Liberals Just Can't Figure Out The Tea Party

The Czar has received a fair amount of mail supporting his supposition that liberals need to identify with a group or follow someone who is in charge of a group. It is, of course, basic identity politics.

And it bears repeating that this is what blows their minds about conservatives. Conservatives, you see, are made up of all different people of all different backgrounds. We basically are interested in different things, but understand pretty well why someone different from us might want something different. Which, by the way, is why conservatives understand liberal wants pretty darn well.

The opposite is not, of course, true. Liberals rarely understand why conservatives act and think they way they do.

And the press delivers us two examples of this.

First is the New York Times’s Frank Rich, writing an Op-Ed. In the Czar’s day, op-ed was short for “opposite the editor,” which presented a different viewpoint from what the editors believe. The Czar has recently learned that the NYT has redefined this in the last few years to mean “opinion editorial.” Which means that Frank Rich can write the same weird fantasies that the rest of the editors believe, except he actually calls it opinion. Whatever.

Anyway, Mr. Rich has a piece that describes how rich sugar daddies are bankrolling the Tea Party. No, he does not mention that the Tea Party is a grassroots movement that gathered momentum; in his worldview, some powerful individuals must be behind the Tea Party, because that is exactly how the liberal groups work. Folks like George Soros and Warren Buffet, who write massive checks to anyone that supports the leftist game plan. Liberals have them, so the Tea Party must have them, too.

Yes, there are some very wealthy folks helping to finance the Tea Party’s functions. But he fails to ask the obvious question: so what? This invalidates the message? This is different from what the liberals are doing? How so? In other words, Mr. Rich feels he has got something on the Tea Party at long last. He doesn’t know what that is, yet, but he’ll think of something. After all, this probably proves the Tea Party is made up only of rich, white, racist guys. That’s the identity group, right? Meanwhile, the Tea Party has added another million supporters this weekend. How does his readership compare in total numbers? Mmm. Not that well.

Second, we have a few news stories bubbling up about Sarah Palin’s upcoming visit to Iowa. A typical opinion piece like the one in the Washington Post supposes the possibility that Ms. Palin may not announce a run for the presidency in 2012. Why? Has anyone suggested she would, outside of liberal editorial writers?

The Czar would be quite surprised if Sarah Palin announced her plan to run for president in 2012 in Iowa. Or ever, anywhere. She has done little of the necessary prep work to do so, she has proven more effective at stumping for other candidates, and the bottom line is that it is way too early to do so. The election isn’t for two years—why burn through Republican campaign money and promotional oportunities when the President is doing a fine job bolstering support for a GOP president in 2012 for them?

The answer is simple: only the news media is speculating that Palin will announce her intention to run in September, and that’s because they need her to. The lefty J-school newsies are itching to turn on their HatePalinators again. Why? Because she must be the head of the Tea Party. This notion that the Tea Party has no single, dominant, authoritative leader telling its members what to do and think is preposterous to them. If Palin announces her run, why then, they were right all along in suspecting her to be The One. Who else could it be? The science clearly shows that Palin is in charge of the Tea Party.

Or else Glenn Beck is. Somebody must be. Could be him.

It frosts the liberals that conservatives, Tea Partiers or not, think pretty much for themselves. In order to figure out the Tea Party, liberals struggle to pinpoint into which particular demographic Tea Partiers fall—you know, the way all gay people think and act the same way, the way all Hispanics act and think the same way, and the way all 42-year-old Lebanese women all act and think the same way. Maybe Frank Rich is right that they do what their rich, white, racist overlords tell them because that’s who Tea Partiers are.

And as soon as they figure that out, they can be one step closer to figuring out exactly how it is that Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck...although it used to be Rush Limbaugh...well, exactly how the three of them share power. Really, who reports to whom there? Gosh, conservatives are so tough to figure out, aren’t they?

The Paula Abdul Theory of Foreign Policy

Uncharitably speaking, this is what might be called the Paula Abdul theory of foreign policy, after the famously forgiving former judge on American Idol. Never mind that you can't sing, or that you're letting yourself be played for a sucker: What counts is that you feel good about yourself, presumably because you're doing something good. Another name for this kind of thinking is moral narcissism.

—Bret Stephens, WSJ.

The Founders Wanted a Document to Protect ALL of Us

The Czar resists discussions of religion for very complex reasons. However, sometimes enough becomes, well, enough. And he is forced to render a final opinion.

A persistent question lingers (which is what persistent questions do) regarding the religious intent of our Founding Fathers. You have seen this how many times: Was America founded as a Christian nation?

Reading the back-and-forth of the opinions as well as the equally inane commentators on both sides, it’s pretty clear the argument falls into two (predictable) camps: yes, the Founding Fathers were all Christians and expected America to be as well, and no, the separation of Church and State prohibits this idea.

All right, the Czar is forced to say it: the facts are irrelevant in the case. Yes, the Founding Fathers were a mix of people, mostly Christian. And yes, they borrowed heavily from the Christian theology of the time and baked a lot of this into the document. And yes, they were heavily concerned about one religion dominating another toward ill-will. Both sides have got it right, which is why the facts do not matter.

Because here is what matters: it does not matter. Confused? Follow along—the Constitution is a remarkable document that stands apart from any one religion. In fact, the Czar challenges, you would be hard-pressed to find a major religion in the world today that can point to any part of the Constitution (or the Declaration of Independence, for that matter) and say “This conflicts.” Heck, the very writing of both documents meets a Confucian model of good government. And Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Shintoists, Jainists, Sikhs, Hindus, and more can look at the document and say “This is really good.”

Indeed, if you found some lost tribe of Israel wandering around, who had no contact with civilization for the last 600 years, translated the Constitution word for word for them, they would say “That's really good; I would want to live there.” And if you told them the authors were Jewish, they would agree they probably must have been. Find a Lamaist temple up in the Himalayas that had been forgotten for centuries; show the monks a Tibetan-language copy of the Constitution and suggest it had been written by Theravadists, and they would declare it truly enlightened.

Neither side of this debate can deny this, in faith. Instead, there are two unter-arguments at work here. One side (you can guess which) is really trying to further the idea that Šarīʿa law must be rejected in the United States because it conflicts with Christian principles. And yeah, it does. But Šarīʿa (contrary to what a lot of frightened right-wing folks believe) is going to be incredibly difficult to enact and enforce in this country for a variety of common sense reasons. Trying to dispell concerns that Šarīʿa will gain no ground because the Constitution is a Christian document is a non sequitur. Simply, Šarīʿa will not take hold here for the same reasons that a free-spirited republic of innovative do-it-yourselfers like we are do not tolerate vigilanteeism.

And the other side (you can guess which even more easily) is using this argument to further the idea that faith plays no role in law, and that the Founding Fathers intended us to be secular across the board. This argument is attempting to suppress religion entirely. And this is equally wrong, because the Constitution by intent or luck embraces all practical religions. The idea that it accepts no religion is just as fallacious as the notion it embraces only one. Trust us: if the Constitution only tolerated Christianity, non-Christians would not bother to come here by the millions from their homelands.

But they do, and it is because they realize something that a lot of Americans apparently do not: there is freedom of religion in our country, and no matter what faith a person is, he will fight very hard for you to worship whatever your faith is.

But Czar: that isn’t the core of the argument at all! All right, then—but be honest: what is? Quibbling over little-endian/big-endian arguments like this misses the big picture: isn’t it great that we live in a country where you can even wonder what the religious preference of the Constitution might be?

Rubinesque

Two great pieces at Commentary for you to read.

First, Jennifer Rubin very correctly assesses the weird world liberals occupy, making two salient points the Czar has often made: (1) conservatives understand liberals very well whereas liberals cannot comprehend conservatives, and (2) it’s actually liberals who live in a very small-minded, identity-driven collective, and conservatives tend to have a wider variety of friends and acquaintances.

If that cheers you up, her whole post will delight.

Also, Jennifer Rubin tells you what you already knew: Obama hates being in the military. Commander-in-chief? Not his thing. But read why, and read how it got this way, and as tough as that is for him, how tough it’s going to get in November. Excellent writing.

CASTLE GORMOGON ALERT

SLEESTAK REPORTS GHETTOPUTER HAS BROKEN INTO THE MOTOR POOL. LAST SEEN TRAVELLING EASTBOUND ON I-675 NEAR MIAMI, OHIO.



The guy lived.

You’ve never seen 1922 like this

Background here.

Thanks, Mike Russell.

Wow. Nice Work, Glenn.

You know what’s interesting?

If you took the entire voluntary viewing audience of MSNBC, CNN, ABC News, CBS News, and NBC News, added in the regular reading population of the Daily Kos and HuffPo, threw in the dedicated readers of The New York Times, popped in the cheering viewers of The Daily Show and all the employees of ACORN, you might have a crowd half this big:



Update: Hey, so how did Sharpton’s gathering compare?

Gormoney: That's What I Want

Dread lords,

I stumbled on this today and spit out my elixir vitae...

http://dowlingduncan.com/dowling-duncan-redesign-us-bank-notes/

and then linked to

http://richardsmith.posterous.com/tag/dollarredeign

The idea of redesigning our money to look like Euro-monopoly money, and putting the face of SAT reading comprehension section favorite and erstwhile communist Cesar Chavez on the double sawbuck is obscene.

Putting President Obama on a bill is part of Michelle's reboot of America.

Therefore, I am throwing down the gauntlet:

I would like to see submitted Gormogon Gormoney!

Best,

Dr. J

The Gormogons are always up to a challenge, especially if we can subtly affect world affairs by doing so. Dr. J presents us with an irresistable challenge: control the world reserve currency!

With that in mind, a couple of reminders to our readers: this is not an official Treasury Department exercise; instead, it is a doofus artistic Zima-sipper putting a challenge out there to anyone with two seconds of Photoshop experience. It is purely for fun, not for consideration. The second reminder: naturally, a lot of these fleabags are liberals who naturally would love to endorse their Progressive heroes. Some of the right-wing bill designs are actually quite nice and universal, so check out the entries. And some guys have excellent ideas for helping those with impaired vision.

But here are the winning entries (click to enlarge):

“Liberals think they understand everything.”

Penn Jillette with a fine anecdote—liberally seasoned with profanity, as is his wont. But dead-f—ing-on. You know how we feel about Smart People®.

Fr. Geo. Rutler on liturgy and change

Publicly owned corporations are more accountable to their shareholders than tenured bureaucracies, which may explain why it took the Ford Motor Company only two years to cancel its Edsel, and not much longer for Coca Cola to restore its “classic” brand, while the Catholic Church has taken more than a generation of unstopped attrition to try to correct the mistakes of overheated liturgists.

If that sounds like the kind of thing you’ll like, you’ll like this.

Oh Stewardess, I Speak Jive...

The Washington Times has this article discussing a DEA memo regarding their potential need for Ebonics translators.

Hey, here is fun idea, why don’t we actually teach children English in schools. Now I’m sure that we would have to get the various teachers’ unions out there to make some concessions, or rather have the tax payers fork out more money to support these new innovative language courses that would teach children how to speak English. Although these English classes may need to be an afterschool activity as to ensure that they do not interfere with the indoctrination of our children into the ways of progressive political thought, combating climate change, and exploring the myriad of sexual experiences available to them, it may be worth the effort required.

In reality though this story is really just another example of how the teachers’ union, Democratic politicians, Progressive/Leftist policies, and the race pimps have victimized the African-American community and created a sub-class of citizens. And this problem extends to immigrant communities also. Without a mastery of, let alone a basic understanding of English, these groups will remain isolated and out of step with the rest of the citizens of this country. The only way to have these groups truly assimilate into society is to get them to speak English. But then again this goes against the politically correct liberal mantra that all cultures are equal. The reality though is that this moral relativism is not only wrong, but will lead to the transformation of the country from the 1st world power it is today to a 3rd world wayside.

Axle of Evil...

Your Mandarin, being an aficionado of cars enjoys reading Car and Driver Magazine. During a recent perusal of their web site, your Mandarin happened upon this article written by Justin Berkowitz that discusses the history of the North Korean automobile industry.

Now the thought of a thriving North Korean automobile industry is ludicrous, seeing as how the citizens of this socialist utopia and otherwise gleaming example of the workers’ paradise don’t have electricity to their homes or access to gasoline. And hell, where exactly are the citizens going to drive to, the supermarket, the local Sonic, the South?

Your Mandarin suspects that these cars are nothing more than the government’s attempt to put a happy face on an otherwise dismal excuse for a country. Your Mandarin further suspects that many of these cars are really little Potemkin villages on wheels, and if one were to lift the hood, they would find that there was no engine, only a hole where one would stick their feet to propel the car a la Fred Flintstone.

EPA Wants to Ban Lead In Bullets (UPDATED!)

Well, the Czar does not believe that this will “seal the fate of Democrats” in November, but he does agree that a proposed EPA ban on lead bullets is beyond asinine.

Today, many shooting ranges prohibit the use of lead bullets. Why? To protect the environment! Except that they generally do not trust you to bring in your own correct ammunition, and thereby sell you the non-lead ammunition you are supposed to use. And yes, it is ridiculously expensive, and even a casual shooter can spot that they are inexpensive reloads...made by the guys at the range and marked up several times their true value or more.

A buddy of the Czar and Mandarin once had a great idea. He bought a box from the range, used it, and then kept the box. He then bought his own lead-based ammunition for a fraction of the cost, and stuffed the bullets into the dummy box. He also brought along a few fistfuls of his caliber in his gym bag. When he used up the box, he reached into the gym bag and restocked his dummy box. Anytime the range master strolled by, he had an open box of their bullets on display.

This is worse, because you just can’t restock with lead bullets. You would not even be able to get them. And the Czar is not sure what the deal is. Lead is toxic if ingested. Now, you don’ eat bullets, but allegedly small little critters like fish do. And then you get poisoned when you eat the fish. How often do fish eat bullets? Well, really, never. And lots of lead bullets will eventually poison the ground and pass on lead toxins to anyone who eats a salad or carrot grown there. Okay, so who plants vegetables on an outdoor shooting range? Yes, there are many ways the lead in bullets can theoretically be passed into humans; but they never happen in reality.

Do not be fooled. The lead in bullets will never be traced to any human disease. There is no reason to ban the lead in bullets except as a very obvious form of gun control. Do the math: no lead bullets means more expensive alternatives like copper. Those costs get passed onto the consumer, discouraging people from purchasing weapons.

The only time the lead in the Czar’s bullets will harm someone, of course, is when they make skin contact at 900 feet per second.

UPDATE: Nope! The EPA obeys the Czar and drops the request.

More Liberal Cognitive Dissonance

As you probably know (or ought to), TV/radio showman Glenn Beck is sponsoring an event on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial this weekend, in which he purports to feature speakers covering topics such as faith, the military, and respect for the country. Ostensibly, he wants to foment a rebirth of patriotic pride; however, the Czar thinks there is still plenty of that in the country. More likely, he is attempting to lay down the groundwork for the next Reagan-like candidate, or at least set the expectations for how a Republican candidate should act running up to 2012.

What is far more interesting to us is the media’s response. In an almost obscene fashion, many news outlets are falling over themselves trying to paint this event in different ways. Sure, some are taking a “wait and see what it becomes”-approach, which is the right path. Some appear to be taking that approach—but the Czar reads words very carefully to see what is stressed.

In skimming about twenty news articles on the upcoming event, the Czar noticed some interesting elements from more liberal outlets.

Frequent comments about Tea Party followers top the list. To the best of our royal knowledge, Mr. Beck is not linking this to any Tea Party events. Indeed, we recall him advocating everyone to leave the signs, costumes, and soapboxes at home: he does not want this to be an overtly political event because, he previously claimed, he is attempting to lure otherwise-non-Tea Party folks to hear the conservative message. However, as a necessary crowd pleaser, Mr. Beck has invited Sarah Palin to speak. As a result, the media understands that Palin = Tea Party, and so therefore this has, for them, become a Tea Party event.

Another curious item to watch is the number of expected attendees. As with any other conservative event, numbers vary. “Thousands are expected to attend” appears in one story, while “tens of thousands” shows up in another. Another story, more neutral to Beck, suggests “more than 100,000.” The Czar will be interested to see who was closer. The Czar’s own prediction does not matter: it could well be a quarter-million or more, from non-aligned media reports we are seeing. But consider this: even if 300,000 people show for this, let us see how that number gets reported after the event. The Big G got in some warm water here for the 9/12 event a year back, in which we were slipped a mickey photo that tricked our complex crowd estimation tool. As you remember, no one has yet to admit the real number of attendees there, although media outlets gave widely varying estimates that shared one thing in common: they were astonishingly low for the probable attendence.

You must remember that most liberals need identity politics to comprehend anything. You either belong to a group with inherently genetic issues, or you follow a leader. Nothing else exists. Third, a good number of news stories are playing up (you guessed it) the Race Angle. This has become the red flashing light for most Americans as to the writer’s own political agenda. Al Sharpton, it is true, is planning to have a rally near the event. Stories are being written with words like “counter-protest,” (Beck is not holding a protest per se), that is “expected to clash” with the Beck event. Clash!?! As loopy as Sharpton can be at times, there is nothing in his history whatsoever that suggests he would promote or encourage violence at one of his own events. Two items being largely ignored: Alveda King, the neice of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is not only endorsing Beck’s event, she is going to be a featured speaker. That is not, evidently, sticking in any journalist’s craw? Second, Sharpton has not linked his gathering to Beck’s in any obvious way; nor has he spent much time or money preparing for the event. As a result, his will be sparsely attended. The media may attempt to make hay out of that (proof that most Americans are racists!), but the reason for the disparity is pure logistics.

In the Czar’s mind, which is spacious, the correct news report would simply report the nature of the event, avoiding any mention of Tea Parties, rallies, protests, or revolutions; further, they should either not mention Sharpton’s technically unrelated gathering to remember Dr. King’s speech, or mention it as a courtesy—but avoid painting a picture of it as a counter-protest. That’s grossly unfair to both events. And instead of playing an altered numbers game, simply describe it like “a tentpole event, with a rock-concert-like atmosphere.” That paints a better picture, especially when no one is sure how many people will attend this free, come-as-you-are event.

Yes, that is exactly what you would do, if you were writing the story. But you are a sensible person with a grasp of reality. So why is the media screwing this up so badly? Well, it should’nt have caught them by surprise: Beck has been promoting this event since probably 2009. Rather, four reasons add together.

1. It caught a lot of them by surprise because they do not actually listen to or read conservative media. Some of them probably noticed the stage being built and asked who was performing. “Glenn Beck is doing something this weekend.” And that is probably all they needed to hear to imagine the rest. “Ah, another racist Tea Party event. No doubt to dishonor Dr. King and his message of social justice.”

2. A lot of them are genuinely scared of this. 9/12 was way more popular than they expected, and many in the media were humiliated by the poor coverage, all of which backfired to make the 9/12 event more important than it really was meant to be. With Beck behind this one, there will be massive turnout, and the liberal media will see that they are very much in the minority. Hence, you will see downplayed numbers and attempts to pass this off as another routine Tea Party event, in hopes you stay home since there is nothing to see here, so please keep moving along.

3. You must remember that most liberals need identity politics to comprehend anything. You either belong to a group with inherently genetic issues, or you follow a leader. Nothing else exists. So the Tea Party, which has no centralized leader and cuts across all social classes, is a divide-by-zero concept for them. Clearly Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are the rich, white leaders of it, and this is a rally. Two things to remember about this: first, this is how most liberal groups operate: you either fit into a category (male, female, white, black, gay, straight, Christian, non-Christian) and therefore you must act and think a certain way, or you follow a charismatic leader who will take care of you all the way. Second, this concept results in some of the telling cognitive dissonance which perpetually pre-occupies their time. The fact that Alveda King is supporting Beck’s effort? Blank stare. That Sharpton’s gathering will feature only a couple hundred people versus Beck’s teeming horde? A hanging crash. Only possible answer: racism, Islamophobia, and homophobia. There.

4. There is a real possibility that Beck’s event could work. Progressivism managed to climb back to its feet under Barack Obama after languishing Darth Sidious-like for the last few decades, influencing legislation and entitlements. This was, and they knew it, the last hurrah of a bankrupt concept. And pretty much everything has been a disaster. Progressivism is back down to one knee, and a popular, patriotic, conservative event could be a mortal blow for them. And this one could be it. The Czar doubts this event will have much direct effect against Progressivism, but it will of course serve to bolster support for the Reagan renaissance. And if you are a progressive liberal, you already see the public attitude that tanked Carter is rising to the top again. This event, progressives believe, comes at a pretty freaking bad time.

The Czar will not be in attendence at either event, by the way.

The Many Faces of Eugene Robinson

August 24, 2010, on the Ground Zero Mosque: It's constitutional; therefore, you have no right to criticize it. Anyone who disagrees with me is a racist, bigoted Islamophobe. There can be no other possible explanation for opposition. In other words, STFU, bigots.

August 27, 2010, on Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor rally: It's constitutional; therefore, it is the ordained duty of Americans to criticize it. The rally is clearly a stealth attack on Martin Luther King. Anyone who disagrees with me is a racist, bigoted hero-hater. There can be no other explanation for Mr. Beck's rally. In other words, STFU, bigots.

'Puter's got several thoughts on Mr. Robinson's schizophrenia:

1. Mr. Robinson is living proof of Dr. Krauthammer's observation (interestingly published on the same page as Mr. Robinson's piece today) that the last refuge of a liberal on the losing side of an argument is to call his opponent racist.

2. Does no one edit the op-ed page at the Washington Post? How on God's green earth does an editor allow a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist to directly contradict himself within the space of three days? It's an absolute embarrassment and a sign of the decline of our once mighty, and relatively unbiased, press.

3. Mr. Robinson's dueling columns illustrate the liberal canard of a "living constitution." Liberals believe the Constitution means what it says when congruent with their values (e.g., free press), and can be rewritten at whim when incongruent (e.g., guns).

If there's a Pultizer Prize for beclowning one's self for a failing liberal ideology, Mr. Robinson's a shoe in this year.

Stabby McDrunky, Liberal Idiot

'Puter really can't improve much on Czar's rant on the drunk-liberal-New-York-film-student-stabs-anti-mosque-Muslim-cabbie-and-the-liberal-media-reflexively-blames-conservatives story. Instead, 'Puter wanted to focus on a legal aspect of the story.

New York has charged Michael Enright, the aforementioned liberal idiot, with "attempted [second degree] murder as a hate crime" for his drunken acts. See, New York Penal Code § 485.05, for those of you playing along at home.

'Puter's got no beef with the attempted murder part of the charge. After all, slitting someone's neck with a Leatherman seems to hit pretty much all the prima facie case requirements for attempted second degree murder. See, New York Penal Code §§ 110.00, 125.25. It's the hate crime portion that bugs 'Puter.

You're putting a man in jail for a longer time based on what he thinks, rather than what he does. See, New York Penal Code §485.10. Do a bigoted murderer's thoughts make a person more dead? Is a regular, non-hatey murderer's victim somehow less dead? If not, then there is no legitimate reason for the state to discriminate between the two.

New Yorkers are free to be bigots. There's no legitimate state interest in punishing bigotry. Once your bigotry crosses into criminal action, of course you should be punished. But for, and only for, your criminal acts, not for your inane bigotry. Of course society is free to, and often does, make bigots social pariahs on its own, which is exactly as it should be. There's no need for state-enforced thought police.

Then there's the problem of proof. How do you prove what was going through the murderer's head? Even New York's Forever Mayor, Mighty Mike Bloomberg, recognizes the fundamental problem:

Asked if he thought the attack was related to controversy over plans to build an Islamic cultural center and mosque near Ground Zero, Bloomberg said he didn't know. "I wasn't in the cab," said Bloomberg, "I don't know what was going through anybody's mind. Whether it was related to anything or not it was disgraceful."

In other words, the act itself is so heinous, motivation should not be an issue. Mr. Enright intended to slash a Muslim cabbie's throat, and did so, endangering the cabbie's life. Why Mr. Enright did so matters not.

Once we give the state the power to criminalize thought at all, it's a short trip to criminalizing other thought objectionable to our elected betters. And that's just not a world in which 'Puter wants to live.

Change!

President Obama was certainly correct when he stated his election would bring about the change we've all been waiting for.

Republicans now lead Democrats on 10 out of 10 key issues, according to Rasmussen.

Thanks, Mr. President. Without your assistance, it would have taken the Gormogons years longer to drag America to this point.

Earth, from Low Orbit: The Movie

Check this out. A time-lapse movie made by astronaut Don Pettit on the International Space Station.



You were in there briefly, for just a frame or two. Did you catch the aurora around 16 seconds in, and again at 26 seconds in? Glorious.

Hey, You Wanna Focus Here?

This is how it is, folks.

- Congress and the President are spending us into oblivion, which they will only cure either by taxing us to extremes or letting inflation run amok.

- The size of government has swelled to the point that they could readily control your doctor, your medicines, your retirement plan, your family structure, what jobs you can take and where you can live. And unions are turning overtly political in support of this.

- Iran has fired up their nuclear reactor, and can now manufacture an atomic bomb any day now. And they have an unmanned drone capable of delivering it into Israel or Saudi Arabia as they prefer.

- We are teetering in Afghanistan, and may lose that country to a new terrorist empire.

- Russia and China are establishing themselves as potential adversaries to a newer, scarier degree. We have abandoned our allies, who are looking elsewhere for help.

- We seem headed for another jobless summer, and the administration has clearly given up on any shot at recovery.

And you dumbasses want to sit around and debate whether the President is a muslim or a Christian? Really? That’s wat you decide to do? Perhaps when you are out of work and your family is starving, you can debate Godzilla versus Gamera. It might instead be nice if you started, maybe, coordinating. That is all.

Enjoy, Lads

No, it will make sense only to a few of you.

Not Enough Outrage? They'll Make Some More.

Seriously, if someone asks you how bad it is out there, show them this.

Guy gets into NY cab, asks cab driver if he is a muslim. When cabbie says he is, passenger slashes and stabs him nearly to death.

Naturally, the passenger is a liberal supporting the Ground Zero mosque. He evidently hoped to spark outrage against conservatives.

Think about it: some innocent guy gets stabbed because some liberal is losing an argument.

But that isn’t the only horror being perpetrated by those Islamaphobic right-wingers!

The Dove World Outreach Church is planning a “Burn the Quran” party on September 11th of this year. The DWOC, of course, is one of those right-wing churches in Gainesville, Florida.

Errr. Or not. Turns out, the DWOC ain’t a genuine church at all, but a for-profit business operating out of a church property. Nor are they right-wing folks. The business, which evidently somehow turns a profit, collects food for redistribution to low-income members for reasons of social justice. And, yeah, they coordinate activities with the Westboro folks, whom you know are staunch Democrats.

We predict the media will not cover either clarification.

And yeah, liberals have even taken to firebombing their own offices to get attention.

JAB Delivers A Right Cross

JAB nails this one perfectly.

Your Czarness,

As you doubtless know, I read the lofty writings emanating from the Castle every single, solitary day.

I also read Mr. Puter's postings. [Ba-dum-bump!—ed]

So naturally I read and committed to memory your recommended to-do-list for the President. In your rebuttal to CNN's "don't worry, be happy" blathering, Your Czarness pointed out that the President seems to hate his job. Of course you were correct, as behooves one of such exalted station. However, it really should come as no surprise. He is now about two years into the job, and he's never had to stick around much longer than that for any of his old "jobs." He went from Columbia to a brief stint in the private sector, then it was off to organize the community in Chicago. When it became apparent that the neighborhoods he was organizing, would not get with the plan and stay organized, then he headed back to the friendly confines of the Ivy League. After Harvard, which was great and all, he went back to Chicago where he got a job in a law firm and also a gig giving the occasional lecture to University of Chicago law students. Then he started running for office. Now, that one he has stuck with! But he didn't grind his way up the ladder to make partner at the law firm. And he was not tenure-track at the U of C, so he didn't have to worry about academia's tedious "publish or perish" rules. His record is not one of quiet determination and fortitude.

Of course, he doesn't like us. Why should he? He has no experiences in common with the unwashed masses. He's never had to stick it out in a crappy job with a jerk for a boss. He's never broken a sweat or had blisters on his hand as a result of actual work. Maybe at the gym, but certainly not on account of manual labor.

If we are not as sophisticated, erudite, and learned as he, surely, surely we ought to at least have the decency to recognize our inferiority, right? And yet most of us don't want to be like him. Which must be pretty near inconceivable. Weren't we supposed to already be transformed just like those "organized" Chicago neighborhoods? Ingrates....
And he's being blamed, sometimes unfairly, for lots of stuff. Things are not going the way he wants, but he's got to put up with this for another 2 years. So there he sits in a gilded cage of his own choosing. And he ain't too happy with the view.

yours from the doublewide, JAB



Courtesy Borepatch.

Doofus

Alaska incumbent Lisa Murkowski appears to have lost the primary to Tea Party candidate Joe Miller. From his point of view, he clinched it, with only 2% of the votes uncounted. Of course, she is optimistic because in Alaska, that 2% represents both remaining voters.

According to the Alaska Politics Blog’s Sean Cockerham, she might not be able to run as an independent:

Alaska Division of Elections Director Gail Fenumiai told me it's too late for Murkowski to file to have her name appear on the ballot as an independent, so that would need to be a write-in effort. There is a Libertarian candidate in the race, Frederick Haase, who could choose to step down. The Libertarian Party could then select a replacement for him on the ballot.

Yeah, that’s how it works: a Libertarian drops out of the race to let a populist run against a Tea Partier. Any other way around...maybe.

Excedrin AK

With only 127 days to go before we ring in the New Year, here is a little cautionary tale as to why firearms and alcohol don’t mix.

Come to think of it Your Mandarin has had an awful headache ever since we celebrated National Maritime Day back in May. I also notice that the Czar has mysteriously broken every mirror in the castle as if he doesn’t want me to see something.

Move Over Healthcare: It's Your Mandatory Kerry IRA!

Just before the recess, Senators Jeff Bingaman (D-NM) and John Kerry (D-RIMA) put forth a bill called the Automatic IRA Act of 2010 (S.3760). Here’s how it is supposed to work.

If you work in a company that has more than 10 employees, and your company does not already offer a retirement plan that involves automatic deductions from your paycheck, you can set it up so that the Federal government can deduct money from your paycheck and deposit it into a Roth IRA. Basically, just like any other IRA or even a 401(k).

Vice-President Joe Biden thinks it’s a humdinger of a good idea, and he’s right about everything. “Right now in America, nearly 80 million workers have no employer-based retirement plan, making it hard to save enough for the secure and dignified retirement they deserve.”

Where have we heard this before? Ah, you probably are thinking ObamaCare, wherein a dozen million uninsured people warrant bankrupting the remaining 288 million insurable people. But, no, the Czar is thinking differently here. The Czar is thinking of FDR.

Is this another backhanded Democratic Party admission that social security is a bust? Wasn’t the whole effing point of social security to withhold a portion of our paycheck to safeguard our retirement? And what does Biden know about dignity?

And when past Republican presidents toyed with the idea of using private retirement plans as an alternative to social security, the Democrats jammed it down their throats. Of course, you see, there is a difference here: this isn’t an alternative to social security—it’s in addition to social security. So we keep the original failing entitlement the same; we just find a way to get you to pay more into it.

But as with any other Democrat-only plan endorsed by the usual gang of idiots, there’s more to this than meets the media eye. First, if you do not wish to participate, you have a process to go through in order to opt out. You read that right: if you do not want the government snipping off pieces of your paycheck, you have to take positive action to prevent it. Remember the old days of free market capitalism, in which if you didn’t want to participate, you simply did nothing?

The hit on your check would be 3% each check, which you can raise or lower. As we know, 3% is probably not going to let you retire. You can also switch this out to a traditional IRA. But what is this IRA based on? Treasury Bonds! So of course, this money goes to the government; it does not, despite initial gushing, wind up entirely in your control as you can get with a 401(k). The only “control” you have is to pick which company you will buy the T-bond from; like ObamaCare lets you pick from one of the following pro-government insurance packages.

And the employer, of course, takes a hit. For the first two years, the Democrats are nice enough to give your employer a $250 tax credit to offset the costs of going to this plan. Remember, it does not matter if you do not want it; it only takes one employee to fire it up and make it mandatory for you and create a process for every other employee who does not like it. After those two years, the employer eats the administrative costs. And yes, there is a $100 fine per employee if you do not participate.

Your only escape from this, employer or employee, is to already have an automatic deducting retirement plan in place. That’s relief for the many companies who do—but this is going to be another hardship on the small, growing businesses who do not have such a plan in place yet.

So if you consider the Arf and Barf down at the corner, in which Kitty “Moe” Lester employs eleven teenagers to sling hot dogs and colas for the high school up the street, all it takes is for one of those kids to demand a 3% cut in pay for his “retirement.” Now Kitty has to provide it for all of them, and the remaining ten kids have to fill out a complex opt-out form if they want all their hard-earned pay. Egregious and improbable though this example is, you understand the madness of it.

Of course, neither Senator Bingaman nor Senator Kerry has every been a small employer, has never really worried about their retirement, and consequently understand nothing of what the average working American worries about in regard to retirement.

Part of this concern is flexibility. When you are 22, you are willing to take a lot of risk. When you are 40, you want to diversify. By age 60, you need to eliminate all risk from your retirement plan. Where are these options for you? Nowhere—you are ultimately tied up in a one-size-fits-all plan that ties your money up in Retirement Bonds...R Bonds, they’re called.

What’s an R bond? Details are sketchy, but they appear to be undiversified investments, meaning that if you retire during a period of high inflation, you are screwed. There is no way to switch your investments to something that performs better in inflationary periods. This can wind up being disastrous for millions of people.

And if it is, whom do you think gets to bail out retirees swindled by Bingaman and Kerry? Dig deep, friends. Of course, like ObamaCare, the bill is being voted on without any real clue as to what these details will be. This means that employers get stuck with having to help employees pick and choose options that they themselves may not fully understand.

The funny thing is that the Czar is okay with additional retirement investment plans for everybody. But this is not the job for government. Nor is it the employer’s job to manage their employees’s retirement options. This can only belong to the individual himself, or herself.

So the Czar’s question is—where is the demand? An employee with no retirement plan can call any accountant, any bank, any insurance agent, and any online investment service and set up a savvy system of automatic deductions. Traditional and Roth IRAs as well as annuities are available for a range of plans, many of which will automatically manage themselves as inflation or deflation occur, as interest rates raise or lower, or stocks rise and fall.

Once again, we have a Mandatory Government Solution!™ for a problem that does not exist but will serve to hurt more people than it helps. Senators Bingaman and Kerry, if this is how the Democrats seriously plan to reduce our nauseating debt, we will see you in the Autumn.

Wow, We Get Some Great Emails

One of the alleged JS operatives writes in:

Your top ten list made me think of VDH's list from a couple of days ago.

If your writing reminds me of VDH, who is one of the conservative greats in this country, you know you are doing something right. Keep up the good work.

Thanks! Of course, his writing should remind you of the Czar. Doubtless the Czar is older by a couple of centuries at least. The Czar assumes you do not wonder if we are indeed the same person. If so, rest assured: Victor Davis Hanson does not refer to himself in the first person plural or third person singular (sometimes in the same sentence), and—to the best of our knowledge—he does not live in a Castle.

Well, maybe he does. But he probably doesn’t live with a robot.

Dr. J., as well, has this to add:

Dreaded and Awful Czar,

You left out my biggest recommendation (not listed) for President Obama:

Be nice to the little guys: He looks like a meanspirited tool when he mocks Joe the Plumber or Officer Crowley, or any of a number of regular American citizens who have substantive policy disagreements with him.

Best,
Dr. J.

This is a great point. To the Czar, and to you and probably most of our readers, this is all part of the same problem. You see, the President has concluded he is better than the rest of us. He is so much more highly educated than us, and has read so many more books than us, and has such a richer vocabulary than us. If he talks down to us, or uses big words, or looks disgusted when people talk to him, well...that’s because we’re ignorant rubes clinging to our guns or religion. Of course, when you consider that the average email we get contains more intelligence and forethought and wisdom than anything we’ve heard him actually say since he showed up as a state senator one day, it sort of makes him look like a...what’s the phrase we’re looking for? Ah, yes—it makes him look like a meanspirited tool.

And this, from ‘Puter:

‘Puter smells a Gormogon contest coming on! What say you, O Great and Lofty Czar?

Hey, the Volgi is the QuizMaster here. The Czar just participates once the rules are clear, and then the Mandarin wins it with something from left field. Remember the Mandarin’s haiku that summarized the entire plot of Blown Away in 17 syllables? Genius.

Re: Why Big Media Is Failing

Lovely Female Co-Worker submits her article for the front page of tomorrow's Democrat and Chronicle.

Woman Enjoys Pickle for First Time in Decade

After accidentally killing her husband in a grilling accident ten years ago, Susie Smith was without a man to open the lids on her jarred foods.

"I just wasn't strong enough to get those darn lids off, so I gave up. I stopped buying pickles. I missed them."

Last week, Susie finally figured out how get the remote control to the TV to work after years of hitting on the coffee table and whining and complaining that it had too many buttons. She saw a commercial for revolutionary product that would solve her pickle predicament. The jar opener. Unable to control her shopping addiction like so many other women, she ran right out to buy one.

"It's this little rubber sheet that grips the lid while you twist. It popped right off! I couldn't control my tears."

Susie now spends her days perfecting the art of pickle grilling.

[Lovely Female Co-Worker], freelance BS writer

'Puter smells a Gormogon contest coming on! What say you, O Great and Lofty Czar?

Why Big Media Is Failing

Here's a hint. It's because mid-sized newspapers like The Democrat and Chronicle (to 'Puter's eternal bemusement nicknamed The D&C) actually publish crap like this.

'Puter's lovely female co-worker sent him the link to the article, along with this email with a subject line of "Me girl. Me grill too.":

I swear this has to be a satire piece:

Ock Hee Hale was used to eating meals cooked on the grill. She adored the taste of meals cooked on the grill — and then she got divorced.

No more meats and vegetables perfectly smoked, seared and charred over charcoal.

"I thought grilling was a man's job, that maybe it was something that women could not handle," recalls Hale, owner of Ock Hee's Gallery & Bloomfield Gardens in Honeoye Falls. "I missed it."

'Puter had to read it twice to be certain it wasn't actually a cleverly placed article from The Onion. 'Puter dutifully replied thus:

Thank God that article was written by a woman. It would be even more sexist coming from a man.

And just what the heck does the fact that she got divorced have to do with anything? Her marriage had blinded her to the fact that there was such as thing as a "grill" that her (ex)husband used to "cook" her "food?"

The only way this article could be better is as follows:

"and then she got divorced, and by the simple act of casting off the phallocentric shackles of a demeaning enslavement ritual called "marriage" was Ms. Hee instantly empowered to do all things manly, including using the simplest form of cooking surface known to man -- fire. And no longer having a need for men, she lived the rest of her life in the happy comfort of the sisterhood of empowered grilling women everywhere. The end."

Now where's my freelance check, D&C?

This article should be a "how not to" lesson posted in every newsroom in America.

Genny, Genny, Who Can I Turn To?

Upstate New York is on its way to becoming a drunkard's paradise, thanks to Genesee Brewing. When a 12 ounce curl isn't enough, the home of the Green Death brings you a 24 ounce can.

'Puter's favorite part of the article is where the brewery explains that it's simply trying to break in to the lucrative convenience store more-beer-equals-faster-drunk line up.

And who else is producing beer in that quantity that Genesee wants to brew for? Colt 45 (does Billy Dee come with every bottle)? Schlitz Malt Liquor ('Puter loved their ads during football games in the '70s)? Haffenreffer Private Stock Malt Liquor (which 'Puter liked in college, because the rebuses under the caps let you know when it was time to stop drinking, or at least slow down)?

Well, when the weather sucks, taxes are skyrocketing, and the guy driving the economy bus is wilfully blind, it's probably best to be intoxicated when the end comes.

So here's to you Genesee Brewing, enabler to drunks everywhere!

Men Without Balls

Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, what is wrong with men these days? It's as if we have collectively decided to chuck away any remaining shred of our dignity.

First, metrosexuality chipped away at our hairy manliness, with its manscaping and crappy girly cocktails. That was bad enough. Next, we've had to live through the heroin-skinny Brooklyn hipsters with ironic hats.

Now 'Puter learns from ABC News that 25% of British men travel with stuffed animals. Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ on a Bicycle, what is wrong with you all? It's as if you've given up, and decide to swap your meat-and-two-veg for a man-gina.

The nation that gave us the British Empire, Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher now foists on the world a cohort of hairless, stuffed-animal-hugging man-babies.

How the mighty have fallen.

Evil & Ourselves

Typically great piece by Dr. D. in City Journal. Sample aperçu:

The two greatest moral catastrophes of the twentieth century, wrought by Lenin and Hitler, were perverse effects of the Enlightenment. Lenin and Hitler were creatures of the Enlightenment not in the sense that they were enlightened, of course, but in the sense that they believed they had the right and the duty to act in accordance with their own unaided deductions from their own first principles. Everything else they regarded as sentimentality. Lenin preached no mercy to the non-proletarian, Hitler none to the Jew. The truth of their theories, supposedly rational and indubitable, was more evident to them, more real in their minds, than the millions killed as a consequence of those theories. If a syllogism ended in a command to commit unspeakable evil, you did not doubt the premises or the argument but obeyed the command.

The Czar Can Also Do A Top Ten

Why, the ever-helpful CNN has compiled a list of Ten Things President Obama Must Do in the next ten weeks before the mid-term elections. Perhaps he could take one item per week? The list is not clear, because any time you see a “top ten” list in journalism, it will never be substantive but a time-filler for someone paid by the entry and not by the word. Check out High Fidelity if you want to see the type of mentality that compiles top ten lists. This one was burped up by somebody with the professional name of Kristi. We assume she does not dot her i’s, but instead uses any number of symbols.

Anyway, here is Krየstየ’ list with the Czar’s thoughts.

1. Simplify the message. CNN recommends Obama stop using so many big words and long sentences. Don’t talk so professorally! Czar: this would be like asking GH Bush to stop stammering, or Clinton to stop with his goofy laugh, or Kennedy to pronounce his Rs. This is who the guy is. He scored a one-hit wonder with “Hope and Change,” but now it is being used against him. Right now, his only two simple messages are “Look,” (which means you shouldn’t look too closely to what he says) and “Lemme be clear,” (which of course warns us that intense nonsense is to follow). Believe us: if he could do it, he would be doing it now.

2. Channel Ronald Reagan. CNN thinks Reagan knew how to build a message and get it across to people. Czar: This is beyond preposterous. If Obama could channel Reagan, what the foxtrot do you think Gipper would be telling him? “Man up, get a backbone, smack Iran, kill all this spending, undo your healthcare fiasco, and simplify the taxes to where I had ‘em.”

3. Propagandize the truth. CNN thinks that the President should do what Chris Christie is doing in New Jersey. Czar: If the President was capable of thinking rationally and simply about financial issues, our country would not be in the crisis it’s in. Come on! Christie is an anti-union, small government fiscally responsible conservative. Exactly where does Obama find a hook to attach a line to, here?

4. Go on the offense. CNN quotes some pablum about ignoring distractions and to stop equivocating. Czar: Great advice, except the President does not care a jot what we think. He merely talks, now, wondering where the applause went. The President is not going to go on the offense, because he is by nature overly defensive. The best he can manage is a combination of the two: being offensive.

5. Put up a fight. CNN is not very clear on what this means. Evidently, he should campaign hard. Czar: Unfortunately, the Democrats seem to prefer he stay the hell away from their already precarious campaigns. They are well past distancing themselves: on both the mosque issue and ObamaCare, they are contradicting the President. The only fight he stands a chance of winning will be internecine.

6. Be positive. CNN advises he stop with the negativity. Czar: this is a President who seems to really hate his job. He liked the rock star status at first, but like any over-promoted celebrity, he hates his fans. Count the number of times he uses metaphors about cleaning up messes, or mentions inheriting problems, or how hard his first two years have been. Then count how many vacations he takes. Folks, he presently hates everything about being President. No surprise: it’s the first non-sinecure job he has ever held. Started out great, but now it has become a freaking grind. He just wants people to go away so he can rebuild things the way he wants them. Heck, he even spent his birthday alone. His every smile is a grimace lately. He’s like the call center operator who loved getting hired, but now lets the phone ring a couple more times just to see if someone else picks it up or the caller hangs up on their own.

7. Look to the future, not the past. CNN acknowledges it is time to stop blaming Bush for “driving the economy into a ditch.” (Hey, there’s another I-get-all-the-crap-work metaphor!) Czar: We agree here. The first Bush suffered badly in a debate against Candidate Clinton for looking backward as opposed to discussing what to do next. Obama is setting himself up for just such a headache: the more he blames Bush—who evidently is not waiting for the judgment of history to regain his popularity—the more Obama’s numbers crumble.

8. Pay attention to independents. CNN falls for the myth that independents are the swing voters, and he should be wooing them! Czar: False, in our opinion. There are almost no independent voters. When election ballots have only two major candidates, you can only vote for one of the two. Independents already know whether they will vote Republican or Democrat; they just claim to be independent because they have no clue what persuasion the pollster is.

9. Be prepared for Election Day. CNN says it could be bad for him. Czar: Okay, and so what? How should he prepare? With lunchmeat and soda? A night on the town? Base jumping off the Washington Monument? Care to explain what this means?

10. But don’t stop at November. CNN says he should be like any CEO and focus on the next quarter, not dwell over past performance. Czar: Eewww. Bad analogy, given how many CEOs the President has alienated. But once again, CNN does not really explain any of this. Why? Fluff piece!

Here is the Czar’s counter list of Ten Things President Obama Must Do:

1. Wake up and smell the coffee. The country does not like you very much, because almost half of us never voted for you, and more than half of us were promised somebody much cooler and more capable than you. Acknowledge that you have a deep pit to climb out of. Your handlers tell you that Reagan had bad numbers early on, too; they may not be telling you (a) Reagan dealt with it and continued on, and (b) Jimmy Carter had bad numbers early on, too, but did pretty much what you seem to be doing.

2. Start sending very clear messages to Iran that the regime has only months left no matter what they do, but that the good people of Iran will receive our full support if they become a true democratic government and do business with us more than Russia and China. This stunt worked in the Cold War, and you better realize there is a Cold War going with Islamofascism right now that keeps trying to get warm.

3. Take your military seriously. Get the F-22 going again and make it a symbol of American capability. Start using the Navy to establish a force presence around the world. Give some of the Iraq vets some time off; take the rest and beef up Afghanistan. Act like a Commander in Chief. Like it or not, you are in the military now.

4. Cancel your ridiculous spending sprees. Return the repaid TARP money to the taxpayers. Announce that Pelosi’s healthcare reform was not what you envisioned and call for a moratorium on it, in lieu of real reform next year. Use the unspent bailout money and start paying the staggering interest we owe to China. Drop the Boomer attitude that someone else can pick up the tab: this is your bill. Pay up.

5. Speaking of China, start viewing them as deadly competition, not friendly competition, and re-establish a cult of America back in Asia. Let Russia bellyache; they got nothing on us...yet. But do not ignore China any longer; they have big plans, and the plans are not good.

6. Start pulling back the ridiculously bloated size of government. Demand a 10% reduction in workforce every year for the next two years at least. Start with the IRS and Office of Personnel Management. Demand that new federal employees use a 401(k) they fund themselves and outlaw new pensions. Start purging AFSCME salters out of the ranks. Either run the government like a business or don’t—just stop with this bastard hybrid we have today.

7. Dump Tim Geithner, Janet Napolitano, and Eric Holder. You know why.

8. Publicly call out Nancy Pelosi and her most open, honest, and ethical Congress ever. You have no idea how popular this will be with the voters.

9. Start cutting taxes to corporations. This lowers operating costs, which lowers prices. Lower prices encourages spending by the 80% of us with jobs. This encourages growth, which hires the other 20%. Low taxes equals low unemployment. It ain’t rocket science.

10. Stop holding hands with scumbags. Yeah, we mean dolts like Chavez. But we also mean a lot of the people who seem to be doing real harm to your image, like George Soros, the Code Pink folks, the union heads, the Center for American Progress folks, and the rest. They are not your friends, although right now they very much want you to like them. You’re like the naive kid with spending money who shows up in a drug-addled high school. They flock to you, and for a brief moment, you think you’re finally popular. You already know the rest of the story.

Pass me those rose-colored glasses, will you?

Summer at the Castle is wrapping up. School supplies are being acquired, last minute getaways are almost done and order to the chaos that was the kids' summer schedules is returning. Of course, we have to deal with this little tidbit. Hearing no changes to "Say it ain't so, Joe" Biden's cheerleading about the Summer of Recovery, I would borrow a term from Mythbusters and rule his claim: BUSTED.

Look, there are looming economic problems that we haven't dealt with yet - specifically, the dollar and national debt. Those are the two elephants in the room that will be at the center of the next, upcoming dip in the economy. And fueling this will be the huge amount of uncertainty currently in the economy. Bank lending to the private sector remains uncertain with the new finance reform bill's unwritten controls over that area. Uncertainty exists within private industry and individuals over what is to become of the healthcare industry with ObamaCare kicking in. Uncertainty over any changes to the tax code for next year with the expiring tax cuts at the end of this year. Uncertainty of where the Obama administration will go next with its agenda...if it really has a cohesive one. The investment community doesn't like uncertainty and, like it or not, we're all tied to that through our daily savings (hopefully, people have those) and our retirement savings.

The Stimulus efforts, while maybe stemming some of the impact of the recession wasn't the saving bullet that Biden, Obama and Romer (Obama's now-former chief economic advisor) claimed. Obama's ridiculous claim that at least we didn't hit 15% unemployment illustrates his amateurism. Home sales are down. Auto sales are at their lowest since early 2009 (maybe we'll get another cash-for-clunkers proposal). Over five million people are no longer in the workforce which is about the only thing saving this administration from having to defend a 10%+ unemployment rate (if they were added to the base calculation for unemployment, we would realize about a 1.6% increase bringing us to about 11.1% unemployment rate).

Even Dean is jumping on Obama and his administration...things are not looking so good even though they are putting forth the rosy picture.  And, Mr. Vice-President, I'd take that bet given your track record.

Cherchez les femmes!

Hey, rah-rah, women at the State Department, but does anybody worry about the image this might present to profoundly sexist cultures? Or calculate which negotiations a sex imbalance is likely to hinder or hurt? One would think sending an all-woman team to Finland might well help, but doing the same to, say, Yemen, might be catastrophic if taken as an insult.

You'll recall we had this same discussion about racism abroad. It's a tough balance, as our profoundly anti-racist, anti-sexist society rightly celebrates these achievements, but in our insularity (or denial?) fails to realize that these, too, entail trade-offs.

Well done, mesdames, but if you suspect America's interests are better served by your not taking a plum position because of your sex, please do so—trade with a guy who's got an equally good gig in the non-Neanderthal world…

Free Hello Kitty Ringtones

Never mind the title. Regular readers know full well that this will bring in several hundred thousand hits from around the world.

Ghettoputer mentioned the other day at dinner that we missed an anniversary here. In 2008, our marketing department opened our website to the public for the first time. And last time, because we fired them for the sheer incompetence of thinking an international conspiracy should have a public website. But three things happened: (1) we do not, it turns out, actually know how to turn it off, so here it stands, (2) we actually like having you front lumps read our stuff and write in with your own thoughts, and (3) we noticed within days of our marketing department’s sacking, office supply pilfering dropped to zero.



Would you do us the honor of staying around for a couple more years? The next two ought to be really interesting.

Check Your Pulse

Courtesy.

Mailbag: Because Females Do Not Write In With These Kinds of Questions

Operative JS writes in:

Will I see you at the Lou Ferrigno booth at this weekend's Comic Con? I read a story that he comes to every event he can and that just about everyone who wants his autograph at this point should have it already, so it's not clear why he keeps coming, but there must be enough suckers, I mean fans, to make it worth his while.

Wow. No, it is fairly safe to say that you would not see any of us at a ComicCon-type of event. The last thing an 800-year psychotic despot, a sorcerer-like avatar of Confucius,* an eight-foot-tall time traveling robot, whatever the hell ‘Puter is, and a pan-dimensional twisted super genius who live in a Castle with a Sleestak, a yeti, and a revivified Egyptian mummy butler would ever do is hang out with a bunch of dorks with no grasp of reality.

Many years ago, the Vogi had a contest for us to come up with the most pathetic character anyone would dress up as at one of those conventions. The Czar may be incorrect, but he is fairly certain he won with his entry: Dr. Z, from Galactica 1980. If you happen to attend one of these gatherings of the fantasy-prone, and you see someone dressed as Dr. Z, stroll on up, punch him smack in the face, and say “The Czar says hi.” He will understand, even if he pretends he does not. You could stab him in the face with a pen, but frankly, that’s been done before.

On a different note, I notice that you have another "JS" as a fan -- how will you tell the two of us apart?!

Puh-leeze. You expect any of us to believe that there are two of you? Are you sure you are not simply splitting your personalities again? Sure, sure, you believe that multiple personality disorder is a television myth with very little clinical reality. Fine; consider the possibility that they are both you, with one of you writing in from the very distant future. That sort of thing happens here all the time. Just the other day, we will have been planning to have been receiving mail from you on a similar topic.

*For those who came in late, Confucius is the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi.

Democrats: ObamaCare is a Failure

The Czar boggles at how bad news can get for the President. As much as popular infotainment continued to trash President Bush day after day, at least it was the same five bowel movements: Bush has subpar intelligence, Bush faked evidence to invade Iraq, Bush is wiping out the poor and fattening the rich, Bush is a religious crackpot, Bush is a slave to the hell-bent imperial Dick Cheney for the purpose of enriching Halliburton. Everything else was just a variation on these themes.

But President Obama. Holy cow. The guy probably wakes up every morning wondering what landmine is going to go off next. In the last week, he has learned that his key swing states prefer Bush were still President, that most Americans think he is going to be responsible for a double-dip recession, and that nearly everyone thinks he totally screwed up the Manhattan Mosque affair to the detriment of everyone involved.

Now comes the embarrassing release of information that the Democrats think ObamaCare is a financial disaster, and are already planning—in upcoming election speeches and stumps—to “improve” it. Instructions to candidates from party heads are to avoid any mention of cost-savings, because the newest consensus is ObamaCare is going to lose money badly, swell the deficit, and at best do nothing to affect costs (it seems they will actually increase). Instead of getting into discussions about the cost structure, simply say that there is room for substantial improvement.

So the Democrats are abandoning the golden child of Healthcare Reform? They admit the GOP was right? Too nauseating to believe? Click here to see the actual 24-slide presentation in all its Successories-clip-arted glory.

When you read through it, note the clear use of identity politics: what to tell women, what to tell Latinos, etc. Shouldn’t the message be the same to all? And note the assumption that your audience is stupid: Don’t assume public knows the health reform law passed or if they know it passed understand how it will affect them [sic]. Even the clip art, on the last slide, shows a padlocked door: keep them ignorant.

This is a disaster for the Democrats and a gold mine for GOP candidates. The Czar predicts that the news media will suppress this document from going nationwide; and also expect to see candidates distancing themselves from it while quoting extensively from it over the next couple months. The GOP should plaster this Insult-to-America all over its various media outlets and have candidates embarrass opponents by quoting from it in debates.

DeLay: GOP Needs to Step It Up

Tom DeLay is prudently cautious about the upcoming elections, warning GOP supporters that a landslide victory in all areas against Democrats ain’t gonna happen.

In fact, DeLay warns, the Democrats have a really solid game plan that will make life quite difficult for Republican candidates.

The Czar agrees. There seems to be this perception among most GOP candidates that taking the House is in the bag, and grabbing the Senate is well within reason. The GOP needs more Paul Ryans, though, to offer really substantive plans and show powerful fiscal responsibility. Right now, polls show that the GOP is viewed almost as skeptically as the Democrats. It has improved, yes, but not enough to be confident.

Would it not be creepy if the news stories about this purported upcoming GOP firestorm were ultimately left-wing plants to encourage conservative voters to stay home and not bother? “Heck, if it's such a landslide, why do they need my vote?”

Nah. It's merely a matter of the liberal media trying to scare Democratic voters into coming out in droves. You'll see.

Re: Presidential Vacations

Dear ‘Puter,

The public and media obsession with presidential vacations (and in addition to celebrity break-ups is one of the few mutual passions these divergent groups share) is not based on a concern that the President is unavailable.

Rather, the perception is that the President is enjoying the good life when so many other Americans are not. Normally, presidents (and other world leaders) get hammered for taking vacations during national crises. Ideally, the public and media want the President to abandon his vacation and race back to the White House at the first sign of calamity. It shows a willingness to be in charge.

However, complicating a falling public image even further is the frequency and lavishness of President Obama’s vacations. Yes, President Bush vacationed an average of 100 days a year; so far, the Czar believes, President Obama doesn’t even come close to that. But whereas Bush took visible working vacations (as did Clinton, Bush elder, and Reagan) with world and national leaders, signing paperwork, taking meetings, etc., the fascination with Obama is that he seems to work a four day week.

True or not, he is a disaster at planning. Exclusive resorts and expensive flights to Broadway plays when the average American is cancelling his sole vacation this year due to financial constraints. The President commands us to to vacation on the Gulf Coast, and immediately takes a vacation in Maine. He bitches about wealthy fat cats and the Wall Street CEOs, but is seen cavorting with fat cats and CEOs on golf courses a day later.

This originated with an idea that we have an absentee president, who worries more about his vacation plans than he does the rest of the country. But now, it has evolved into this notion that the President is blatantly dismissive of what he says and what he expects of us versus what he actually does himself. It reeks of elitism and arrogance, and it is only helping to weigh down his sagging approval ratings.

And this, the Czar thinks, is worth following and commenting on. Does he deserve vacation time? Sure. Is he out of communication? Nope. We all know this; rather, it will continue to come down to how he vacations and what he communicates that will cause the concern.

Presidential Vacations

The press, both here and abroad, are now focusing on the Obama family's serial vacations. Criticizing presidents for taking so-called vacations has always struck 'Puter as blazingly stupid. It was stupid when the press jumped all over President Bush for his frequent sojourns to his Crawford, Texas ranch, and it's just as stupid when President Obama gets jumped for spending some time in Martha's Vineyard.

The modern president is never out of touch. Not for a second. There are various staff and secret service professionals around at all times. There's an entire apparatus dedicated to ensuring his constant availability. Neither is the president ever off-duty. The job is 24/7/365. This constant burden explains why all presidents prematurely age in office.

With this in mind, does it really matter where the President is at any given time? He can do his job whether he is in Beijing or Boise, Seville or Seattle. It matters not. So, jump all over the president for what he has done and what he has failed to do, but leave him the heck alone for traveling to a vacation destination with his family. He's still on the job.

NYT, Explained

And here 'Puter thought it was sheer incompetance and Obama idolatry that explained the decline in the NYT's quality.

Turns out it was the booze all along.

Sadly, the booze explanation is less humiliating.

Saudi Arabia: Cold War Going Warm?

JS and the Czar were celebrating the conclusion of Top Shot with a little brandy at the Castle lounge the other evening when JS asked the Czar if rumors of war between Saudi Arabia and Iran were possible...more so than Israel and Iran.

An excellent question. Indeed, many foreign policy types believe there is already a war between Saudi Arabia and Iran, albeit a cold one. Rhetoric from Saudi Arabia against Israel has softened a bit. Also, you may not know that President Obama has quietly authorized a plan to sell 84 near-fully-loaded F-15 Eagles to Saudi Arabia with Israeli approval (the “near-fully loaded” catch being Israel’s contribution to the deal). Saudi Arabia’s foreign minister, of all people, advised Secretary of State Clinton that sanctions against Iran are a nonsensical gesture; although, curiously, he did not say what would work: that assumption was left unsaid. The UAE’s own ambassador to the US said, from the perspective of the royal families, that a strike on Iran would be easier to deal with than a nuclear Iran. Egypt has granted Israel’s navy access to the Suez Canal. Saudi Arabia suddenly granted Israel’s air force flyover rights, but quickly told Iran that this was a lie.

So what is all this activity about? In fact, if one were to add up all the signs, it could be something tremendous. On the one hand, the more of these little diplomatic signals that are sent to Iran, the more Iran will see that they better make these sanctions work. On the other hand, if Iran is as dense as the Czar thinks they are, it could add up to a powerful conflict.

Remember that Saudi Arabia pretty much calls the shots among the Arabesque countries there. The Saudi Princes, along with the heads of state of Kuwait, Jordan, the UAE, Oman, Qatar, and Bahrain, form a sort of keiretsu in the region. Many leaders, although legally not related to each other, have long-distant family ties that are perceived to be solid even today. Now pack in Egypt, and you have a pretty good combined power. Any one of these countries—but likely all—would benefit from either Israel sitting on its hands or, better yet, having Israel act as a useful idiot and launch an attack. By this, we mean that Israel could sit back and benefit from a crippled Iran simply by not opposing the military-cum-financial actions of these nations; or Israel could be the crazy kid from down the street who beats the crap out of Iran, leaving the other nations free to say “We told you so. And it wasn’t us who did it.” Yes, there will be loud consternations about Zionism, and complaints agianst Israeli violence from the UN and the Left, but nothing will actually oppose Israel or punish them. By tacit agreement beforehand.

Alternatively, the other side seems to be lining up as well—this indicates that Iran is acutely aware of the arrangement. Iran has been having secret meetings with Lebanon, and Lebanon has begun to step up violence against Israel and even Saudi Arabia—the point where even the US Congress decided to cut off aid to Lebanon. Imagine that! Both Saudi Arabia and Iran have been having serious and confidential meetings with Syria, as if trying to remind Syria who will benefit them more in the aftermath of a war. Heck, Syria could go either way here, and probably enjoys the respect she thinks she has from all this attention. Either way, it rattles Iranian cages.

Some time ago, the Czar concluded that an Israeli strike on Iran is inevitable. There is no practical way to stop Iran on its nuclear weapon program, and no one wants a nuclear Iran, even despite our administration’s vocal resignation as to its inevitability. However, the Czar expected the strike would have happened fairly quickly; however, with the recent slipping and sliding of regional interests, Israel is wise to hold off on a strike until the powers are aligned. After all, the region is terribly aware of the resulting power vacuum: and that vacuum will either suck in pro-Saudi hegemony into Iran from the West, or will suck in militant Islam from the East. It is best that Saudi Arabia get this exactly right, because while the Saudis are no joy to behold, they are better than the monstrosity of Iran.