Wednesday, November 30, 2011

If the Republican candidates need a speechwriter...

Victor David Hanson substantively sums up the Obama's legacy as a One Term President™ nicely over at NRO. It is a polite, but devastating takedown of why he has failed as President and why we should be crawling across broken glass to vote for his eventual opponent.

This is Dr. J.'s favorite part...
The Obama legacy in the War on Terror is as Predator-in-Chief — boldly increasing targeted assassinations tenfold from the Bush era, on the theory that we more or less kill the right suspected terrorists; few civil libertarians care much, apparently because one of their own is doing it.
He wraps things up neatly with a bow as well...
Few American presidents have dashed so many popular, deeply embedded illusions as has Barack Obama. And for that, we owe him a strange sort of thanks.
What it boils down to is that President Obama has been the aAmerican President. Dr. J. doesn't want to use divisive terms such as anti-American or un-American with the connotations they carry. While Superman was raised to believe in Truth, Justice and the American Way, President Obama was probably raised to be above all of silly notions such as the American Way. He's more of European Union President than an American President, because of his eschewing of our national interests, for example. Dr. J. had peers and teachers in high school and college who felt a cause was just if it opposed our national interest. Dr. J. found them bat-shit crazy, but they would just be bewildered when he didn't get the flawed logic in their thinking.

A smart Republican should be able to latch on to this speech and use it as a primer to fight their way to the White House.

In Other News

In other news, George Michael is improving from whatever disease it is that makes faded British rock stars look like Ringo Starr.

And in other news, Fox reports “Microscopic Worms May Hold Key to Life on Mars.” God knows NASA hasn’t found anything; why not ask the worms?

Also, in other news, people who plays sports have a slightly higher risk of injury compared to those who do not.

Time reports that “China Expects 48,000 New Cases of HIV This Year.” Clearly they went nuts on Black Monday this year with the online ordering.

Anders Behring Breivik, who is not a children’s story author (yet, as far as we know), but was arrested for killing 77 innocent teenagers, has been found insane due to his overwhelming and sustained compulsion to murder people. As a result, he will not stand trial, and stands a fair chance of not being released into the general public in a couple of days.

In other news, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of students taking advantage of their school’s free lunch, which the media suspects is another sign the economy might be bad. What this means is that your tax dollars helped pay for thousands of kids to take one slice of pizza, and throw away the milk, apple, energy bar, and mixed vegetables that came with it. The Czar has seen the free lunch program at numerous schools: by mass, about 80% goes right into those big trash cans on wheels in the cafeteria.

But Does It Get Old?


Genius from Verum Serum, sent to us by the Greatest of Graces.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Red Eye glares at toasters

Dr. J.'s buddy, Jamie Jeffords, at the Eye of Polyphemus, has completed his wanderings in the wilderness that were reviews of the dreck called Star Trek: Voyager, and has cast his gaze towards Caprica and has begun reviewing Battlestar Galactica (1978). Dr. J. has fond memories of that series and looks forward to his reviews, especially of the The Living Legend (staring Lloyd Bridges as Commander Cain) and War of the Gods (starring Patrick Macnee as Count Iblis).

Dr. J. hopes you enjoys the nostalgia along with him. Thankfully, Galactica 1980 will not be recounted.

شيطان بزرگ

With Iran directly challenging the United Kingdom by seizing its embassy in Tehran and multiple hostages, you might be interested in some 13-year-old relationship Herman Cain may have had with the former drummer of Cream. No, wrong Ginger.

Anyway, Iran is without question the most important story of the day, unfortunately for actress Anne Hathaway, who finally made news. But yes, Iranian protestors got out of control (meaning, they were following orders) and seized the British embassy in Tehran after the West imposed new sanctions on Iran.

Why the British? As much as Iranians have a propagandized hatred for America and Israel, Iranian officials have long had a peculiar obsession with the British, and view them very much as a source of most ills in their world. Why? Well, the answer is weird and complicated.

For one practical reason, the British are still there. Americans are largely absent, so if you need a convenient source for excuses to lash out, the Brits are always there. But more so, anger at Britain dates back centuries, even before 1872 when England took over most of Persia’s industries and took off with most of the profits. More recently, modern Iranian mullahs still recall the CIA-led overthrow of the popular Mossadeq government in 1953, when Britain (and the British oil companies, if you’re an Iranian nationalist) helped the US restore the horribly unpopular Shah to power. Yes, that Shah; the 1979 one. Countless books and movies continue to portray Brits as villains in order to reinforce the stereotype that the British are behind nearly everything the government does not like.

Point is, the Iranians need to blame somebody, and you always have those conniving, piratic Brit bloodsuckers to blame. They have helped the Great Satan so many times that the government views them as America’s factotum anyway. Hence, it makes sense that Iranians storm the British embassy only to chant Marg bar Amrika.

Anyway, as ‘Puter remarked at breakfast this morning: “If Britain ignores this casus belli in Tehran, we need to rethink the definition of casus belli.” The Czar observes that when Iran seizes an embassy and takes hostages, what happens next is all too clear.

UK Climate Change

There is a bit of a to-do happening across the pond with regards to climate change and the UK's energy policies.  In mid-November, the UK Secretary of State for Energy wrote a letter to Lord Lawson and Lord Turnbull regarding climate change and the skepticism that the two Lords expressed.  Lords Lawson and Turnbull responded last week as such:

Dear Secretary of State
25 November 2011
We are pleased that you have decided that a public response to growing criticism of your climate policies is now required. We regret, however, that you do not address our main arguments and key concerns. Neither are we impressed by evidently ill-advised assertions.
For a start, you make the mistake of connecting the reality of 20th century global warming, which no one doubts, with the various causes for it. You claim that the evidence for man's influence is getting stronger every year, yet you fail to provide any empirical evidence for this statement.
In reality, over the past few years there has been a growing realisation among scientists that other influences (such as solar, stratospheric water vapour, oceanic cycles, to name but the most dominant) are likely to be more significant than previously thought. These factors have seriously impinged on estimates of the magnitude of mankind's influence.
Your faith in the conclusion of Australia's Garnaut Review - that there has been no change in the rate of global warming in recent years – is wholly at odds with the latest scientific work and even the Government's own Met Office: Most research papers published in the last 12 months confirm that there has been no warming trend in the last 10 years.
It is true that the fundamental greenhouse effect yields only a 1.2°C increase for a doubling of CO2 (so-called climate sensitivity) and that larger increases depend upon various feedback mechanisms. There is no convincing evidence, however, to support your assertion that the increase of the level of water vapour in the atmosphere (as a result of doubling of CO2) would (other things being equal) raise global average temperature by around 3°C.
In reality, the magnitude of water vapor feedbacks, positive as well as negative (such as increased cloud cover and precipitation) remains a poorly understood subject. Do you seriously believe that only 'one or two people' (sic) have published research that shows moderate rather than catastrophic warming in the next 100 years?
You do not seem to appreciate the incomplete state of scientific knowledge regarding these extremely complex feedbacks. In reality, most scientists will tell you that we do not know all of them; and that most of those we do know, we understand only rudimentary.
What is more, estimates for climate sensitivity in the peer reviewed literature have been going down. You and your advisers will no doubt take a look at the latest research findings on this very subject by Schmittner et al. published this week in the journal Science. This is yet another study that corroborates a low estimate of climate sensitivity and concludes that "these results imply a lower probability of imminent extreme climate change than previously thought."
Your faith in the integrity of the IPCC process is no less ill-advised. There have been three reports on the IPCC - by the InterAcademy Council in 2010; the recent book by Donna Laframboise; and the report by Professor Ross McKitrick published recently by the GWPF (a copy of which is attached). You and your advisers need to study all three as they all identify a common set shortcomings in the IPCC's scientific approach and its working methods.
The IPCC seeks to present itself as embodying the independent, impartial advice of the world's best scientists in the field. All three reports reveal serious flaws in this claim - its lack of transparency in how the so-called experts are chosen, its resistance to views challenging its orthodoxy, its lack of proper governance to deal with conflicts of interest, its excessive use of non-peer reviewed (grey literature), and its infiltration by activists from environmental pressure groups.
We are surprised that you have been so slow to recognise that the IPCC, which has influenced a great deal of UK policy, no longer carries the credibility necessary to persuade society of the massive changes it is advocating. It should be drastically reformed or wound up and replaced.
We note that you appear to be denying the charge on unilateralism in UK policy. This is curious as you and your predecessors were keen to boast that the Climate Change Act made Britain a world leader in decarbonisation. And you personally have been urging the EU to adopt even more ambitious targets, fortunately unsuccessfully.
Admittedly, you limit your claim that Britain has not adopted unilateral policies to "until 2020," but even this ceiling is at odds with the introduction of the carbon floor price which you wish to introduce in the next couple of years. This scheme most certainly is a unilateral folly which is already having a devastating effect on manufacturing and energy-intensive industries - which, of course, are also concerned about what is planned for after 2020.
In reality, the UK stands alone as the only country in the world to impose long-term legally binding CO2 emissions targets. No other country in the world is willing to inflict such unilateral burden on its business sector and economy.
Even within the EU Commission major concerns about its unilateral targets have begun to surface. The EU is now seriously considering to discontinue its unilateral decarbonisation in the absence of a global agreement.
Whether you like it or not, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has pledged that the government will no longer be bound by unilateral decarbonisation targets that cut CO2 emissions in Britain faster and deeper than other countries in Europe. We trust that his promise to abandon the path of green unilateralism will be followed, sooner rather than later, by a less extreme and more pragmatic policy.
Lord Lawson
Lord Turnbull
Booyah. 

Mailbag - Little Fish, little fish, swimming in the water edition

Dr. J. is finally getting around to answering his mail.


The first one is from Operative SM, who sends this missive in to us:
Dear Dr. J,


Good God; inevitable and awful. 



US man sues over girlfriend’s theft of sperm


Sincerely, 
SM


P.S. - [per a previous conversation] Speaking of hearts, the whole video is great, but starting at seven minutes they show the development of the fetal heart with the micro scans.

Dear SM,

I agree with you regarding the tragedy of issues such as this. When Dr. J. was a student at Ivy University, there were advertisments in the school paper seeking to pay highly for sperm and egg donors from elite colleges. My friends and I, got into a discussion during a Sunday brunch about the legal ramifications of being a donor. One obvious concern was if you were somehow identified as the parent, and were financially successful you could be sued for child support. If the reports were true in your article, this one hits closer to home for the client because the client and his girlfriend were in a consensual sexual relationship (albeit one where the presumption was that pregnancy was not the goal of the exercise). Our discussion related to the strength of the firewall between an anonymous donor and the recipient of his donation. A secondary element that came into our discussion was what happened 18 years hence. Could the product of such a union (if one were to call anonymous in vitro fertilization or intrauterine insemination a union) a legacy for the Ivy League institution of the sperm donor, as an applicant can list their living relatives who are alums on the application.

Regarding the Yale Scientist visualizing conception to birth. Dr. J. caught it on teh interwebs. Heart formation is pretty cool stuff when it goes well. When it doesn't it can be pretty interesting how things can be done to reroute the plumbing, or even when it corrects itself.

Thanks for writing.

Dr. J.

Operative BG also writes on regarding the Big Tuna:
Dear Dr. J., 
This is yet another example of the hidden hand of the EFTA - the Easier For Them Association. Said organization was unmasked almost a decade ago by National Review's John Derbyshire: The aim of this secret brotherhood is to infiltrate all organizations whose chartered purpose is to serve the public in some way. Once they have taken up key positions in such an organization, the EFTA moles then set about subverting all its processes and procedures — enlisting the aid of corrupt or unsuspecting legislators when necessary — so that the work of the organization, instead of being oriented towards true public service, is redirected towards the ease and comfort of the organization's employees... It's hard for EFTA to make much headway against the logic of the market. In the public sector, on the other hand, EFTA really comes into its own. You just have to pick up a newspaper to see them at work. An excellent piece of dogged work by NOAA's vigilant sleuths - taking a fisherman's phone call, and driving down to the dock to confiscate his fish. An excellent investment of taxpayer dollars. Any bets on whether the proceeds from the consignment sale of the fish will cover the expenses associated with the operation? I'm reminded that the Endangered Species Act encourages landowners to deliberately kill endangered animals found on their property, and destroy the body, on the rationale that once an endangered species is found on your property, government regulations will immediately make your land worthless. What has our fisherman learned? That he's better off without a license to catch tuna, and if perchance he again accidentally catches one, it's best to STFU and quietly sell it on the black market. 
Best, BG
Dear BG,

I couldn't have said it better myself. The Czar could have, but he's crafty that way. Your point that excessive regulation not only increases cost, it also creates black markets that necessarily meet demands at lower costs, short-circuiting the the market. Another example of such a market is the child-care market. Dr. J. knows plenty of people who hire a college student to work 10 or 15 hours a week picking kids up from school and shuttling them to various and sundry practices or home to get started on homework. Dr. J. seriously doubts that either side reports this transfer of cash for services rendered as the work to do so far exceeds the amount of time saved by hiring said babysitter.  Thanks for writing in as well.

Dr. J.

Monday, November 28, 2011

If the Grinch only had a Star Destroyer...

Dr. J. wanted to share this lil Christmas Special with our Gentle Readers...



Well worth the 3 minutes of your otherwise productive day...

h/t The Daily What

Failure to Serve the Public Trust

Just a follow-on to Dr. J’s predictions that the Massachusetts elections are about to get interesting with the announced retirement of Rep. Barney Frank at the end of his term.

The Czar would like to breathe a sigh of relief. Rep. Frank has not been particularly good for the country, and welcomes his retirement with all due (safe) haste. Frank is abrasive, rude, inconsiderate, and definitely in politics to ensnare, rather than to serve.

We are all aware of the Dodd-Frank Act, which over-regulated the banking industry and penalized the only ones who were successful during the financial meltdown—and all of whom rightly and promptly passed the costs of those penalties onto us. The net result? Not much change, but billions wasted, and successful community banks that played no role in the meltdown now have less capital and less flexibility to make their own business decisions.

Going back a bit in time, we see that Frank was very much involved in promoting TARP, which helped take more money from you and give them to the unsuccessful banks. Indeed Frank himself made a fair bit of money himself as a result of this.

But let us not overlook that financial meltdown in the first place. It started in the housing market—specifically, the lenders were handing out ridiculously financed mortgages that could never be repaid. The mortgagees defaulted, and the market blew up. Of course, a serious amount of the those mortgages were financed, ultimately, by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac—your taxpayer-financed lenders of last resort.

Why? Because the organizations could make incredibly risky loans for people, thanks to a Carter-era law that required a certain amount of taxpayer money be used to create mortgages for low-income people, and required banks to provide a certain amount of their money as well to finance risky loans. This law was substantially enforced during the Clinton administration, and many large private lenders simply passed their own riskier loans on to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. This compounded the problem, as the government suddenly began to own millions of mortgages headed for default.

Why? Because there were no regulations in place to prevent this government-sponsored and government-created abuse, even though Republicans (and many Democrats) realized the entire structure needed immediate reform to prevent such a calamity.

So why didn’t the reforms take place? Because they were active opposed and blocked by the head of the House Financial Services Committee. And as you know, that was Barney Frank.

Why would Frank block such a move? Because Frank was intent on seeing the two financial lending organizations make larger profits by taking on a greater share of the market place. Frank stated repeatedly he wanted to see more government housing, all over the country, and that was his main motivation—even though he failed consistently in this and fewer people can afford subsidized housing today since he got involved.

However, in order to achieve this implausible goal, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae needed as few restrictions as possible. He wanted the lenders to forward their risky loans onto the taxpayers, because ergo, that was government housing. Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae took some of their profits and donated heavily to Frank in his campaigns. The banks, as you saw above with TARP, were also very grateful to Representative Frank for his involvement.

So let us review. Frank gets involved with government housing as a result of his prominence on the House Financial Services Committee. He helps to promote a culture of wild speculation at Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, who poured serious money into his campaigns while their executives took large bonuses (including one executive who had a prior personal relationship with Frank). He blocked any attempts to prevent this conflict of interest, even though it was clear the risky mortgages were starting to collapse. When they did collapse, he helped author a massive bailout for the affected lenders, for which he also received serious money for his re-election attempts. Frank subsequently co-authored legislation that would penalize those lenders who did not give him money. Then he retired.

What made Frank so good with government-run housing that he would make strange arrangements like this? Well, it all goes back to his extensive financial and lending experience that he developed as a political science major and legal degree from Harvard. No, wait, it all goes back to his being an aide to the mayor of Boston, who asked him to find jobs for subsidized housing residents to do. No, wait...well actually, he doesn’t seem to have any legitimate experience with either. And yet, he made a pile of money off a financial structure that he helped destroy.

No doubt Barney Frank would accuse the Czar of cherry-picking these incidents and taking them all out of context. Except, to the chagrin of Mr. Frank’s footnote in history, there isn’t enough of anything else to talk about.

Enjoy your retirement. You earned it.

Signs and Portents...

Dr. J. would like to start off thanking The Czar for watering the plants and letting the fell beasts out for their daily constitutionals at the Castle over the 5 day weekend so that Dr. J. and the other Gormogons could enjoy our Thanksgiving Day feasts...as you may have picked up from the twitter feeds, Dr. J. returned to his ancestral home for the weekend for much revelry with Mama J. and Clan J. Even Mrs. Dr. J.'s parents made the trek from New York to Philly to partake in the festivities on Saturday.

This report caught Dr. J.'s eye on teh Facebook this morning. It looks like Barney Frank (D-Mass) will be retiring from congress this year. Given how safe his district is, this may simply be that Mr. Frank has decided to hang it up at the ripe old age of 71. But, Dr. J. suspects that his recent controversial policies regarding banking (Frank-Dodd), Obama's unpopularity,  Scott Brown running for reelection against a Communist lunatic, and a likely Romney (former Guv-RINO-Mass) nomination may have snowballed into some sort of cutting of losses for Mr. Frank and the DCCC.

Post Script: Redistricting yielding the addition of some 'bitter clingers' to his district may have contributed as well...

h/t boston.com

A Question of Degree

Newt Gingrich says he is a lot more conservative than Mitt Romney.

Yes, much in the same way that the Czar is more tolerant of hippies than ‘Puter.

That is all.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Volt Probably Not Dangerous

The Czar is no fan of the weirdly quiet but obnoxiously expensive Chevrolet Volt, but he urges caution and skepticism when hearings stories about batteries catching fire in simulated crashes.

If you have not noticed, gasoline-powered automobiles catch fire as well. The Czar is worried that people will use this for political gain against the Obama administrations when really there is no meat to this story.

Cars in simulated crashed do crazy things. The real test is if they explode violently after minor crashes; so far, the Volt seems very safe. So be a bit wary of anyone trying to make hay out of this: they probably are going to look like tools in a few weeks.

You don’t wantto look like a tool, do ya?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Econ 001

If the Occupy crowd and the Demo-Libs who deny the disaster of their government model have taught us anything, it’s that schools need to start returning back to teaching economics.

If they ever did—home economics always seemed more about cooking in the kitchen. When the Czar attended high school, back at Санкт Скорважган the Stigmata Maker in the early 1380s, we did no cooking or sewing: it was basically teaching the miscreants to write checks without intentionally kiting them. Very little time was spent on economic theory.

Things must be less helpful today. You have Occupiers totally clueless on every single one of the few major points on which they coincidentally agree: banks do not set the prices for good, you do; public trading is not the privilege of an elite few, but is open to millions of ordinary Americans who do, in fact, buy and sell stock; heck, they aren’t even close to 99% of the population, but more like an extraordinarily narrow band in the upper 70%.

And so on. All of this could be taught in a single day of an econ class, starting with “What is a stock,” and ending with basic market valuation. Okay, pehaps another day could be spent on the role of the Federal Reserve, which is a class many adults who do get economics might want to attend as well out of curiosity.

Likewise, the Liberals who call for more public spending and taxing the rich could easily benefit from a single-day class that begins with “What is debt?” and concludes with basic double entry bookkeeping—which is incidentally one of the Czar’s favorite English words because it has three double-letters in a row. Perhaps there would be time at the end of class to mention that, but he understands if not.

One interesting aspect that many of our readers may not realize is that, technically speaking, Keynesian theory has not been proven a failure by recent events—because under strict rules, it has not even been tried. That is the dirty little secret on both the Right and the Left: Keynes never argued for massive government spending—Keynes merely argued that government spending was an important multiplier for lowering wages and prices. Our Federal government simply assumed that meant an increase in overall government spending...because that is what they wanted to do anyway and made up this justification for it.

Keynes’ simple model really intended to measure the effect of lowering prices for goods, services, and salaries that involved investment, saving, taxes, inventory supply, and more. He did not necessarily advocate any particular course of action, but this simple model was seized upon and perverted beyond recognition by government. What we call the Keynes economic theory should, by rights, be called the Big Government Spending model, and have Keynes’ name taken off it.

Not that the Czar is defending Keynes: his model was simplistic, and he got what was coming to him.

The point is that America needs to understand how its powerful engine works, way beyond painting slogans on signs and eschewing capitalism. If the Occupiers want a little more accuracy, they could say “We are the 99% of Americans who really don’t understand where our money goes and comes from.”

Friday, November 25, 2011

"Pay Attention To Me!" Pleads Microsoft

“We’ve had Siri-like tech for more than a year,” whines Microsoft, even though they insist that whining-like wheedle isn’t whining at all. First, and this will be quick, the Czar is immediately annoyed with anybody who says “tech” instead of “technology.”

Back to the original point. Microsoft is probably telling the truth that they had something like Siri. But once again, Apple found a way to make it connect with people. A combination of marketing, availability, ease-of-use, and elegance is generally going to win the hearts and minds of people more than a clunky, less-than-popular phone interface with bloated code and a propensity for bizarre behavior requiring a restart. As you can tell, the Czar once had a Windows phone. His pleasure with that product is why he switched to the far-less-problematic (but still quite often inexplicable) Droid interface.

So what is Microsoft’s point? The Czar has no idea. Is it to point out that Microsoft had a good idea but did nothing to market it? If so, congratulations, dopes. Is it that Apple took Microsoft’s product idea and released it in a more numerically widepsread form? Perhaps the last item is true; if so, it would be delicious irony.

Bluesun

The Czar admits he was surprised. Usually when you write something scathing about Ron Paul, you get mail. This gem was not what he expected.
Dear Mr. Dread and Powerful The Czar,

In regards to Ron Paul, Attack Cartoons a long time ago said it best:
You're all familiar with the broken clock that is right twice a day. ron paul is like a strange broken clock that is right 23 hours a day. then you get to some foreign policy midnight, and in stead of chiming, it barks and smears itself with poo.
Best regards,

bluesun

Thursday, November 24, 2011

'Puter's Thanksgiving Table

Guess who's coming to dinner?

There's always room for Hello Kitty. She is the Thanksgiving equivalent of Elijah at Passover, so don't forget to leave her a cup of whatever intoxicating beverage you're serving.

A blessed, safe and happy Thanksgiving to all.

**This is an actual photo of 'Puter's dining room, and today's place settings. Mrs. 'Puter's a class act.

Happy Thanksgiving to All


A very happy and most wonderful Thanksgiving from all of us at the Castle (well, maybe not the Tcho-Tchos). As many of you know, Thanksgiving is the Czar’s favorite holiday; even better than the Feast of Zdravgul, which we celebrated from 1355-1471, and which got so bad there is no longer a country called Sorbia.

Thanksgiving, you see, can be celebrated by anyone, not just Americans. Religion, politics, employment, orientation, and dietary restrictions do not matter. All you need to do is be thankful for all you have, and just as much for you have not yet lost.

Anyway, what are we grateful for?

Your Dread and Awful Czar of Muscovy is thankful for pancit, .40 caliber weapons, Marvel superhero movies (including that badass Magneto theme), Vouvray, shetland sheepdogs, and whatever version of Windows is forthcoming that will fix the crap he experiences all the time with every other version.

The Inscrutable Mandarin is thankful for grapes, palanquins, Kit-Kat bars, Calabi Yau manifolds, automatic 12 gauge scatterguns, and the coyote he has been taming in his backyard. That will be a cool thing to walk into a supermarket with when it finally stops biting children.

Doctor J is most thankful for stents, Memphis-style ribs, force lightning in any caliber, iPhones, iPads, and the Star Wars sextet released on UltraRay, where Lucas put the movies back to the way they originally were and redubbed Jar-Jar. Sorry you kids have to wait until 2035 for those. Get your own time traveling robot, then.

Our time traveling robot, then, GorTechie is thankful for 0.5, which is refreshingly neither 0 or 1, science fairs where the kids do their own work, KL5 plastic, his eye beam, hickory-whiskey beans with real smoked apple bacon, and when the kids remember to turn the lights off in the basement. He also likes any operating system, since he knows how to unlock the no-crash easter egg embedded in every one since DOS 3.3.

Large, scary Ghettoputer is thankful for punt guns, the doctors who renewed his ability to walk and fixed a little bit of his thinky parts, home-cooked meals, hunting, Manhattans properly made, and yes, even Kriz. Sleestak, however, can go screw himself.

Confucius, the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi, is thankful for inexpensive but quality port wine, migraine medicine, Liaochelada (that new two parts Liao drug with lime, tomato juice, and clam juice), alphabets, and that gun that shoots a million rounds per minute.

Whatever you are thankful for, whomever you wish to remember, or whatever you wish to keep in mind this holiday season, is best kept to yourself, so please don’t write in to any of us, because quite frankly we will be too appreciative of your attempts to make us laugh to reprint them.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Explaining Ron Paul

So why does Ron Paul continually insist that Iran is a threat to nobody, that their nuclear intentions are peaceful, and that the Taliban have never once attacked America outside of Afghanistan?

Because any possibility that Iran is a threat, and that the Taliban have participated in attacks on Americans completely wrecks his isolationist narrative. He would wind up sounding as moronic as the isolationists that begged Roosevelt to stay out of World War II even after Japan attacked Pearl Harbor.

So why not simply acknowledge the truth and change his policy? Because that would require him to stop delivering a 30-year-old speech that he has memorized by now. He is a stubborn, foolish man who is so stuck on himself that he cannot admit horrible truths simply because it would involve him changing his reflexive responses to real questions.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Tonight's Debate: Much Improved

Tonight’s debate was one of the better ones, actually—obviously, the candidates all took the issue of national security seriously, because this was tonight’s theme, and all the question stemmed around it.

We began with a nutty CNN intro that looked like Call of Duty: a pulsing, sinister theme music, and a montage of rockets, tanks, grim-looking presidents addressing the nation, and stuff blowing up. This followed with an introduction of each candidate, in Terminator-vision, with computer-fonted stats clicking, spinning, and whirring, just like a video game. The Czar was hoping to press right trigger + A + B + X to unlock Paul Ryan, but no luck there.

Wolf Blitzer, looking like the son of the original funeral home proprietor who was now in charge and interested in sexing up the business, glided out on stage and irritatingly explained to the candidates what debates were, why a President is an important person, and even provided examples of how they should introduce themselves. The irritated, anywhere-but-here-please look on Ron Paul was priceless.

Then followed the national anthem, with Mitt Romney proudly singing, Michele Bachmann beaming, and Ron Paul covering his diaphragm with his hand feebly, and sighing visibly—doubtless planning to whack this “Star Spangled Banner” (or whatever the kids call it) in a cost-saving measure.

The problem with the debate, frankly, was the game-show atmosphere, and whacky comedy that Wolf Blitzer tried to inject. Thankfully, no one was interested, and he quickly dropped the sarcastic, overly familiar tone and stuck with the questions.

Those questions ranged from Iran, cutting military spending, immigration, Pakistan, the Patriot Act, and so on, with some lengthier sparring between candidates. Impressions:

Rick Santorum: Far too quiet. At points, it seemed as if he left the stage to watch the Predators/Oilers game. He did have a couple of moments where his mic was on, and he wasted them mostly by quoting Ronald Reagan’s city on a hill speech at least twice.

Ron Paul: Disastrous recitation of his hate-everything-military speech, denied Iran’s threat, and offered to legalize marijuana for medical reasons. He said nothing new tonight, which is understandable because he hasn’t updated his talk track since 1981. Gingrich did punish him a bit on the differences between Timothy McVeigh and Islamism, and military interdiction and law enforcement, which Paul no doubt appreciated later in the green room by kicking over an end table.

Rick Perry surprisingly did not screw anything up. In fact, he made some strong points—the others refuted his points, but he did a good job of standing his ground and fighting back. He drastically toned down his usual oddly armed attacks on Mitt Romney, and even agreed with Romney on a few issues. The Czar is pretty sure this was his best debate to date.

Mitt Romney: Yeah...dunno. He seemed confident, had a bunch of great answers, and really pounded on some conservative talking points to reassure everybody he could be tough. And he probably is; but he still seemed a little off-balance and defensive at points tonight. He was good, to be certain, but he seems to be a little scared of Gingrich when they disagree on something. It doesn’t matter of course: Mitt could openly micturate on stage and the pro-GOP pundits will announce that he’s clinched the nomination based on his performance tonight.

Herman Cain: He was very unclear tonight. He spoke well, and even forcefully at times, but seemed to have trouble getting to concise bullet points (which is his usual strength). In many cases, he seemed to hold back, watch to see what others were saying, and then agree. He gave us the impression that he was well-coached tonight, but still lacked confidence in his knowledge and might even have been overly cautious. Strangely, not a single question about his Libya answer last week.

Newt Gingrich: His usual strong self, agreeing for the most part, and disagreeing with others (particularly on immigration). He knows what the myths and rumors are about his positions, and he clearly had answers ready to go about his past comments and voting. The only difference tonight is he did not seem hostile to Wolf Blitzer, but was uncharacteristically smooth.

Michele Bachmann: Invisible. She started off very strong, gaining thunderous applause in her very introduction when she breezed past her own credentials (seriously, CNN, do you think there are people who don’t know all the candidates at this point?) in order to profusely thank the troops for their sacrifice, and how sad she was they couldn’t be home with their families on Thanksgiving. Very slick move, and she came off as highly sincere. There seemed to be an awkward tension from the rest of the candidates as they realized they, too, should have said something about the troops. However, after that, she answered one or two questions and even got cut off by Wolf Blitzer when responding to a question. He assured her he would come back to her on that point, but never did. Seriously, it’s as if the media has totally written her off.

Jon Huntsman wants America to have an honest conversation. He said that about three times, as if trying to convince us he has any idea what that phrase might mean. Also, whatever the other candidates’s answers were, he wants to us to “step back,” for a minute, and look at the real problem...which evidently is whatever he wanted to talk about more. Question on what part of the world the next threat to American national security will come? ”Let’s step back, and look at the real threat to America: joblessness on every street corner...” followed by his hastily assembled anti-Barack Obama platitudes. The problem with Huntsman is that he sometimes raises some good points or throws out an interesting challenge, but then completely erases his value by trying to force a snappy comeback. Even if the topic has moved on twenty minutes ago.

The Czar thinks there should be a fair amount to comment on, unless the pundits want to discuss Romney to the exclusion of all else. Perry and Bachmann really laid out two different approaches regarding foreign aid, and both had good points. Perry raised the issue of enforcing a no-fly zone over Syria; the others objected, but did not have a good reason to refute his idea. Paul was babbling about Israel and Iran, and a couple of the candidates dismissed him as a naive idealist. Overall, this was one of the more interesting ones in terms of ebb and flow.

Today's Installment of 'Puter Told You So

As regular readers know, 'Puter is a high-functioning simpleton, but one with Cassandra-like powers of prognostication. Also, like Cassandra, 'Puter is cruelly fated to never be believed.

Let's review a few of 'Puter's most recent economic prognostications:

1. The failure of the Super Committee would inevitably lead to a downgrade.

'Puter: "GP Calling it now. When SuperCommittee fails this week, rating agencies will downgrade US debt again b/c no real plan to repay. They must." Twitter, 19 Nov 2011.

Reality: "Credit rating agencies reiterated Monday that the U.S. is at risk of a downgrade following the announcement that the supercommittee has failed." The Hill, citing S&P sources, 22 Nov 2011.

2. Housing markets need to clear through foreclosure.

'Puter: "Mitt Romney was exactly right when he said that the economy will improve when the markets are permitted to clear. ... In the personal context, this means requiring banks to properly value their holdings, and speeding the process of liquidating bad debt. That is, suing defaulted consumers into bankruptcy where the debts are assigned value by court order and/or liquidating real and personal property collateral where available." Gormogons, Americans Hate Math, 20 Nov 2011.

Reality: Housing sales numbers rose in October 2011. Yet housing prices continued to drop in October 2011.

This is consistent with liquidation of inventory and realization of losses on bad debt. Banks foreclose, increasing the number of houses on the market, and thereby decreasing prices on inventory. Banks want to sell real estate owned as soon as possible to avoid carrying and operating costs, so prices are set low, further decreasing prices. This depressed market keeps potential selling homeowners on the sidelines until the market finds bottom. It's completely consistent with 'Puter's prognostication. We're still shaking out bad debt.

3. Bank of America and Wells Fargo are zombie banks, and regulators are hiding their undercapitalization.

'Puter: "There's a lot of pretending going on at banks these days. Wells Fargo and Bank of America have significant portfolio risk. But the banks are pretending that their collateral is worth more than it is, or that the loans are performing better than they are, or that the market value of the loans is greater than it is, to avoid raising equity. A sudden push to raise significant equity by either of these banks would be a red flag to the market, and likely spell the banks' end. Instead, regulators and banks pretend that the banks' assets are worth more through accounting niceties, such as suspending mark to market accounting." Gormogons, Americans Hate Math, 20 Nov 2011.

Reality: "U.S. regulators have informed Bank of America's board that the company could face public enforcement action if they are not satisfied with recent steps taken to strengthen the bank, the Wall Street Journal said, citing people familiar with the situation.

BofA has been operating under a memorandum of understanding since May 2009. The memorandum, which is not public, identified governance, risk and liquidity management as problems that had to be fixed, the paper said, citing people familiar with the document." Reuters, BofA Warned By Regulators To Get Stronger: Report, Reuters, 22 Nov 2011 (bold emphasis added).

It's a burden being right all the time. Now, please, for the love of Pete, listen to 'Puter before it's too late!

Who Did What, Now?

Just a minor correction.

There is a lot of happy scuttlebutt on the web regarding NASA’s funding that was approved. A lot of the space-related websites are happy that the House and Senate got together and approved a budget. Bad Astronomy (which also contains a lot of bad political anaylsis), for example, states this, but so do many, many others.

Except for one thing: the House and Senate did not approve a budget. What they approved was a funding bill and nothing more.

In fact, it has been 937 days since a budget has been passed—in violation of the law. Just so you know, it is the Senate that passes the budget.

Gone Fishing...

Here is another outrageous example of government regulation stifling economic growth (h/t Drudge, of course).

The short version is that a commercial fisherman from New Bedford, in the People's Republic of Massachusetts caught an 881 pound bluefin tuna in his nets as he was lowering them to trawl for groundfish. By reports, he was quite surprised with his catch, and called fishing regulators to let them know about his catch, and came in early because this sort of catch sells best when it is extremely fresh. 

Indeed, Dr. J. can attest to this because his boss enjoyed the best toro (fatty tuna) he ever ate in the best sushi place on the Ginza (in Tokyo, Japan), and it was pulled from the same Massachusetts waters that Mr. Rafael fishes in less than 2 days prior to serving, but he digresses.

So, when he docked, the men in black from NOAA came to confiscate his fish, because apparently you can't accidentally catch a tuna the wrong way (in a net) despite having appropriate licenses to catch the fish, and being transparent with the authorities about the accident of fortune.

So, as a consequence, he plans on giving up his tuna licenses. For those of you who forget microeconomics, less tuna licenses, will result in lest tuna caught. The price of tuna will, necessarily, go up, and folks will have to settle for steak and arugula.

Dr. J. is appalled at the number of incidents in the news where the executive branch has enforced what on appear to be trivial infractions of regulations (even self-reported ones). It is clear that the Obama Administration is a drag on the economy and that he should be a One Term President™.
Massachusetts, we hope you are listening...

IPCC No-Op

Subtitled: It is very likely that this report likely means very little for many with medium confidence.

The UN's IPCC began releasing an update recommending that countries prepare for "weird weather".  Seriously.  They are "virtually certain" (which, apparently means a 99-100% probability) that warmer temperatures will increase in frequency and magnitude and cold extremes will decrease.  If you actually want to waste some time, you can go read the summary report.  I recommend looking at the number of "medium confidence", "likely" and "limited evidence" statements are in the report.  In essence, there is one paragraph in the 29 page report that attempts to link anthropogenic influences to climate change but it is littered with "medium confidence" and "likely" characterizations.  There have been pokes at this by the major news outlets, but it clearly isn't getting legs as the report seems to be light on substantial data.

This should be worrisome.  At least to those that strongly believe in anthropogenic induced climate change.  When a purportedly scientific panel - at least one that, in the past, has been cited as the experts in climate change - starts qualifying their hypotheses with such adjectives, it has lost its focus on the scientific method.  This is largely the crux of skeptics' arguments.  Copernicus didn't theorize that with medium confidence it is likely that the Sun is the center of our solar system.  Nor do Isaac Newton's three laws of motion contain any likelys or confidence measures.  I do not expect the IPCC to have similar absolutes but people should realize that their work and the conclusions they draw are probablistic based and heavily qualified.  So you'll end up hearing statements like, "It is exceedingly unlikely that climate change will not affect some weather extremes".

The IPCC Chairman says, "Despite all uncertainties, it is crucial for policy-makers to remain aware of the scientific reality of climate change,” says Pachauri. “If science is not given the primacy it deserves it is unlikely that any of the actions will be taken that this report is begging of.”

Where is the science that he refers to that is the basis for the actions in the report (the full report is delayed)?

By the way, a "no-op" in computer programming is an instruction with which the computer effectively does nothing.  It is a "no operation" instruction.

Some Language Is Universal



Note what Tatiana Limanova does when mentioning Барак Обама (Barack Obama). Watch it again—right there at the start of the video.

Pretty sure we are reading that right.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Is The Bloom That Far Off The Rose

GorT used to believe that Chris Matthews couldn't quit Obama.  He was head over heels, cuckoo-for-cocopuffs, for the President.  He was dismissive of much of the criticism, lobbed softballs when interviewing members of the Obama administration, etc.  But on Saturday, Chris Matthews drops this:
Well, he has great analytical ability. Clearly has made the right judgments in his executive leadership. He has moved us very effectively in self-defense in fighting terrorism. I'm not sure he's able to move the country. He had that ability as a candidate, and then the day he was inaugurated, with the Mall filled with people, African-Americans and everyone else, he sent us all home. It was the worst mistake of his presidency. The day he got inaugurated, he sent us all home and said, “Thank you, now watch how smart I am.” That's the worst kind of a notion of the presidency.
The presidency's not about being smart. Most of our great presidents have not been that brilliant. Kennedy wasn’t brilliant. Roosevelt certainly wasn’t brilliant. Truman wasn’t. But what they did was they lead the American people. They lead us. This is so simple. If I could say one thing to Barack Obama, “Stop showing us how smart you are and lead us. Ask us to do something. Pull us behind you. Enlist us in the service of our country. Ask us to do something." There is no Peace Corps. There is no Special Forces. There is no 50 mile hikes. There’s no moon program. There’s nothing to root for.
What are we trying to do in this administration? Why does he want a second term? Would he tell us? What's he going to do in the second term? More of this? Is this it? Is this as good as it gets? Where are we going? Are we going to do something the second term? He has yet to tell us. He has not said one thing about what he would do in the second term. He never tells us what he is going to do with reforming our healthcare systems, Medicare, Medicaid, how is going to reform Social Security. Is he going to deal with long-term debt? How? Is he going to reform the tax system? How? Just tell us. Why are we in this fight with him? Just tell us, Commander, give us our orders and tell us where we’re going, give us the mission. And he hasn't done it.
And I think it's the people around him, too many people around, they’re little kids with propellers on their heads. They're all virtual. Politics, this social networking, I get these e-mails, you probably get them. I'm tired of getting them. Stop giving them to me. I want to meet people. Their idea of running a campaign is a virtual universe of sending e-mails around to people. No it's not. It's meetings with people, it’s forging alliances. It's White House meetings and dinner parties that go on till midnight, and he should be sitting late at night now with senators and members of Congress and governors working together on how they're going to win this political fight that's coming.
I don't have a sense that he's ever had a meeting. I hear stories that you will not believe. Not a single phone call since the last election...They don't call. He never calls. That's the, that’s the message. Members of Congress, I keep asking, “When did you hear from him last?”...He doesn't like their company. [...]
But once having won the office he seemed to think that that was the end of it in terms of his connection to the American people. Don't you feel, I think everybody feels an absence of communication from the time he's been elected. And it's not about not being left-wing enough or too left. That's not his problem. It's connection. And Mrs. Obama, she's an amazing asset. And what has she done? Obesity? How about connecting with the American people about being Americans? I don't think she's, I don't think she's happy. I don't think they like being in the White House. The American people can tell that. They don't seem thrilled at the fact the American people have selected them as our first family. I don't sense the gratitude, the happiness level, the thrill of being president.
Ok, while I'll disagree with some of Matthews' assessments - I think it should cause the administration to worry.  Even Chris freakin' Matthews is questioning them and for the first time in a long, long while, he's starting to hit on some threads that ring true.

Catholics Hate Women!

Well, then how come we manage to reproduce so effectively?

Seriously, though, 'Puter was turned onto this article in the Washington Post, regarding a Northern Virginia parish's retreat on the question of female altar servers. The friend who pointed out the article is a liberal nominal-Catholic, who proceeded to rip the Church for being backwards and hating women.

To explain to our non-Roman Catholic readers, altar servers assist the priest in the offering of the Mass. For example, they lead the entrance procession, usually carrying candles and crucifix. Altar servers also assist the priest during the Liturgy of the Eucharist, when the priest prays the Eucharistic prayers, which all Roman Catholics must believe transubstantiates the bread and wine offered into the literal body and blood of Christ. Traditionally, all altar servers were male, as are all our priests. In recent years (25 or so, which is recent in Church terms), American dioceses and parishes decided to permit female altar servers, primarily as a sop to the Church's left, in the name of "inclusion."

But the issue is not as simple as either my liberal friend or conservative Catholics make it out to be. This article from a more liberal perspective (though not slanted), and this one from a traditionalist perspective, explain the situation well. The Church's official position is that Canon Law 230.2 does not exclude females from being altar servers, but that it is traditionally a role filled by men so as to encourage young men to consider the priesthood. The Vatican permitted bishops to make the decision as to whether females may be altar servers, and many bishops left it up to individual parishes. So, in America, most parishes currently permit female altar servers.

Here's the nuts-and-bolts description of how female altar servers came to be:


In 1994 a document from the Pontifical Council for the Interpretation of Legislative Texts gave some room for the novel practice of “female altar servers” under political pressure from the U.S., but nevertheless insisted that “the obligation to support groups of altar boys will always remain…” due, of course, to the relationship between service at the altar and future vocations.
But the legitimacy of female altar servers is not a settled question. Paul VI (who implemented Vatican II, the Council much abused and loved by leftie Catholics) and John Paul II (a most beloved Pope by both left and right) were both against female altar servers:


Second, this practice of placing girls at the altar has absolutely nothing to do with Vatican II and was condemned in the strongest of terms twice following the council. In 1970 Pope Paul VI said in Liturgicae Instaurationes, “In conformity with norms traditional in the Church, women (single, married, religious), whether in churches, homes, convents, schools, or institutions for women, are barred from serving the priest at the altar.”

And in 1980 Pope John Paul II stated in Inaestimabile Donum, “There are, of course, various roles that women can perform in the liturgical assembly: these include reading of the Word of God and proclaiming the intentions of the Prayer of the Faithful. Women are not, however, permitted to act as altar servers.”
So while female altar servers are permitted as they are not expressly excluded under a legalistic reading of Canon Law 230.2, Catholic leaders plainly never intended that females serve at the altar.

Back to the subject of the Washington Post's article, Ms. Jennifer Zickel.


Zickel burst into tears and ran to the bathroom.

“I knew right then that our family couldn’t stay at this church anymore,” Zickel said, her voice breaking. “I’m a mama bear, and they’re going after my girls.”
And this is the point where I lost all respect for Ms. Zickel and knew that this article was nothing more than another excuse for liberal media to bash the Catholic Church. First, 'Puter doesn't know too many Catholic women who are (1) shocked at the Church's rules/position regarding women (2) so easily shaken by a known Church position that they flee to the ladies' room in tears at the enforcement of said position. Also, Ms. Zickel's female offspring, helpfully pictured in the article, are 7 and 4. Most parishes 'Puter's aware of don't let you be an altar server until you're around 10, so it should be a non-issue.

The Catholic Church is a known quantity, especially to its members. You can be absolutely irate about the role of women in the Church, but to act surprised by the Church's stance is a bit too precious. And to permit yourself to be used to attack an institution of which you claim to be a member is unacceptable.

Perhaps Ms. Zickel should reexamine her motives behind making an issue out of her parish's return to all-male altar servers. This is not about her daughters. It's about her, and about getting her own way.

'Puter hopes Ms. Zickel's pastor stands by his decision. To back off now would do nothing more than embolden Ms. Zickel and her ilk.

**'Puter also loves the reporter's lack of mockery for Ms. Zickel's use of a "mother bear" analogy. It's completely consistent with the media's tolerant, accepting reaction to Gov. Sarah Palin's "mama grizzly" quote. Bias? What bias?

#sirifail

As you know, Dr. J. & Mrs. Dr. J. are the proud owners of new iPhone 4S's. The Siri technology is a cool feature. Dr. J. had to run home before going to work this morning, on the way to work, he needed to call a store on the way to work to see if they were open, as he needed to pick up an item they had on hold for him. So he opened Siri and said, "Call Store X, on Main Drag, New Atlantis." It called the number for him through his truck's speakerphone. Slick, eh? It's really that good.

Except, when it isn't.

Mrs. Dr. J. picked up the kids on Friday from the Jedi Academy. The lil resident was in the backseat playing Smurf Village on the device when Mrs. Dr. J. said, "Hey, lil resident, call daddy (meaning Dr. J.) and ask him where he wants to meet us for dinner."

The lil resident activated Siri and said, "Call Daddy!" So, Siri called Mrs. Dr. J.'s daddy, who is listed as Daddy in her contacts.

After much confusion, including disappointing some individuals who all of a sudden were thinking we were surprising them in New York, there was a heart warming family sit-com chuckle.

The lil resident learned she has to say, "Call Dr. J.'s iPhone" to get a hold of her daddy, and "Call Daddy" when she wants to call gramps.

GorT would call this sort of thing, "Garbage In, Garbage Out," but Dr. J. sees this as an opportunity for innovation with Siri 2.0. Coders, can you hear me?

Occupy Bagram


A happy Thanksgiving and a hearty thank you to our servicemen and women!

OWS folk, Dr. J.'s got nuttin' for ya.

And Then There Was Light

Unfortunately, back in the early 1970s (maybe earlier), the hippies got into physics, and started throwing all sorts of eastern mysticism around and paved the way for nonsensical New Age sciences. One of the worst abuses was Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, which consisted of one of the two following statements:
  1. A really small subatomic particle cannot be measured very accurately for its position or where it’s headed. You can pick one of the two, but not both, simply because bouncing a photon of the particle to even see the damn thing will knock it off course if it’s moving, or start it moving if it was not moving.
  2. Any freaking thing you want to be true is true, man, and don’t let the Man tell you different, man.
The Czar, and most scientists by a huge margin, take the first position.

Think about it this way. Picture a billiard ball on a pool table, and there are no lights on. You know the billiard ball is there somewhere, so you roll a golf ball (a photon) around the table. Crack! You hear a sound—the photon hit your billiard ball. Done! Right?

Not quite—the golf ball hits hard, and now the billiard ball is moving. Well, you knew where it was, but not where it is now. Can you figure out where it’s headed? Maybe: whip out another golf ball. You hear the ball bounce around the table...thump, thump, thump, crack! You hit the billiard ball while it was moving. Nice shot, but of course, you had no idea where it was headed: you just got lucky. And of course, hitting the billiard ball with the second golf ball knocked it into a new direction.

You could play this game all day and never find out where that stupid billiard ball will be. Like the Czar, you have better things to do all day and you head upstairs. But this demonstrates the simplicity of the Heisenberg Principle. You can test all day if you like, and come up with some really good guesses, but you will never really know where something is, or where it is headed, because everytime you shine a light on it to look, the photons knock the thing away. You can figure out where something was, or where it was headed, but each time you check, you alter the conditions.

So most scientists realized that you can never say, with any absolute certainty, where something is. Interestingly, some scientists realized, in theory this would mean you could never say with absolutely certainty where something isn’t.

Think about that for a second. If the Czar says that you will never know where something is, then you can never prove something isn’t there, either. Ah, but some wags said, in an absolute vacuum—where nothing, by definition, can possibly exist—then you can be sure there is nothing there.

Except, the scientists realized, that might not be true. If Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle is correct, then you actually cannot prove that a total, 100% for sure, no-question vaccuum (where not even a speck of an atom exists), is all that certain.

Guess what? The scientists found they were right.

As bizarre or wicked or wild as this seems, scientists in Sweden used a variation of an old discovery called the Casimir effect to test this. By vibrating a mirror several billion times a second with a magnetic field, the motion of the mirror was able to jar “virtual photons” to appear in totally empty space and become real photons.

The Czar is aware that explanation makes no sense, but the upshot is this: light particles appeared from totally empty space, for just a fraction of a second. Not enough to make a difference, but enough to prove that Heisenberg was right: you cannot know a particle’s position...or in this case, non-position, for certain. If you attempt to create totally empty space, empty space might just respond by creating something from nothing.

And that is extremely astonishing.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Never Know What You Might Find

Today, Muscovy is trimming the Village Christmas trees. This event is always accompanied by a craft show. The Czar does not understand craft shows: they seem to be filled with desperate, frustrated people with equal mixes of time and talent but little tolerance for risk. They are attended by their own kind. But the Czar does not judge if you are into that sort of thing.

And how many damned fleece mittens does one buy?

Anyhow, a couple of things for sale concerned him. This was one.



The Czar, however, was much more concerned about the grandmotherly type selling this at her booth:



Did the Czar miss a change in the law?

And a little something ’Puter used to sing in the joint

Because he went down to Houston and gambled and fought.

And for GorT



Since Dr. J is kickin’ it ol’ skool…

…as befits his cameo in “You Be Illin’,” here’s another long-form masterpiece from back in said day:

Americans Hate Math

Here's our politicians' dirty little secret. Washington knows what's wrong with the economy, and they know how to fix it.

"Great! Then why won't Washington fix it, 'Puter?," you reply.

It's a good question, with a simply answer: the fix is going to be horrible. To understand 'Puter's position, let's identify the problem(s) and examine the solutions.

Problem(s): (1) Government spends more than it makes, necessitating unwise borrowing. (2) Citizens spend more than they make, necessitating unwise borrowing.

Consequences: (1) Government spends more than it makes, necessitating unwise borrowing.

There can be no disagreement that borrowing approximately 40 cents of every dollar spent on current year needs is a recipe for disaster.

If you don't believe 'Puter, just look at Europe. It's been borrowing to fund current year needs, primarily lavish social welfare systems and plush retirements, for decades. And now Europe is faced with the consequences of its profligacy, facing sovereign default. The markets know this, and are responding accordingly. Capital is fleeing the basket cases of Europe, Greece and Italy, and is beginning its runway taxi to flee Spain and Portugal. France will not be far behind. And relatively healthy, frugal Germany, because of its Pollyannish vision of a non-genocidal European ein Reich, ein Volk political/monetary system unnecessarily damns itself to the same fate as its neighbors. What you're seeing is America's future: social unrest, feckless politicians and fiscal insanity.

It's necessary to look at Europe to understand why America's not currently doing as badly. Capital fleeing the traditional safe-haven of sovereign debt is left with no alternative. America's the only game in town. It's not that investors think America's serious about its impending financial disaster, it's simply that rational investors recognize American bonds as the least unappealing turd in the punchbowl, and they have to pick one. Investors calculate that if America succumbs to the looming sovereign debt crisis, their money's going to be valueless anyway, for the weaker countries (i.e., everyone else) will have cratered first.

As such, capital has been pouring into America's coffers from Europe, and America's been able to avoid paying the true cost of their borrowing. Eventually, this will stop, and investors will insist they be paid a yield commensurate with their risk. China's already rumbling that it wants "further assurances" (fancy polite legal word for proof of life) that America's not pissing away China's foreign sovereign debt investment on Cadillacs for wealthy septuagenarians. Frankly, 'Puter wonders what took the Chinese so long.

America's low cost of capital environment enabled Congress to spend out of control for years, as other countries and large private investors (evil Wall Streeters investing the evil money of evil pensioners and evil union pension funds) continued to buy bonds, even at low yields. But those days seem to be up. The largest purchaser of U.S. government debt recently is ... the U.S. government. And that's not good. Essentially, America is purchasing IOUs by issuing more IOUs. This is called "Keynesian economics," or, more accurately "monetizing the debt" which is fancy economist lingo for "cheating creditors."

Monetizing the debt is printing money without running the printing presses. The Federal Reserve creates new money by issuing future obligations for payment of future dollars. This usually leads to inflation going forward, and deflation of USD value, which we're already seeing. This inflation and linked dollar devaluation means that creditors will be paid with weak dollars, degrading the value of their current holdings. America is playing a very dangerous game here, and no one has yet determined a reliable test for how much monetization is too much monetization, such that it makes American debt unmarketable, and thus valueless.

So back to spending. To avoid the debt trap 'Puter's laid out above, we have to repay our debts without monetization, and cut borrowing to sustainable levels. There are two ways to do so: (1) spend less or (2) tax more.

And there's the rub. Washington won't do either. Democrats refuse to spend less in any meaningful way. Republicans refuse to tax more in any meaningful way. 'Puter's decidedly in the spend less camp, but believes there should be a workable compromise between the two positions (e.g., entitlement reform coupled with deduction phase out, with a two year revisit). But that's not where Washington's at. Washington's study the issue to death holding cell, a/k/a the Super Committee, threw in the towel at compromise this week, and this was Congress' last, best hope at a solution. So, as Cassandra-esque 'Puter forewarned, America's facing yet another ratings agency downgrade.

Politicians are still more afeared of losing elections than cratering Western civilization. And this, dear friends, is why America is teetering on the economic brink.

Consquences: (2) Citizens spend more than they make, necessitating unwise borrowing.

'Puter's walked you through the morass that is America's current public fisc. Let's now fix our gimlet eyes on America's private fisc.

Short answer: America's private fisc is every bit as effed up as the public fisc because of an unholy partnership between dipstick citizens who want free stuff and sniveling politicians who promise to enact free stuff legislation.

During the Clinton and Bush administrations, Americans went on a spending binge like before never in our history. We borrowed money to buy everything our hearts desired. We sucked equity out of our houses to finance vacations and college educations, because housing values only go up. College kids (and parents) financed educations in Fill In The Blank Studies, because college graduates always get jobs. We borrowed against our 401ks, because stocks always increase in value over time.

Guess what? Americans were wrong. The housing market tanked, college graduates are funemployed like never before and stocks showed their ugly downside. Our greed and material longings made us blind to obvious risk. In this, we were aided and abetted by banks, and indirectly, government.

Banks were only too happy to lend against our houses. In fact, government encouraged banks to do so. Government fetishized home ownership as an indicator of "fairness," and set out on a "housing for all" binge. The government told Fannie and Freddie to buy as much housing backed debt as they could, even the marginal and downright crappy paper, and banks were only too happy to feed the federal appetite. If you were sentient, and you owned a house, banks would give you money, no questions asked.

As a "frinstance," 'Puter bought his current abode in 2005, and financed the purchase. The bank never asked 'Puter to supply proof of income, tax returns, pay stubs or any other financial data. 'Puter simply wrote down his assets and liabilities, and signed an application. The loan was quickly approved. 'Puter refinanced his mortgage debt in 2009, after the Great Shitstorm of 2008, with the exact same lender. Same house, same borrowers, same jobs, same lender. The bank now required 'Puter to provide tons and tons of financial data, despite the fact that 'Puter wasn't cashing out, and despite 'Puter's four-year track record of perfect payment. Times changed.

In 2005, the housing market started getting hinky. In 2008, it froze. Banks gasped. As a result of having shoveled money out the door to anyone who asked, without income verification, on suspect appraisals, banks had no clue what their loan portfolios were actually worth. And, despite all protestations to the contrary, banks still don't really know what the true worth of their portfolios is. This uncertainty has prevented banks from lending, as banks are rated by their leverage ratios, essentially, how much banks are owed against assets on hand. Banks have to reserve capital against loan losses, and that capital isn't counted for purposes of calculating their ratio. So, if banks are carrying lots of bad loans (e.g., under water loans, non-performing loans), they may be required to reserve a significant amount of capital, requiring them to raise additional capital to maintain their ratings.

There's a lot of pretending going on at banks these days. Wells Fargo and Bank of America have significant portfolio risk. But the banks are pretending that their collateral is worth more than it is, or that the loans are performing better than they are, or that the market value of the loans is greater than it is, to avoid raising equity. A sudden push to raise significant equity by either of these banks would be a red flag to the market, and likely spell the banks' end. Instead, regulators and banks pretend that the banks' assets are worth more through accounting niceties, such as suspending mark to market accounting.

Because banks and lenders (as well as borrower and markets) are uncertain as to which banks are sound and which are zombies, credit is tight. Banks don't want to lend to other banks because they're not certain other banks are telling the truth about their balance sheets. Banks don't want to lend to customers because either they're not certain about the housing market or they're hiding the fact that they're short capital. And this is before we even consider banks' exposure to collateralized debt obligations/mortgage backed securities, masterminded by Wall Street and blessed by the feds. The parceling out of ever smaller and farther removed rights and obligations of these instruments, including associated rate swaps and other assorted hedges, means that no one really knows who's exposed to what portion of which debt. The banks don't know, Wall Street doesn't know and the regulators sure as Hell don't know. It's all liar's poker now.

A perfect storm of consumer greed, bank foolishness and regulatory blindness combined to create our current stagnation.

Solutions to both (1) and (2).

Mitt Romney was exactly right when he said that the economy will improve when the markets are permitted to clear.

In the governmental context, he means that bond prices must accurately reflect the risk of default associated with the debtor nation. Right now, Europe is fibbing, claiming everything's just hunky dory, so please to ignore the giant alien that just burst out of Greece's chest over there in the corner. And never mind that Italy, Spain and Portugal don't look too great either. This doctor Europe knows is really awesome and can totally make them better real soon.

In the personal context, this means requiring banks to properly value their holdings, and speeding the process of liquidating bad debt. That is, suing defaulted consumers into bankruptcy where the debts are assigned value by court order and/or liquidating real and personal property collateral where available.

The problem is, as noted, that no one wants to allow the markets to clear because people are going to get hurt. People will go bankrupt and lose their houses. Government will cut insane benefits and/or significantly raise taxes. So 'Puter agrees with the assessment that the natural consequences of unmitigated and long-term greed do suck. Unfortunately, because the greedy can vote and riot, politicians are disinclined to cause anyone any angst whatsoever. Better to pretend there's nothing to see here, move along, please. We've seen the results of this policy. They're really crappy results.

Markets are going to clear, whether governments want them to do so or not. There's no way of stopping it. Sooner or later, investors lose faith in the markets, the markets seize and the economy grinds to a halt. At that point, the debt is liquidated. Governments can prolong the day of reckoning, but eventually markets win out.

And it appears the day of reckoning will soon be upon us, if it already isn't.

On that cheerful note, have a bright and happy Sunday afternoon!

Fond memories from Dr. J.'s ill spent youth...

A schoolmate posted this on his Facebook page:

...and because Dr. J. can't get this song out of his head, you must suffer with him.