the spittle off my phone.
My wife wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic about this as I am (she told me she thinks I’m becoming narrow-minded, even though her political views track mine very closely, just not as angrily). She kinda shrugged her shoulders and said, “We can always read it online.” Which is fine with me, since the sports pages are generally mercifully devoid of treason and aid and comfort to the enemy. Plus, it’s “free,” or at least someone else is paying for the web site. And that’s about another pound each week (fifty-two pounds a year!) of trees that won’t give their lives so E.J. Dionne can spread his idiot babblings. See? I’m helping save Mother Gaia! You’re welcome, Al Gore!
I’m trying to think what else I can do to try to save our country (and our precious Earth). I haven’t come up with anything yet, but this is a start. Can I assume that The Gormogons long ago stopped lining the filthy pockets of their local left-wing fish liners?
Seriously, shouldn’t everyone who cares about this country do the same, wherever they live?
That number again is 202-334-6100. For the New York Times, the number is 1‑800‑NYTIMES (1‑800‑698‑4637).
-- Operative B.G.
Science is the process of crash testing ideas; the scientist does not coddle an idea, or design tests to make it work. The scientist rams the idea into a brick wall head-on at 60 mph, and knowledge is gained by examining the pieces. If the theory is solid, the pieces are from the wall.Dear B.G.,
Dr. J. drew the short straw, and polled the Gormogons. Getting to the Czar was more than challenging, as Dr. J. had to wait for him to regain consciousness between rounds at the Leaping Peacock, where he's been since last Tuesday. Even then, Island Dweller had to fill in for him regarding this issue.
Here is what your Gormogons' have had to say regarding the issue of subscribing to the 'print media.'