Hurricane Survival Guide

With Hurricane Sandoval (“Sandy”) making life a living hell for uptight urban dwellers who take a cab to the coffee shop when it snows, many Americans are going to experience a hurricane for the first time. The Czar has been through just about everything, and offers these safety tips:

	Keep your windows closed, and draw your drapes closed. Turn out all the lights until Hurricane Sandy leaves. Convince her you do not live here.
	Do not drink standing water, as Sandy is usually not very clean. Often, her water is sandy.
	Stock up on plenty of staples, as paper clips are often difficult to find in emergencies.
	You might need to rough it in your basement for a couple of days.
	If the power goes out, be prepared to cook meals indoors, the old fashioned way.
	Be alert, and move quick to repair any damage to your house before your safety is threatend.
	Keep children entertained during the hurricane, as they may become bored and irritable. Find fun, competitive things to do.
	Expect a lot of water in the roads. Be certain what you drive into.