Music Education: Simple Math

The Czar has often said that scientists tend to be political idiots. Not all, mind you, because that would be an exaggeration. Probably only 99.995% of them, which is easily in the millions.

There is of course an unabashed streak of liberalism in the scientific community, and truthfully few scientists will be voting for the GOP this year. Ignore the fact that Republican presidents and Congresses tend to push more funds to scientific programs and offer tax breaks for companies that employ science...we have been through that too many times to count, now. Scientists believe liberal politicians give more money to scientists, so it feels factual enough to be true.

The real problem is that scientists tend to see the world in very theoretical ways; because we see something should be true, it astonishes them that it is not. The November, 2010, issue of Scientific American is a case in point. An editorial therein posits that music education has a tremendous effect on a child’s developing brain, resulting in improved scores in reading, math, and everything you can think of.

So why in this age of failing schools are we cutting music programs? Maybe, based on the tone, a few more question marks: why are cutting music programs?????

And so, the Czar will explain it. Yes, their premise is true: music education is vastly important for children. And if your kids aren’t getting it in school, they should be getting it at home. And if you are not musically inclined, the Czar will allow you to let your pre-teens hang out with rock musicians for a couple months. Trust us, the results will be worth it.

The reason music education is getting cut is not due to a lack of funding. Yes, music education is being eliminated for funding reasons, but good music education requires very little resources. Kids do not need to be given progressional grade musical instruments, $2,000 keyboards each, and computer sequencer software. What they need is a blackboard, some chairs, and a freaking CD player to introduce musical styles, genres, elements, and names. Some of the greatest names in the music business received music training on less money than even impoverished programs offer.

The reaon music education is being cut is due to time. Music education wastes time being devoted to test taking. Check into most public schools and you will see it: federal and state education guidelines are forcing schools to focus on elevating performance on standardized tests or face drastic funding cuts or other penalties.

Well, is that so bad? Aren’t those tests reading, writing, and arithmetic? Is it so bad to spend a lot of time on the basics? Perhaps you forget your own standardized testing experiences: arcane vocabulary, analogies, Venn diagrams, and conceptual word problems. And rather than focus on how to determine the right answer, teaching time is spent on test-taking strategies.

This sounds like, but isn’t, problem solving. Instead, students are learning how to pass tests without understanding the questions. And the question themselves probably appear totally irrelevant to a third or fourth grader: what is the main setting of the passage you read? What events happen in the last passage? What symbols are offered to describe the narrator’s viewpoint? Which of the following mathematical expressions is valid?

The kids neither understand the purpose of the tests, care about the results (they are not effectively graded on their answers), or relate to the arbitrary theories behind the questions. But what they do know is that B is the most common question, and in a range of numbers, you can usually throw out the first and last.

So there is where classtime goes.

Want music education back into public schools? Reduce the amount of testing. Want to reduce the amount of testing? Keep the performance of the schools up. How? Begin to eliminate union domination of teacher evaluations. The kids don’t arrive stupid, but they can leave that way.

Therefore, Scientific American can answer its own question: begin to force the unions out of schools. Then, there can be time for music again.

Dems: Don't Vote For Us. We Stink!

This is totally true.

The Czar received this flyer in the mail last week. Thanks to the Capitol Fax Blog for scanning it in so we did not have to.







That awful Mark Kirk! What a terrible conservative. He is, swear to God, just as bad as a Democrat!.

Curious, the Czar flipped it over. And there, in the return address are, were the words Paid for by...the Lake County Democratic Party.



Are the Democrats this totally stupid?

Hitch’s little tour of the Bates motel

Brilliant. Stop on over at Big Hollywood (link on left) for a lot more on Psycho this week.

Happy Halloween!

Rimshot.

Happy Halloween. (Yeah, it’s not new…)

Happy Halloween...

We had a beautiful Halloween over at the Castle, much like we do every day.

The kids came by in good numbers, which we're happy to see again. We all took turns manning the door (or, in GorT's case, monitoring). And the Castle was perfectly decorated in the spirit of the season. The front courtyard was all decorated like a haunted house motif. One kid remarked that the corpse we had in our little graveyard looked very realistic. "It damn well ought to," your Mandarin replied, as I looked nervously around. 'Puter was out back making jack o'lanterns... although he didn't seem to remember that the fire goes on the inside.

Of course, one teenaged kid came to the door dressed as Edward the vampire from Twilight. Unfortunately, the Volgi answered the door and went all batshit crazy on the poor kid. He's in fair condition and should be released soon. Thursday, tops. Even little Dat Ho was eager to go trick or treating, and picked out a nice Robin Hood costume; at the last moment, however, the Czar forced him to spend the day polishing the kitchen grease traps for thinking about stealing a parsnip from the larder.

Anyway, it was time for the Castle Halloween party! To add to the atmosphere, we played scary sounds records really loud, which helped drown out the real screams coming from the basement. The Czar and 'Puter manned the bar making Taffy Apples: two shots of apple schnapps, two shots of caramel vodka, and five shots of Tylenol cough medicine. It was a big hit with the kids under 12. We had to put 'Puter behind the bar, because he was having a lot of... trouble... when the kids were bobbing for apples. Something about them dunking their heads into a big pail of water was a bit much for him.

Another fun game we played was "knife throwing," in which the Czar had the kids whip daggers at life-size posters of Stalin and Woodrow Wilson. And, at first, Justin Bieber. Except, he wasn't a poster and a lot of the girls got worried when he began crying in terror. We even had a costume contest, which was initially won by a cool-looking mummy, except of course it was our butler and he was disqualified since it wasn't actually a costume. At one point, your Mandarin showed up wearing a Nancy Pelosi mask, but a lot of the little kids begin sobbing, so I removed it (the mask, not Nancy Pelosi).

The older kids spent their time with dancing to Halloween songs like "Monster Mash," "The Creep," "Experiment in Terror" by Henry Mancini (the Gormogon theme song, by the way), "Nearer My God To Thee," and "Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go)," while an elaborate laser light show entertained most of them and blinded about half of them. Actually, all of that was provided by GorT. Without any other equipment besides his own combat chassis. His 1980s tribute by dancing The Robot delighted our young guests, who laughed hysterically. Most of us, of course, realized he was not doing satire.

We had readings of H.P. Lovecraft performed by Christopher Walken, and at the end of the evening we each told a ghost story. Your Mandarin spoke of a crazed lunatic killer that once murdered the entire staff of a hotel, bathed the walls in their blood, and then set fire to it. Upon realizing that the statute of limitations might not be expired, your Mandarin was quick to point out that this “crazed” killer was in fact the Mandarun and not the Mandarin as he first misspoke. Then of course it was the Czar, who himself told a story about a spectral кафедральный собор whose притвор dripped blood on the Feast of Санкт Згормняцк. 'Puter showed them pictures of his childhood. GorT wove a frightening tale of the ghostly magnetar, that terrified the Manulex-37 positronically. Finally, the Volgi captivated the audience for about ten minutes with a three-hour re-telling of "Ch'ieh Tzu the Arrogant and His Conversations With the False Phoenix Emporer Fu Hsieh on the Nature of the Learned Man."

We certainly hope your Halloween is fun and scary, and remember to lock your doors and windows tonight—because 'Puter's hammered on these Taffy Apples and once these kids go home, he's going to wander the streets looking for action.

Morons and Their Dumb Ideas

The Czar has found Sleestak’s cell phone. It was in his sleeping pylon.

The good news is that this disproves that a character in a Charlie Chaplin film found the phone and is talking on cell phone in 1928.

First, there was no cellular connectivity in 1928 for the call to establish a route.

Second, if the guy was a time traveler, he must be a time traveler from 1995; because a modern day (and definitely future) cell-phone user would be on a hands-free Bluetooth connection as he walked, solely for the purpose of walking down a street appearing to talk to himself like a freaking half-wit.

Third, if the cell phone did make it all the way back to 1928, ‘Puter still wouldn’t use one.

Fourth, the device in question is apparently a carbon tube amplifer used as a hearing aid back in the day. The person in the video is using it correctly.

The bad news is that Sleestak did lose the phone, so the beating he received from GorT was not only justified, but deliciously brutal. The Czar rarely giggles to the point of wetting his bearskin.

What's Wrong With 'Puter?

Here's 'Puter's second post in the same day giving thanks.

In this post, 'Puter would like to say thank you to all the men and women in the United States intelligence community, as well as those of our allies. Working in secrecy and anonymity, these folks do a difficult job well. They have to be correct every time, or people die. Their successes we will never know, because the lack of calamity is not newsworthy. Each failure is smeared across the front page of every newspaper in the land, in graphic detail, with commensurate scapegoating.

So, to those of you out there to whom this applies, thank you. You have 'Puter's thanks for keeping 'Puter, his family and his fellow Gormogons safe another day.

'Puter is Thankful

Early weekend mornings are a good time for reflection. Lately, as 'Puter's been recovering from his back surgery and unable to do much of any exercise, he's been rising earlier than usual. This morning, 'Puter wasout of bed with coffee on by 5:30 a.m.

'Puter planned his dinner menu as he prepped the coffee maker: barbecued pork steaks, home made bread, spaghetti squash, Caesar salad, baked potatoes and apple crisp. He then headed out to the local farmer's market and butcher. Pictured right is a sampling of the produce 'Puter purchased. Until you've had oven roasted brussels sprouts seasoned with kosher salt, black pepper and a hint of cayenne, you haven't tasted Upstate Fall. And 'Puter's kids love his spaghetti squash gratin. Unfortunately for 'Puter, the butcher's doesn't open until 9:00 a.m., so he will be heading back shortly.

When 'Puter arrived home, purchases in hand, he realized he had not checked the mail yesterday. In the mail was a bill for his back surgery, now a month ago. 'Puter's share of the tab was $22.10. You read that right: $22.10. The overall tab was $6,624.27. Heck, if 'Puter had known that the discectomy was that relatively inexpensive, he would have paid cash to have it done last May, rather than suffering through the summer and incurring another debilitating flareup in late August in order to satisfy the insurers.

And, moving backwards through the space-time continuum (as GorT is wont to do), 'Puter and his family spent a most enjoyable evening with one of his college buddies, up from northern New Jersey. The dinner and the conversation were refreshing. Said college buddy is an unrepentant, dyed-in-the-wool liberal. Yet, as a result of his Jesuit education (and 'Puter's as well), we have always been able to disagree civilly and remain fast friends. Neither time nor distance has changed our deep respect for one another. It is good for 'Puter to know that there are people of good faith on the other side of our political discourse. Such knowledge gives 'Puter hope for our country.

So, back to 'Puter's early morning pensees. 'Puter is thankful for the following: (1) his friends and family; (2) the low priced, easily available local fall produce and the work of those who produce it; and (3) the skill of his surgeon and all the medical personnel associated with his operation; and (4) gold-plated nearly free union provided health insurance. Number 4 makes 'Puter gag a bit, and feel hypocritical, yet still he gives thanks.

Thanks to God for all he has generously provided 'Puter, His unworthy servant.

Breaking News (Unconfirmed)

Unhappy with President Obama’s failure to get any real laughs on The Daily Show, Democrats are asking Vice-President Biden to appear on Jeopardy.

The Czar Comments

Regular readers here probably noticed that we have comments turned off. It is a policy that is universally supported by the Gormogons, and you know why? Low signal-to-noise ratio. With comments turned off, people are forced to send us emails, which is the equivalent of making eye contact. As a result, the emails we receive—a large portion of which we publish in whole or in part—are substantive and well-considered. Most are highly supportive (thanks!), some offer us corrections and clarifications (thanks!), and only a couple come back critical—and those that do are done by reasonable people with genuine concerns that we can address in a proper fashion.

So what do we need comments for? However, if you really miss them, here you go. The Czar is pre-writing a bunch of comments that you can apply to almost any of our postings here at the Big G.

Roger from SF Oct. 29, 2010 7:21 AM

This post is a load of crap. Most of these are, frankly. Like when you have that guy Puter or whatever his name is, put down the unions, you show how ignorant you all are. First of all, Sarah Palin is a nine year old, and everyone knows under Ronald Reagan the tax rate was 90-something percent. You can look it up. And all these tea baggers want to go back to Reagan because they all have mommy and daddy issues. Fact is, global warming is already starting entire countries on fires, and already most of Bavaria is a desert. With dunes! So get your facts straight first, jackasses.

USA2go Oct. 29, 2010 7:35 AM

I think you are the one who is wrong. Everyone knows Obama will be defeated on Nov2 and Robert Gibbs will lose his election against Jake Tapper. So go ahead and cry about that. And why Gibbs ins't even in jail: the press secretary isn't even in the constitution so that's a federal offesne right there. Probably because this is the Soviet White House Union and we all know the president worships Richard Marx.

Roger from SF Oct. 29, 2010 7:36 AM

No, you are an idiot. It isn't Richard Marx, it's Karl Marx you dumb tea bagger. I bet you think the world is only 5000 years old, too. Why don't you go to your library and actually read Das Kapitol. You might learn something. O that's right you burned down your library. Probably by using an unlicensed gun you got from one of your Texas vending machines.

Roger from SF Oct. 29, 2010 83:12 PM

y all de h8? i m like 14 but the age verifiction lets me pick 18 so i can post commentz. i think u r worng bcuz my dad wont let me do the txting on my fone b-cuz he sez it is 2 much a distractn 2 my studies but i haf frends who r home scooled & they dont louk lik fe den3 freff un2 is so murh but w no the obama if3 tr8t but is like we r the 1s who r untillegible!!!!!! but is not!!!!!

WHIMZEE Oct. 29, 2010 9:21 AM

1334, ya tards, I'm a 30-something who still collects Micronauts and has this really disconnected wife who, with constant eyerolls, makes no secret that she loathes me. Anyway, I spend most of my time on teh intarwebs and like to use all the nerdy netspeak terms because it's the easiest way to appear hip, like livin' on the grid, me droogs. In fact, this comment has nothing to do with anything except as a way for me to get some bodacious attention. I can haz cheezburger! Hey, does anyone know how I can put up a picture in these comments from ST:TNG with a funny caption about idiot comments?

Roger from SF Oct. 29, 2010 1:38 PM

It has been a while since I objected to anything, so I thought I better just post again to humiliate someone anonymously. I still hate hate HATE this website so much that I read it every 15 minutes just to see if anything got added. I have also asked all 42 of my friends to jump on here in the next 5 minutes to post more comments about Sarah Palin, George Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove, and global warming, but so far they seem to be having problems with the suck-ass free wireless down at the coffee shop. Yeah, there's your GOP technology right there.

See what happens

When you let Sleestak come along on a time traveling trip?  He drops his phone and next we have this.  Clean up is going to be a mess.

Camels and Straws [UPDATED]

The next time someone dares to claim in your presence that teachers are woefully underpaid and underappreciated, bust out this little nugget and tell them to STFU and crawl back under their patchouli scented serape with the joint burns in it.

Teachers in Buffalo, New York got $9,000,000.00 worth of PLASTIC SURGERY paid for by New York taxpayers last year.

'Puter does not mind teachers that take pride in their appearance. However, to be crass, he does not want to pay for Miss Jones 38 DD store-bought titties.

And the union's excuse is emblematic of everything wrong with public sector unions today. "The teachers' union president says the union will give up the benefit in the next contract. He suspects teachers know the benefit will disappear and are using it while they can."

Translated from Unionese: "We're in business to screw taxpayers until we get caught, and we got caught here."

UPDATE: Gormogon Operative Bee Gee writes in:

A little speculative math:

Assuming your average face lift costs about $10,000, something like nine hundred Buffalo teachers got cosmetic surgery last year.

The weather in Buffalo might be cold, but I'm thinking the teachers must be hot enough to melt 24" rebar.

An excellent point, Loyal Operative. And 'Puter always appreciates extra math help. Czar told 'Puter there would be no math, but Czar was playing a mean trick.

Shelby Steele on American anti-Americanism

Among today's liberal elite, bad faith in America is a sophistication, a kind of hipness. More importantly, it is the perfect formula for political and governmental power. It rationalizes power in the name of intervening against evil—I will use the government to intervene against the evil tendencies of American life (economic inequality, structural racism and sexism, corporate greed, neglect of the environment and so on), so I need your vote.

Very well observed within an article on the upcoming “Referendum on the Redeemer.” (Which you should read in full.)

More Patting Ourselves on the Back

Hello, readers.

Do you remember a recent post in which the Czar predicted that the Tea Party seems to be implementing a new phase of attack? This one, we thought, would be aimed at Republicans, not Democrats, and that the GOP would be well-advised to live up to its promises immediately upon election...and that failure to do so, according to growing rumblings, could easily result in the destruction of the Republican Party.

Well, now, Michael Tanner over at The Corner is picking up on this as well. And Rush Limbaugh is now echoing this, as is the great Mark Steyn. Thanks to Ed Driscoll for finding more exmples. [Update: Now Andy McCarthy agrees.]

As we predicted. Take heed, Republicans. The Czar doubts that one slip up in the next few months will result in your instant eradication. What you will do is give legitimacy to all sorts of oddball third parties, and ensure that you will never gain another majority again, until, by 2020, you are non-existent.

You will be seeing more and more stories like this in the press...until people start believing it: and perception in politics is indistinguishable from reality.

Sorry About That, Chief

President Obama cast his absentee ballot today at the White House.

A slightly awkward moment for His Excellency, as he moved to vote for Illinois governor and was shocked to see Harry Reid’s name already filled in.

Eight False Things the Liberals Think They ‘Know’ Before Election Day

I saw on the interwebs a blog posting entitled “Eight False Things the Public ‘Knows’ Before Election Day”. It is hosted on a liberal leaning site and the bent can clearly be seen. I thought, for fun, I’d do a rebuttal of sorts. So here is my “Eight False Things the Liberals Think They ‘Know’ Before Election Day” responses:

1) President Obama tripled the deficit.
Reality: Bush's last budget had a $1.416 trillion deficit. Obama's first budget reduced that to $1.29 trillion.

First, one must understand the difference between “debt” and “deficit” as they pertain to the federal government. The deficit is the difference between the “revenue” that the federal government takes in for a particular fiscal year and the amount of outlays (payments) it makes in the same fiscal year. Second, one must understand some basic civics: the budget that gets passed is largely a construct of the Congress and not the President. Before the first Monday in February (later in administration changeover years), the President submits a budget request to Congress. From there, Congress takes over and the House & Senate Budget Committees draft budget resolutions. This is the real beginning of the annual budget that becomes reality after reconciliation and a vote (unless it’s Rep. Pelosi’s Congress then they try to abdicate this responsibility). Read more here.

So now that the problem is framed, let’s rephrase and expand upon the perceived falsehood:

Reality: The Democrat controlled Congress had a $1.416 trillion deficit (The FY07 deficit was roughly $200B, a reduction from the all-time largest dollar deficit of $413B in FY2004 and rolling forward starting in FY08 – when the Democrats controlled Congress, the deficit increased each year to FY09). Looking forward to a difficult mid-term elections and hearing from constituents over the past two years, Congress has focused on more fiscal responsibility and cut the deficit back. However, the CBO projections for Obama’s policies clearly show that he is playing a shell game where taxes and other incomes hit early and the spending impacts aren’t felt for later years.  So the bottom line is that the Democrat controlled Congress tripled the deficit. We’ll touch on this again towards the end.

2) President Obama raised taxes, which hurt the economy.
Reality: Obama cut taxes. 40% of the "stimulus" was wasted on tax cuts which only create debt, which is why it was so much less effective than it could have been.

Reality: This is kind of mixed. Did President Obama raise taxes – sure, one can find individual tax items (i.e. Tanning Beds) that were taxed but that’s not the point here by the author. Instead, the author equates tax cuts with creating debt and that’s bad. For a very illuminating chart go to this site and set the date range (bottom left of main chart) to 2000-01 to 2010-09. Look at the inflection point for where the debt starts increasing faster. Then look at who controls Congress. Make no mistake, I’m not arguing that the GOP, both President Bush and those in Congress, were fiscally sound, but I think the resulting chart tells a lot. Back on the Stimulus: the $787B Stimulus had much more waste – consider the following:

• $5 million to create a geothermal energy system for a failing shopping mall in Tennessee.
• $1.57 million to Penn State University study fossils in Argentina
• $100,000 to a puppet theater in Minnesota
• $2 million to build a replica railroad in Carson City, Nev.
• A boat cruise company in Chicago got almost $1 million to “combat terrorism”
• $500,000 went to Arizona State University to study ant genetics
• Another $450,000 went to University of Arizona to study ants
• $5,000 a person tax rebate if you buy a new electric golf cart.
• Up to $1 million went to prisoners in $250 stimulus checks
• $54 mil to a New York Indian tribe to run its casino
• $15 million to back-road bridges that get little traffic in Wisconsin
• $3.4 million for an animal walk way under a road in Florida
• $1.15 million to install a guard rail for a lake that doesn’t even exist in Oklahoma
• $10 million to renovate a rail station that has stood unused for a decade
• $2 million to build a new fire house in a Nevada town that has no firemen
• North Carolina schools got $4.4 million for literacy and math coaches for their own teachers!
• $54 million for a railroad project in Napa Valley went to one company who then hired a local construction company for half the price, pocketing the rest

The author’s belief that short-term, government projects will stimulate the economy is flawed. True growth, as the President himself has said, comes from the private sector. Companies will be reluctant to hire (read: grow) for short-term projects when there isn’t a future in sight for that employee or the work. Tax cuts do not create debt. Debt is caused by the federal government borrowing money to pay for programs in the budget. Rather than point at failures, waste, and abuse in the federal budget and the programs it supports, the author wants to point at tax cuts reducing the level of “revenue” available to the government. The problem here is with growing unemployment, we have fewer contributors to that pot of money, which in itself appears as a “tax cut” to the federal government. So the natural reaction (as many states did with the “millionaire tax”) and that of President Obama (see all the taxes that come with the Healthcare Reform Act) is to raise taxes.

3) President Obama bailed out the banks.
Reality: While many people conflate the "stimulus" with the bank bailouts, the bank bailouts were requested by President Bush and his Treasury Secretary, former Goldman Sachs CEO Henry Paulson. (Paulson also wanted the bailouts to be "non-reviewable by any court or any agency.") The bailouts passed and began before the 2008 election of President Obama.  

Reality: This is true (TARP) and many, including some of us here, feel that it was a mistake.

4) The stimulus didn't work.
Reality: The stimulus worked, but was not enough. In fact, according to the Congressional Budget Office, the stimulus raised employment by between 1.4 million and 3.3 million jobs.

Reality: The stimulus didn’t work. We’ve covered it a number of times (search the site using the Stimulus Package tag or the Pork Filled Stimulus Bill tag). But maybe the best rebuttal is the video below deconstructing Mr. Goolsbee’s propaganda piece. In the end, one cannot prove that the stimulus created or saved any jobs. And in many cases, based on the data available at this administration’s Recovery.gov site, the government paid an incredible amount per job created or saved.

5) Businesses will hire if they get tax cuts.
Reality: A business hires the right number of employees to meet demand. Having extra cash does not cause a business to hire, but a business that has a demand for what it does will find the money to hire. Businesses want customers, not tax cuts.

Reality: true, tax cuts don’t cause businesses to hire. But the underlying falsehood here is that businesses pay taxes or get “tax cuts”. They don’t. Tax implications to businesses are passed along to the customer. Fewer taxes on businesses could mean greater ability or benefits to their employees (a good thing) or lower cost of doing business and therefore the ability to cut the price of their goods or services resulting in a savings to the consumer (a good thing).  So tax cuts frees up money to the individual to invest (through investment or purchasing goods and services) in private sector companies.

6) Health care reform costs $1 trillion.
Reality: The health care reform reduces government deficits by $138 billion.

The author has fallen for a number of liberal falsehoods again. First, the Healthcare Reform Act was packaged together with some student loan reforms which account for $19B over the ten years. Then one should account for the CLASS Act trickery which really reduces any savings by the Healthcare Reform Act to around $49B. But in reality, the reform act is increasing spending and, as we learned above, that drives up the deficit – but is offset by a series of...wait for it....wait for it...yes, new taxes. A simple search on the internet will show that the debate is still raging over whether the country will realize any deficit reductions as a result (doubtful) and whether citizens will see a net benefit as a result (doubtful).

7) Social Security is a Ponzi scheme, is "going broke," people live longer, fewer workers per retiree, etc.
Reality: Social Security has run a surplus since it began, has a trust fund in the trillions,is completely sound for at least 25 more years and cannot legally borrow so cannot contribute to the deficit (compare that to the military budget!) Life expectancy is only longer because fewer babies die; people who reach 65 live about the same number of years as they used to. Everyone knows the deficit was caused by tax cuts for the rich and the huge increases in military spending.

Wow. Ok, after a few deep breaths, let me dissect this one. According to a report by the Social Security Trustees, the Social Security fund “will continue to take in more money than it pays out until the year 2018; however, after this date, benefit payments will be larger than the revenue”. As the large contingent of Baby Boomers hit retirement age, the payouts will increase beyond its intakes. After the year 2018, the federal government will need to use reserves to supplement Social Security. This is the “trust fund” the author refers to above. However, and this fact is quite alarming, all of the money which has been put aside following the 1983 tax increase during the Reagan administration “has been embezzled and used for other purposes; thus, there is not a single dollar of cash in these reserves” (Baker, Dean. Social Security: The Phony Crisis. University of Chicago Press, 1999). Maybe the author should listen to the Treasury Secretary or read CNN’s report based on Fortune’s analysis.

8) Government spending takes money out of the economy.
Reality: Government is We, the People and the money it spends is on We, the People. Many people do not know that it is government that builds the roads, airports, ports, courts, schools and other things that are the soil in which business thrives. Many people think that all government spending is on "welfare" and "foreign aid" when that is only a small part of the government's budget.

Reality: Listen, Geither gets it: “The government can help but we need to make this transition now to a recovery led by private investment.” And President Obama in the past has echoed similar statements (whether he puts his effort behind it may be another question). Yes, the government “builds” roads, schools, etc. by spending money contractually to do so. The problem is that once built the job is done. The road is built. The school is open. Growing the economy and adding to the GDP is done through investment and innovation by private sector companies. Government spending will not move the needle over the long term. And as far as welfare being a “small part of the government’s budget” – how about these numbers for 2010 (Obama’s budget):

• Government Pensions $770B
• Healthcare $830B
• Defense $890B
• Welfare $560B

Welfare is no small part and when one considers that $120B of the Defense budget goes to Veterans programs and $50B go to Foreign Aid, the Defense budget (as targeted by the likes of this author) is closer to $720B.

This stuff really matters.

If the public votes in a new Congress because a majority of voters think this one tripled the deficit, and as a result the new people follow the policies that actually tripled the deficit, the country could go broke.

So now the author equates all the good things Obama has done (look back and try to find him pointing to the Democrat-led Congress) with voting in a “new Congress” (read: a GOP led Congress). With a week left before the midterm elections, people really need to consider their civics lessons and what this Congress that it’s leader self-proclaimed as the “most honest, open and ethical” Congress has done for the past 4 years since they’ve controlled it – to the point of being able to override the filibuster and other minority party maneuvers.

Mail..uh...mail thing... errr... Mail Bag, man! That's it!

Ah, always good to get an email from DT of the 1st Myrmidion.

Oh Most Hoopy of the Froods, the Czar:

This morning, while conducting opposition research as leader of the First Gormogon Myrmidon Division , I came across an article discussing CA’s Proposition 9 on NPR. As you know, Prop. 9 considers the legalization, licensing, and taxation of medicinal marijuana, and is likely to pass if the hippies remember on which day they need to vote.

In any event, I found the article quite amusing, as the hippies were mostly against the law, as the taxes and regulations that would be piled on the growers would cut profits and stop innovation in the field. Imagine that! Who could imagine that government bureaucracies bring more than just unicorns and rainbows?

As always, I remain your most humble myrmidon,

D. T.

JTS on Ricky Hendon

Posted without comment.

At first I thought it was a slow news day at the Sun-Times, when I saw this headline Sunday morning: "State Senator Ricky Hendon calls Republican candidate for Governor Brady "idiotic, racist, sexist and homophobic.” Hmmm, I said to myself, they couldn't get a reporter to stop by the local ice-cream parlor for a quote from little Timmy: "10-year old calls chocolate ice-cream the best flavor ever"; or maybe they were too busy to ring up some tweens for a Justin Bieber quote: "He's so dreamy".

But then when you read the story, you realize that even for the low standards of Ricky Hendon, who is probably one of the top three stupidest and most self-serving politicians in the City of Chicago, there are some unique gems:

"I've never served with such an idiotic, racist, sexist, homophobic person in my life," Hendon said before introducing Gov. Quinn. "If you think that the minimum wage needs to be three dollars an hour, vote for Bill Brady. If you think that women have no rights whatsoever, except to have his children, vote for Bill Brady. If you think gay and lesbian people need to be locked up and shot in the head, vote for Bill Brady."

Since I've been following Illinois politics for years, I remember well when Senator Brady was one of the crucial votes that almost passed the "Lock up homosexuals and shoot them in the head bill". I also remember when Senator Brady introduced his bill that would strip all Illinois female citizens of their State rights and require women over the age of 16 to sleep with the Senator if he wanted to have more children. I supported that bill and continue to support Senator Brady in his bid for Governor.

Mind you, the above quote was right before he introduced the current Governor to a get out the vote rally on the West Side. Only after the rally when reporters confronted the Governor did he try and distance himself from the Senator's remarks. Pathetic. I can't wait to retire Governor Quinn from public service on November 2nd.

Scriptsit JTS

Other Illegal Aliens

Where are the most woo-woo places in the US?

You know, the place where you get all funky with crystal healing, spiritual chakras, and so on? Los Angeles, right? San Francisco? Seattle, maybe?

The Czar will shock and delight. His vote goes to Arizona and Colorado. The former is a hive of New Age weirdness, from Roswell, Area 51, to the mysterious energies of the Sedona area. And the latter is also a mind-boggling nest of weird beliefs.

So the Czar, for one, is not surprised by something handed to him by Dr. J.

If my tax dollars were going to be wasted, this is how I would love to see them flushed....

It's the absurdity of it that I love.

Does a municipality actually think that an interstellar race would be interested in local issues?

One just needs to watch any Star Trek TNG first contact episode to know that they care not one bit for local issues.

There has been a spate of UFO-related bits in the news lately. Jupiter is prominent in the SE skies this fall, so a lot of people are phoning him in for following their car along a deserted roadway and twinkling at them. And some balloons welcoming in the Spanish ambassador got released in New York City recently, causing a bunch of people to phone those in as weird, hovering objects Of No Human Design.

Denver, you see, has a lot of air traffic there—both commercial and military. Pilots are everywhere. Also, you may not know, professional pilots are an odd bunch of folk. In some cases, you can rely on them the least when it comes to accurate reporting of events. So in addition to the Czar not being surprised to see that Denver wants to establish a formal, paid extraterrestrail affairs commission, he also suspects that the woo crowd out there will vote yes on that proposition.

But Dr. J raises a better question with regard to what would really be expected. Should extraterrestrials come to Earth, they will not arrive at Gate 13 and ask where in Denver their luggage wound up on that conveyor thing. The sheer energy required to move a spacecraft within a reasonable distance of earth would be like a 747 sneaking up on you. You would know.

Because it would either take years for it to approach us—and believe me, we would see it against the backdrop of the stars—in which case they would eventually arrive here dead or extremely old, or they would need some trans-Einsteinian technology to get here quickly without being crushed by their own mass. In that sense, there would be a massive series of explosions we would see as they punched in and around the mesh of space.

Yet, what if the Czar is wrong about physics. Let us say they have technology so advanced that they can move faster than light without a massive expenditure of energy; further, they can easily sneak right up to our surface without us spotting them well in advance. Would their first stop be Denver?

Rather, what would likely happen is a careful approach that would take them to the far side of our Moon, where they would ever so slightly edge out to watch us. Unmanned (or unaliened) probles would study and map our terrain because you do not spend billions of quatloos on a hare-brained scheme without knowing exactly what you are getting into (unless, God help us, they’re democrats, too).

Once they have us figured out, and realized there are several approaches to take in communicating with us, the result will not be pretty. Roughly a fifth of our population will go ecstatic, chanting hope and change, and line up to receive their miracle cures and limitless free energy. Another tenth of us will go berserk, firing willy-nilly at the sky; the rest of us will go about our jobs as we usually do.

Science fiction has this generally correct based on sociological studies of what happens when very different levels of technology meets each other. Either we will be taken over War of the Worlds style, we will screw the whole thing up for our benefactors (The Day the Earth Stood Still, District 9), or we will slowly lose our way of life and adopt their customs in order to take advantage of their technology (real life). Either way, it ain’t great for us.

Fortunately, Gormogon members know exactly what will happen. We will eventually discover reasonable proof of life through chemical analysis of a far off planet as it transits its star. And we will get all excited for about a week, until we realize that (a) they cannot or choose not to communicate with us, (b) it will take us 60 years to send and receive a hello, and (c) the next five generations of people on this planet will never have the technology to see what their world looks like, get a probe that can get there in less than a thousand years, or find out anything about them other than they like nitrogen a lot. And then we will lose interest, the Church will refuse to comment officially on the nature of their spirituality, Muslims and Texas Board of Education members will deny their existence, and several diverse groups of Christians will set about trying to convert them into paying churchmembers. An American pop star will write a hit song about how they are probably just like us, cry, and love their children, a German pop star will write a nihilist song that they (and we) are all dead anyway, and a British group will write a song about getting pissed on pints with ‘em as they’re all Arsenal fans.

And life will be the same with our neighbors who live very far away that we never see.

Note: Alert nihil obstat EC writes in to remind the Czar that since 1912, Arizona is a delineated state and that neither Roswell, NM, nor Area 51, NV, are in Arizona. The Czar admits the errors, and aims to look at a map to see exactly how they laid that state out. Sedona, though, he evidently got right.

Down goes Goolsbee! Down goes Goolsbee!

Just a wonderfully brutal take down of some sleight-of-hand with charts.

Gosh, They Miss Nixon

The increasingly shabby New York Times, in an effort to show the world it can reduce news stories ad absurdum like Time or Newsweek, has prepared a pretty good proof that their junior editors can be just as shoddy as anyone else.

Case in point, a little piece called “The Things They Said, which manages to find a way—with an upset election only about a week away—to link all five columns to conservative stupidity! Of course, this is not done without unintended irony.

• On the Juan Williams embarrassment, the NYT said “Like most news organizations, NPR expects its journalists to keep personal opinion out of their reporting.” Instead, the NYT recommends you merely used blatant bias slanting in your topic selection like they do.
• A quick recap of Mrs. Thomas’ demand for Ms. Hill to apologize for her false charge of sexual harrassment against Justice Thomas. But in case you miss the point, they title this column “About an Old Battle.” You know, in case you thought this was important in any way.
• The NAACP calls Tea Party members racists again. The NYT mentions that that Tea Party members deny this, but does not bother to mention that the charges were thoroughly debunked several times by independent review. Because that would be telling.
• Crazy Sharron Angle! She can’t tell the difference between Latinos and Asians! Hah! Also, she has an ad that shows “several dark-skinned people” climbing fences. Boy, is she racist. Shame there was no space to comment on Harry Reid’s claim that he saved the world from a depression, which has further dropped him in the polls, or on the other fifteen dumbass comments he made in the last seven days.
• Stupid Christine O’Donnell! She thinks the First Amendment does not provide for separation of church and state! Hah! Boy, these conservatives are fools. Wait—the First Amendment doesn’t establish a separation of church and state? Well, she must be wrong for something else, then. Maybe...well...she doesn’t know that the First Amendment does not provide for separation of church and state. There. Much better.

When do they get around to that “All the News” bullcrap, instead of this drivel?

Shovel, peon! Shovel!

Amusing, but it stems from what was always a somewhat ugly side of this whole silly ‘shovel-ready’ meme. Basically, what ‘shovel-ready’ was always about was upper-middle-class lefties openly fantasizing about putting armies of peasants to work doing things that…upper-middle-class lefties wanted done.

Imagine you’re a young, well-off, ‘stuff-white-people-like’ type left-wing blogger, and you like to go to walkable downtown areas to eat in trendy restaurants. You spot – let’s say – some trash on the ground, a chipped sidewalk, a dried-out plant fixture next to the non-functioning fountain on the corner.

‘How ugly,’ you think. And this makes your otherwise nice, yuppie evening 0.2% less pleasant. But then a light-bulb goes off in your head: ‘Wait! What about all those unemployed people I keep reading about?’, you think to yourself. ‘Couldn’t they be, like, put to work fixing this stuff up for me?’

Read the whole thing. Thanks, Borepatch!

Same Planet, Different Worlds

So the Texas Rangers have defeated the New York Yankees. Let us imagine how this could be written up.

From CNN:

Just when ya think you’ve seen everything! It is October, and baseball is always filled with surprises. The Texas Rangers beat the New York Yankees to go to their first World Series! Lady Gaga was not in attendence, but rumors are soaring that Justin Bieber might be asked to sing the national anthem, even though he appears to be Canadian. Too bad there isn’t a Canadian team for him to cheer. [Cut to file footage of President Obama reading to first graders.]

From The Associated Press:

The New York Yankees were defeated in the division playoffs by the Texas Rangers. The Rangers, actually a team from Dallas and not from Texas at all, are enjoying their first World Series since the game was invented in 1978. President Barack Obama has yet to comment on the success of the Rangers, which may indicate official disapproval.

From Time:

Three Ways the Rangers Can Blow It. 1. Show up to wrong park. This happened to the Mackinack Eagles in 1938. Second, GOP filibusters seventh inning. They have the votes. C. Luck runs out. Scientists say luck plays a massive role in our lives, but in an age of texting, artistic forgery, and Sarah Palin, anything can happen.

From The New York Times:

Weary eyes sweep logningly across the new temple of baseball, Yankee Stadium, as hopes dissolve amid spilled beer and tear-soaked peanut shells. Frankly, the staff here were surprised by the loss, especially since days ago we made it quite clear to Yankees’ management that two taps on the side of the cap meant the Rangers of Texas would be swinging away, but touching the ear first meant hold up, probable breaking ball. Indeed, we anticipate the right-wing maniac Glenn Beck will accuse us of revealing confidential information that would have been disastrous to the Rangers of Texas (a state quite even further than Pennsylvania), but Mr. Beck fails to understand the importance of full truth in journalism, especially where the interests of Long Island are concerned. We expect he would do no less than advocate such for himself, so why the double standard?

From Twitter:

tx beats nyy! go 2 ws. sf next?

From The Huffington Post:

How fitting that the Texas Rangers, once owned in part by George Bush, overpowered the Yankees—clearly no more symbolic imagery can explain the last ten years of politics better than that. It is yet another metaphor describing the rise of the Tea Party. And it is significant, too, that the Rangers high-scoring games are meant to humiliate New York, still scarred from 9/11. Is it too much to ask that the Rangers be limited to winning games by only one run, maybe two? Or must these ostentatious displays of in-your-face prowess continue to set a bad example for the averaging of the American mind?

From The Chicago Sun-Times:

The New York Yankees were defeated in the playoffs by the Texas Rangers. The Rangers, a team from Dallas and not from Texas, are enjoying their first World Series since 1978. President Obama has yet to comment on the the Rangers, which may indicate disapproval. Via AP.

From Commentary Magazine:

As so the Rangers go to their first-ever World Series, dominating the Yankees in a veritable runfest. The most obvious question: how will this affect Israel? Our conclusion: not well.

From The Gormogons:

‘Puter says Yuck the Fankees. Organized labor runs baseball, and you wonder why a summer game is played at the tail end of October? It’s funny they still consider strikes a bad thing. Curious how a couple of well-placed phone calls can lead the upper echelons of liberal baseball society down a path all season long, just to get whipped by a bunch of rednecks who speak no English. Yeah, if you think what we did there was funny, wait until you see what the Rangers do in Game 3. Remember these three clues: red, the letter K, and a rope. You will understand when you see it. Everything is already in place.

Mao’s bid for “history’s greatest monster” gains new momentum…

What comes out of this massive and detailed dossier is a tale of horror in which Chairman Mao emerges as one of the greatest mass murderers in human history, responsible for the premature deaths of at least 45 million people between 1958 and 1962. It is not merely the extent of the catastrophe that dwarfs earlier estimates, but also the manner in which many people died: between two and three million victims were tortured to death or summarily killed, often for the slightest infraction. When a boy stole a handful of grain in a Hunan village, local boss Xiong Dechang forced his father to bury him alive. The father died of grief a few days later. The case of Wang Ziyou was reported to the central leadership: one of his ears was chopped off, his legs were tied with iron wire, a ten-kilo stone was dropped on his back and then he was branded with a sizzling tool – as punishment for digging up a potato. The discriminate killing of slackers, weaklings, or otherwise unproductive elements increased the overall food supply for those who contributed to the regime through their labour. As report after report shows, food was used as a weapon.

Buy Professor Dikötter’s book from the Emporium Gormogonorum.

Er. Um. Oh. Dear.

Many years ago, the Czar dated this girl who liked to watch pornography. The Czar asked her why.

“Sex is like baseball,” she said. “It is totally fun to play, but it’s also fun to watch on television, too.”

“Oh,” we replied.

”Plus, you can do it with 17 other guys.”

Borepatch Takes On Smart People

Borepatch makes an interesting association between recent conservative faux-gaffes and the problem with Smart People.

Check it out. As with all things Borepatch, he lays his argument out simply and efficiently.

Because you know what we think of the Smart People here.

Mailbag: More Historical Editing

Uncle Jay writes in to say...

Oh Mighty One—

Once again, I cringe and scrape before thee to offer a tidbit for your perusal:

President [Obama’s] restructuring of our Essential Documents.

For instance, see Whitehouse.gov's section on the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights…

A particular instance that pisses me off, although the entire 'site is rife with the same horseshit:

"The Second Amendment gives citizens the right to bear arms. "

For a guy who is supposed the be The Smartest President Evar, and who spent 12 years as professor teaching Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago Law School, [Obama] has absolutely no understanding of the second amendment.

The Bill of Rights does not GIVE the people ANYTHING, and I doubt you could find a valid Supreme Court decision that backs up that claim.

The Bill of Rights exists as a list of limitations on the Federal Government. A list of things it cannot do. It does not grant anything to the people.

It should read:

"The Second Amendment provides that the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

The current wording implies, and in fact states, that the Constitution GIVES rights, when the Founders clearly held that we are "endowed by our Creator" with our rights and that the purpose of government is to secure those Creator-endowed rights.

The Constitution enshrines and protects our rights, but does not "give" rights. That is a dangerous misinterpretation, because the uninformed citizen might fall prey to the belief that government could also "take away" rights. As we've seen recently, and as Your Excellency has pointed out, [Obama] is replacing the concept of our Creator with the Government as the source of our rights.

As a "Constitutional Scholar" [Obama] ought to be ashamed of this garbage on Whitehouse.Gov.

As I look at the rest of [Obama’s] version of the Bill of Rights there are some pretty hideous "interpretations" of the 4th and 5th amendments too.

Будьте здоровы и процветающей

You lowly minion-

One thinks that might read your lowly minion, but who can tell.

Anyway, здравствуйте back at ya. Thank you for writing in. The Czar hears that the President has done it a fourth time, yesterday in Seattle...editing the Declaration of Independence again. Sigh. He must really hate that document.

Anyway, Uncle Jay is right. The Bill of Rights gives no powers to the people at all. Instead, it protects rights that exist regardless of the Constitution. Rights are not given, but are retained. Of course, Uncle Jay should remember that our Constitutional scholar president did not write that webpage; he had well-paid flunkies do it who inevitably put into it what they know, and then it is approved by another assistant. Bet ya that neither the flunkies or the assistant find anything odd about the wording. One of the problems of a lot of editors is that what comes out is usually vastly different from what went in. Who knows who is responsible for that error! Editors are such a pain that we do not use them here.

However, both Uncle Jay and readers may wonder why the Czar has censored some of this letter. The reason is because the Czar earnestly believes that mocking a person’s name solely to diminish that person is too much out of the leftist playbook. Yes, there is a long tradition in doing it, and it is certainly a bona fide element of satire, but the Czar does not allow it merely for the sake of doing it. There is no particular reason to do it when the actions of the man in question stand for themselves.

Barney Frank's Conflict of Interest

Ah, Barney Frank: the Congressman everybody loves to hate. If you really needed a stereotype of a Congress member who does everything wrong yet retains his or her job, Frank is a good one.

The Boston Herald just discovered something interesting that should make challenger Sean Bielat’s job a heckuva lot easier.

On February 23, 2009, Rep. Frank announced that he would not accept any PAC donations from any TARP recipients (including their executives). Because that would be a clear conflict of interest, right?

Most noble. But yet he accepted $22,000 from Bank of America, a notable TARP recipient.

Oh, and $10,000 from Bank of New York Mellon Corporation, another TARP recipient.

And $2,000 from Financial Services Roundtable, a PAC composed of Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, and Wells Fargo (all TARP recipients).

Plus $1,000 from US Bancorp, a TARP recipient.

And another $5,000 from other TARP recipients, grand totalling $40,000 for his campaign.

Well, you know, said a Frank spokesperson, he meant he would decline only the top 10 donations but it would be okay to keep the rest...although so far he seems to have kept those top 10 ones, too. Unless, of course, there were even larger donations we know nothing about yet. Are those not in the top 10? Yes, it seems, but what Rep. Frank meant was that he would be okay to receive money provided the donor has repaid its debts.

So when he said he would not accept any money whatsoever from TARP recipients or their executives, what this clearly implied is that he will not accept money unless they repay their loans, or, if they do not, he will eventually return the top ten largest donations but pocket the rest—for those of you not up on your higher level financial terminology like Rep. Frank, who sometimes forgets how little you all know about finance.

Thank goodness he cleared that up subtlety of financial terminology, or we might think he was a money-grabbing jackass hypocrite. Not like that Sean Bielat: “Mr. Bielat’s eagerness to serve as the agent of those wealthy Wall Streeters who seek to undo the financial reform bill explains why this race has become so expensive and why it is so important in order to prevent another economic crisis.” See? Bielat is in the pocket of wealthy Wall Streeters!

Like Bank of America. Or New York Mellon. Or JP Morgan Chase. Or Wells Fargo. Or US Bancorp. Here is another bit of financial terminology you should know: Busted.

As A Karate Expert ...

Your Gormogons met in plenary session in the rumpus room last evening to debate and decide a pressing issue: whether to waive the well-known Rule of Three. That is, a joke should be retired from The Gormogons' lexicon after three uses.

The debate was fast and furious, and Dat Ho had a difficult time recording minutes, mostly due to the fact that Mandarin kept disassembling and reassembling Dat Ho in whimsical fashion, using his Antient Farr Easte Magick (TM).

'Puter did manage to save the portion of the minutes containing the approved resolution, which mercifully omits all discussion of sandblasting the Castle's mineral baths because of the unidentified substances adhering to the walls after 'Puter's Come As You Are Hottub Party. If you didn't get your invitation, it must have been lost in the mail. Really. 'Puter totally invited you.

Here's the text:

At a meeting of The Gormogons held 13 Cheshvan 5771 in The Castle, County of Montogmery, State of Bliss, the Gormogons governing body, the Assembled Multitude, took the following action on unanimous consent:

WHEREAS, the Rule of Three is mandated by the Codex Gormogonicum, to be followed upon pain of expulsion; and

WHEREAS, 'Puter Gormogon has moved the Assembled Multitude to amend the Rule of Three to permit him to continue using "as a karate expert" at odd and random times during his ramblings; and

WHEREAS, Czar finds the meme so danged funny he routinely loses bladder control, not otherwise induced by drunkenness or anti-malarial drugs; and

WHEREAS, Jimmy McMillen, head of the Rent Is Too Damned High Party has the baddest-ass facial hair Your Volgi has seen in the last millenium (excepting his, of course); and

WHEREAS, Mandarin was too distracted by disassembling and reassembling Dat Ho to care about the business before the Assembled Multitude; and

WHEREAS, GorT stated in response to the request 01001011 01100001 01010010 01100001 01010100 01100101 00100000 01000101 01111000 01010000 01100101 01010010 01110100; and

WHEREAS, 'Puter argued that Jesus Himself was a founding member of The Rent Is Too Damned High Party as a result of his parents being refused service at the Inn and his resultant birth in a manger, because THE RENT WAS TOO DAMNED HIGH; and

WHEREAS, Your Volgi, who masqueraded as Kaspar and was therefore present shortly after Our Lord's birth provided eyewitness confirmation of 'Puter's assertion; and

WHEREAS, 'Puter provided the Assembled Multitude photographic proof that Jesus Himself was in fact a karate expert (provided above);

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT:

RESOLVED, that the Assembled Multitude hereby amends the Codex Gormogonicum to permit 'Puter to utilize the meme "as a karate expert" in a manner that would otherwise violate the Rule of Three.

The remainder of the text was lost to history because of the unfortunate fire started when Czar spilled his curacao and kerosene on Mandarin's joss stick embers.

So, look forward to the continuation, albeit with discretion, of the "as a karate expert" meme.

Your Royal Highness

Well, David Zucker’s still got the mojo. Here is his brilliant political ad against Senator Barbara Boxer.



The Czar loved it.

4,000

Your Gormogons have been benevolently sharing their wisdom and truth with the world for slightly over two years.

And this is our 4,000 post. Please stick around for another 4,000 or so. We promise to do better. Or Sleestak and Dat Ho get it.

Compare and Contrast, Episode II

Let's have a little fun playing compare and contrast:

1. Black employee makes statement described as racist. Employer takes quote out of context, goes off half-cocked, fires said employee without permitting employee an opportunity to explain. Employer realizes manifest error when a review of the videotape exposes it for all to see. Employer eats crow and offers to rehire employee.

2. Black employee makes statement described as racist. Employer takes quote out of context, goes off half-cocked, fires said employee without permitting employee an opportunity to explain. Employer refuses to recognize manifest error when a review of the videotape exposes it for all to see. Employer tells employee to go to Hell.

The employee in the first instance is Shirley Sherrod, fired earlier this year in the infamous USDA debacle.

The second employee is Juan Williams, kicked to the curb by uber-liberal NPR last night.

The only difference between these two situations? Sherrod is a doctinaire liberal, while Williams has a soft spot for conservatives.

As both USDA and NPR are government supported, 'Puter respectfully requests White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs explain the different results in the two fact patterns.

Hell, 'Puter demands a beer summit!

7:1 Is Not the Worst Obama Has Done

So the President is maintaining his foreign policy status quo. By that, he will enrage 1.14 billion people in order to attempt to appease 167 million people. Actually a 7:1 enraged-to-unimpressed ratio is better than he does on most days.

What the Czar references is the POTUS’s upcoming trip to Pakistan. You see, he has to go, because frankly Pakistan does not like us all that much. And we have to make them happy.

Of course, such a trip is certain to enrage India, the more powerful neighbor to the Southeast, even though the President intends to make a trip to India to foster relations there, as well. India, as you know, has a long-standing hatred of all things Paki stemming back to their explosive split back in the late 1940s. This has been sustained in nearly every decade since, ranging from the Mumbai terrorist acts in the last decade, the nuclear arms race in the 1990s, and so on. In fact, Indian media are already panning the visit, promising it will (or should) set back US-Indian relations back to 1970s levels.

Why the 1970s? This goes back to the Indian-Pakistani War—and that is what this is all about.

India understands that the US is engaged in Afghanistan, and doubtless the Indians support elimination of the Taliban from anywhere they fester. They further understand that the President needs to impress Pakistan to stay in the game despite the strange affection that Pakistan has toward America: an odd blend of ambivalence, dependence, and distaste.

But what ticks them off most is the American courtesy being extended to China. China supported Pakistan in the 1971 war; the USSR supported India (and eventually Bangladesh). The US, caught without a friend, took Pakistan’s side. And India as a result tends to view America with distrust, just as they view the Chinese with a venomous rivalry.

So when the US whores its financial future to China, lets China run rampant all over the Pacific Ocean, and issues joint statements that allow China greater diplomatic power in South Asia, and then elects to visit Pakistan? Well, that’s too much conspiracy for the Indians.

In nearly all respects, the situation does not point that way. Obama needs to remind Pakistan that we share a common problem to the North, and he is making overtures to the South. But what he really needs to do to cool the Indian government down is take a strong, protective position against China, and reassure the Indians that the US is not going to allow China any further bullying or provocation in their waters.

But he won’t, will he?

Tragically Stupid People

CNN Headline: "Where Vaccine Doubt Persists"

As a karate expert, 'Puter knows that this, if a question at all, is rhetorical. 'Puter, however, has ready answers (short and long form).

Short answer: In the mind of morons.

Longer answer: In the minds of parents willing to gamble with the lives of their children (and those of whom they come into contact) to prove a proposition that has been conclusively disproven by science.

'Puter feels the need to state his position on anti-vaccination activists again. Your fetishism is a quasi-faith, not based in fact or factual inquiry, but in your fervently held belief that you alone know better than generations of doctors and research scientists. Your scientifically disproven belief system endangers not only your own family, but every individual you selfish bastards come into contact with. You are modern geocentrists [ed. -- 'Puter originally had heliocentrists here due to too much midmorning Benedictine & Bismol. His large point stands.], convinced of the correctness of your position, yet demonstrably, provably wrong. Tragically wrong.

You should be shunned in polite company, and excluded from all public and government places, as you are a walking, breathing public health risk. Your unvaccinated kids should not attend school. Private businesses should be free to bar you from entry. You should not receive any government benefits. Your children should be removed from your home as refusal to vaccinate is prima facie evidence of neglect, as it endangers their lives. 'Puter is in favor of making your lives so frikkin' miserable you rethink your position and vaccinate.

You can whine and bitch and moan all you want about your "right" not to be vaccinate, but 'Puter calls bullshit. You have no right to endanger 'Puter's life, or those of 'Puter's family. Your right to freely do as you will ends the moment you interfere with someone else's basic right, such as the right to live. You are modern Luddites, destroying life-saving herd immunity through your selfish acts. You are beneath 'Puter's contempt.

There are those out there who think 'Puter is overreacting. Oh yeah? Check these pictures out if you have a strong stomach. Smallpox. Polio. Diptheria. Whooping cough (above, right). Tetanus. Hepatitis. Need 'Puter go on? Each of these is entirely preventable through a cheap, safe and effective vaccine.

The only exception to 'Puter venomous hatred are those who cannot be vaccinated for legitimate reasons (i.e., those with life threatening allergies, compromised immune systems, etc.). In fact, it is for these people that we owe a duty to be vaccinated and to have those for whom we are responsible vaccinated. Have we as a society lost sight of the quaint "duty to others" concept?

Refusal to vaccinate, when such vaccinations are required and free, is morally reprehensible, and, within Castle jurisdiction, punishable by death. Death by one of the diseases you refuse to vaccinate against.

Day of Mourning

As a karate expert, 'Puter has ordered the courtyard flag flown at half-staff today, in honor of the passing of Bob Guccione.

Mr. Guccione, aged 79, instilled in young men a love of reading, primarily through his production of high quality bathroom reading material. The Castle's librarian Miss Bookbinder has painstakingly assembled a complete collection of Mr. Guccione's life work. Unfortunately for visitors, Sleestak and Dat Ho currently have all items checked out in perpetuity.

Join 'Puter and the Czar down at the Leaping Peacock for a memorial service this evening. Attire is business naked.

NPR Supports Political Correctness Jihad

As a karate expert, 'Puter would like to state that NPR is a perfect illustration of political correctness run amok. Aiding and abetting NPR in its fundamentalist jihad are leading "news" organizations such as the Washington Post and the New York Times.

NPR fired long time correspondent Juan Williams last night. NPR states that Mr. Williams' comments on the The O'Reilly Factor were "inconsistent with our editorial standards and practices, and undermined his credibility as a news analyst with NPR." For reference, these must be the same editorial standards that permit hiring (alleged) plagiarist Nina Totenberg. Mr. Williams must have said something truly offensive, like advocating for a new Holocaust or calling the differently abled sub-human, right?

Wrong. Mr. Williams' firing offense was to state, in the context of rebutting Bill O'Reilly's screed, that he, too, sometimes gets nervous when around Muslims, and that feeling that way is a rational reaction to the current Islamist terrorist siege. Mr. Williams went on to say, that while feeling that way is rational, it is no reason to paint all Muslims, or an entire Muslim nation as terrorist. What a horrible thought crime! How dare Mr. Williams give voice to a perfectly apt description of millions of law abiding, pro-tolerance Americans' state of mind.

The Washington Post and the New York Times both run stories today (linked above) on the firing. Neither of the articles make any mention of the context of Mr. Williams' statement. That is, the "journalists" conveniently omit the second half of Mr. Williams' statement that put the first half in context. Mainstream news organizations have devolved into propaganda arms bent on protecting the system our so-called elites have set up to make themselves feel better about contributing nothing of value to our society or culture. If you dare cross a self-proclaimed elite, or question elitists' most cherished beliefs, the elite dominated media will destroy you. Mr. Williams' failure to worship the golden calf of political correctness earned him a trip to the unemployment line.

'Puter believes that NPR has long been looking for an excuse to fire Mr. Williams. It's been whispered around teh intarwebs that Mr. Williams' coworkers at NPR hated the fact that he moonlighted at Fox News. This non issue happened to be a convenient excuse to get rid of a fair, open minded reporter, one that NPR's leftie listeners would readily accept.

Mr. Williams' firing illustrates the truth of Justice Clarence Thomas' words 'Puter quoted yesterday:

And from my standpoint, as a black American, it is a high-tech lynching for uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree.

If you substitute "an angry, out of touch, allegedly elite, liberal media" for "a committee of the U.S. Senate, it's spot on.

And, Mr. Williams, please contact Sleestak to set up an interview. The Gormogons would love to have you on staff. We have a generous pay package that includes all the absinthe you can drink, and a top flight health care page including the services of Royal Physician Dr. J.

Missed It By That Much

From Slashdot and Got Geoint:

Fast Company reports that Massachusetts Superior Court Judge Margaret Hinkle will soon issue a decision on an intellectual property-related lawsuit that could ground the CIA's Predator drones. Intelligent Integration Systems (IISi) alleges that their Geospatial Toolkit and Extended SQL Toolkit were pirated by Massachusetts-based Netezza for use by a government client and is seeking an injunction that would halt the use of their two toolkits by Netezza for three years. The dispute goes back to when Netezza and IISi were former partners in a contract to develop software that would be used, among other purposes, for unmanned drones. IISi's suit claims that both the software package used by the CIA and the Netezza Spatial product were built using their intellectual property and according to statements made by IISi CEO Paul Davis, a favorable ruling in the injunction would revoke the CIA's license to use Geospatial. If IISi prevails in court this would either force the CIA to ground Predator drones or to break the law in their use of the pirated software. But there's more. Testimony given by an IISi executive to the court indicates that Netezza illegally and hastily reverse-engineered IISi's code to deliver a faulty version that could cause predator drones to miss their targets by as much as 40 feet.

Seriously?!?   It's not like the CIA is CONTROL and we're hunting KAOS. 

Obama Omits Creator From Quote Again

Barack Obama, Monday night at a dinner in Maryland:

It has to do with this idea that was started by 13 colonies that decided to throw off the yoke of an empire, and said, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that each of us are endowed with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

See what is missing from this official White House transcript?

The first time the President edited the Declaration of Independence to omit any reference to God, one could reason that it was a misquote, a slip, or bad copy editing on the TelePromTer.

Not this time. We now accept that the President is intentionally removing the concept of God from his quotes. There is no other explanation, unless he is prone to making the same bizarre mistake twice in the same way in the same context.

This isn’t a case of judicious preference: a President who opts to say “Bless America,” and not “God bless America,” may draw little real attention, and more than a person who says “Happy holidays,” as opposed to “Merry Christmas.”

This however is a specific quote from a specific document. You don’t make an edit like this unless it reflects something specific. You can already guess why he is doing it: he does not believe that inalienable rights come from God. They are merely on loan from the government.

Dr. J provides conclusive proof of global warming

Yetis are apparently going into the citrus-fruit business.

How to Answer the Evolution v Creation Question

Whether you’re Delaware senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell or Illinois gubernatorial candidate Bill Brady, you need to learn to STFU on creationism vs. evolutionism.

First off, it isn’t even a debate—creationists cannot engage in a logical rational debate on any matter of faith. That’s rather a key element of faith—you can discuss facts and observations, but pretty soon your facts and observations will run out and you need to depend on belief and conviction. Faith exists independent of fact, and fact exists regardless of faith This not only why the Pope, for example, insists that science and faith must be reconciled (truth is truth), but also why guys like ‘Puter get annoyed with worshippers on the other end of this opinion...folks that think that any matter of logic and reason can be simply wished away as faith and belief, and that facts do not matter. Facts do matter. But you cannot confuse them with faith.

Second, the whole question so often asked of candidates (which, let’s be honest, comes down to “do you support evolution or creationism?”) is in many ways a false choice. Many religions have little trouble accepting the two as different sides of the same coin. Candidates are tricked into picking one over the other, when in reality, they very likely do not know the full spectrum of evolutionary theory, nor can they explain their core religious understanding of creation. This is, instead, a trick to polarize voters.

Voters who accept the reality of evolution will not suddenly vote for a candidate based on his or her appreciation for scientific reasoning. Some might, but the total for any candidate is probably less than seven. Likewise, a voter sitting on the fence is highly unlikely to switch his vote because a candidate believes in Genesis as a literal description of factual event. While the media like to reduce voter choices to identity politics (“I gotta vote for her, because although she will raise taxes, control guns, or outlaw my cigar smoking, she went to the same bible study class I did”), the real-life, human voter tends to vote for candidates based on a spectrum of political positions. And evolution vs. creationism will not, truth be told, ever be a tie-breaker.

Instead, your position statement will only serve as leverage against you, no matter which answer you give. If you state that evolution is a fact, it will be pointed out that (a) you believe in eugenics, (b) that Darwin believed racial superiority is the result of evolution, and that (c) there are facts about basic natural science that evolution cannot explain. All of which are wrong, by the way.

Similarly, if you support the Genesis-version of creation, you will be branded as someone who (a) believes the earth is only 5,000 years old, (b) is stupid, and (c) you wish to destroy scientific progress in schools. All of which are equally wrong.

The smart politician could take the approach of other smart politicians who have appeared in the last two years. When asked for your beliefs, glare at the questioner and say:

Our economy is in the hole. People are not working. Everything is shutting down out there, and you think the most important question in the world is whether I think the entire universe was created in six days, or whether a hippo might be related distantly to a whale. Is that what you worry about? Because I can introduce you to a family of six that is now on food stamps just because they can’t afford breakfast cereal in the morning. You can ask them what they think. Or you can ask my opponent, who can also introduce you to a different family of six who lost everything they worked hard for and now are moving in with their retired parents. This question is not important to people. It is only important to people who are looking to bad-mouth candidates for one reason or another because they have nothing else to hate. How about this: I believe in the creation of jobs, and I believe in evolving the economy past the mess we have today. And that’s what voters need to worry about, not stuff better argued out in college dorm rooms.

For that would be a very nice answer indeed. And politicians of either party are free to use this.

Tempest In A Teacup

By now you've surely head about that horrific woman Ginny Thomas (Mrs. Clarence Thomas) calling Anita Hill and requesting that Professor Hill apologize. Apologize for what? Let 'Puter take you back to his halcyon days in 1991 as a 1L at a prestigious Midwest university. (Seriously, who the heck thought 'Puter was smart enough to go to law school, let alone graduate and get licensed in three jurisdictions?).

President Bush (41) nominated Clarence Thomas to a position as Associate Justice on the Supreme Court. Liberals were outraged because Justice Thomas was: (a) Black; (b) conservative; (d) married to a white woman (Race traitor!); and (d) replacing liberal icon and civil rights hero Thurgood Marshall (for whom Justice Sotomayor clerked, but that's a tale for another day). All good liberals knew in their bleeding hearts that a Black man just couldn't be conservative, so they set out to destroy him in the Senate confirmation hearings.

And what a three ring circus the hearings were, complete with clowns of every stripe. The head clown was now Vice-President Joe Biden. Late in the hearings, an unnamed government employee leaked to NPR plagiarist Nina Totenberg a confidential memorandum alleging that Justice Thomas sexually harassed Professor Hill while he was her boss at the EEOC. Ah, 'Puter recalls the glee in Ms. Totenberg's voice as she and her allies in the Leftie media smeared Justice Thomas with Professor Hill's unsupported and confidential allegations.

'Puter listened to much of the Senate confirmation hearings on NPR, as he had no television. ('Puter's listening was interrupted once by the shooting death of a man in the street in front of his apartment at 4:00 in the afternoon. Seriously.). 'Puter recalls thinking at the time that a man was being smeared with no regard for proof because his very existence offended his liberal Torquemadas. In hindsight, 'Puter now thinks the Democrats and media's abhorrent behavior in the Thomas hearings was a significant catalyst (unrecognized to date) in the Republicans' 1994 shocking landslide victory.

Now that we have our history lesson out of the way, we can move on to 'Puter's thoughts on Mrs. Thomas' call to Professor Hill.

1. Mrs. Thomas is stupid for resurrecting a divisive issue, even in private, after nearly 20 years. What possible good could come of the call? Did she honestly expect Professor Hill to recant? Seriously?

2. Never, ever leave a voice mail or take a picture of information or events that you do not want public. 'Puter has not yet lived down the unfortunate incident in which he inadvertently discharged Mandarin's pocket Tesla coil inside the Leaping Peacock. Czar helpfully filmed the entire episode using GorT's on board 1 googlebyte holographic recorder. 'Puter still has not lived the incident down.

3. Mrs. Thomas seems increasingly erratic in her behavior of late.

4. Professor Hill seems nothing more than a pitiable publicity hound for releasing the contents of a private phone call. What possible good, other than self-aggrandizement, could come of her acts?

5. Professor Hill's irresponsible behavior in releasing the phone call damages her credibility. It lends credence to the widely held belief that she fabricated her charge against Justice Thomas in the first instance.

6. What is the possible news value of this? Does anyone really think Professor Hill is ever going to apologize for her sexual harassment allegations, assuming the allegations were falsely made? To do so would destroy her career. Does anyone really believe Mrs. Thomas thought or thinks that her husband sexually harassed Professor Hill? This is an irrelevant sideshow.

'Puter's theory is that the media chooses to resurrect this issue, 20 years after the fact, to remind themselves and other liberals of the zenith of their power. It is an attempt to distract liberals from the fiasco they have recently created, the electorate's wholesale rejection of liberalism and their looming electoral thumping.

See how good we were back then! We totally had a "high-tech lynching for uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas, and it is a message that unless you kowtow to an old order, this is what will happen to you. You will be lynched, destroyed, caricatured by a committee of the U.S. Senate rather than hung from a tree." Man, weren't we great then?

Pathetic.