Email For The Mandarin....

Gormogon operative DA writes in to your Mandarin with the following:

Howdy mate... I know its probably not the right sort of respectful tone to take on of the Gormogons, but saying mate is ingrained in me, much to the chargrin of my parents and my wife (all of whom I occasionally also call mate due to force of habit). I've only been reading you guys for a year or so now, but you are one of the links I hit every morning for a nice dose of humour mixed with snark and honesty.

A short snippet from slashdot lead me to a summary of an article at the Guardian there's also transcript of the interview if you want all the details, but after looking up the Gaia hypothesis to check it was the bullshit tree-hugger crap I feared it was the summary was enough - I felt dirty in my mind, a place hard to point out on the doll where the bad man touched me.

Anyway a summary of a summary for you: Some famous climate change "scientist" (he's claiming the whole world being one big organism has been proved, so should be a theory now, so I'm pretty damn sure he deserves the scare quotes even though I normally detest the habit, but its the best way I convey the need to strip him of any authority he has) is suggesting that Climate Change is so important that democracy should be put on hold so we can get our shit together. I know rule by knowledgeable tyrants has been a popular idea ever since Plato, but you've got to worry about their benevolence. After all, not everyone can be as sensible and well adjusted as our true leaders, the Gormogons, and since I'm certainly not down with the in-crowd of hippies, there's no way I'd want them for dictators.

Anyway, I better get back to work, my students are starting to finish up their work as this weeks reward for neatness and accuracy is a Gormogon lego set, so they're all trying their little hearts out (and the indoctrination is going great guns), so I'll wrap this up saying I love the work you guys put in, and really appreciate it!

Well DA we appreciate you frequenting the site and helping to further the indoctrination of the future Gormogon operatives. For your efforts, you may have already received via carrier pigeon a complete set of commemorative shot glasses from Gormogicon 1782.

Numbers Are In...

Wow. Are you kidding?

Seriously.

MSNBC has almost a million viewers? Who woulda thunk?

Pop Quiz: Are You Conservative or Liberal?

You may be more liberal, or more conservative, than you think. Here is an easy quiz. Conservatives will likely have more (a) answers, and liberals more (b) answers.

The unemployment rate is...

a) Too damn high. Everyone is hurting.

b) A necessary course of action because it does not affect me personally.

What is a basic right of all people?

a) Handguns.

b) Healthcare, housing, college education, groceries, cars, postage, wax paper, corsets, bike chain, space travel, yo-yo string, aglets, dielectric foam insulation, teeth whiteners....

Americans overwhelmingly reject Healthcare reform because...

a) It has little to do with healthcare or reform, and was jammed through with no regard for the average American, and is intended to be an extraordinarily expensive entitlement to secure votes for future Democrats from the chronically underemployed.

b) They are all racists.

Defense spending is...

a) Tight enough already.

b) Bush lied about WMD!

What is social justice?

a) I don’t really know; the definition seems to change every time someone gets on television.

b) The belief that people who work hard, scrimp and save, and spend money wisely should hand that money over to people who do very little to deserve it. The opposite of actual justice. And I would like that money.

Why is Afghanistan important to foreign affairs?

a) Because a stable, democratic government will stabilize Iraq and Pakistan and encourage true reform in Iran.

b) Al Gore should have been president in 2000.

Deficit spending is dangerous economically because...

a) It encourages runaway inflation, ruins our ability to secure credit through direct loans or indirectly through balanced trade, and crushes the ability of retired Americans or people on fixed incomes to survive.

b) Everyone but me is a racist.

Should the rich be taxed more than other people?

a) Not necessarily; the rich already pay for more than 90% of America’s taxes, and reducing their tax rate has consistently shown to be the fastest way to increase the value of the dollar, reduce unemployment, and raise per capita incomes.

b) Yes, because I am not rich, and I don’t know anyone who is, so therefore the rich are an invisible, evil people who make an infinite amount of money and can easily pay for anything we want indefinitely. Plus, George Bush is a racist.

Was the stimulus successful?

a) No. Nearly all the money remains unaccounted for, and despite some quick fix solutions, it wound up damaging cash flows for other projects in 2010, which will likely hold unemployment where it’s at. Further, very little of the money went to the people who needed it most.

b) Racist, racist, racist. And George Bush.

Has the Hadley CRU incident changed your mind about Global Warming?

a) Certainly. A lot of people who assumed temperatures were increasing are now on the fence about it. And the people who were on the fence now think the whole thing is made up. Although it does not eliminate the concern of temperature deltas completely, it gave the argument a serious black eye, and attempts to explain it away make the argument look even more suspicious.

b) And Dick Cheney. Racist, racist, racist. Tea baggers. Heh. That’s so naughty, it even sounds racist. When do I get my money?

Another Brick in the Glass (Not)

Well, by now you know there are dozens of Tea Party members upset with the healthcare vote. Which is curious, because dozens appear to outnumber supporters of the legislation.

But the tiny, insignificant amount of Tea Party folks upset with the Healthcare bill accounts for the incredibly small number of violent acts sweeping across the nation!

Here is a list of window-smashing incidents.

Niagara Falls: Bricks thrown through windows as Rep. Slaughter’s office? True.

Rochester: Brick thrown through front doors of Dem HQ? True. But the incident happened prior to the healthcare vote, and appears to have been related to other issues. The story has consequently largely vanished from the news.

Wichita: Brick thrown through window of Sedgwick County Dem HQ? True: a whacknut in Alabama has (somehow) claimed responsibility.

Anchorage: Rock hurled through window of Dem HQ offices? Hoax! Anchorage police say there was window damage, but no evidence of politically related activity, and no rock was found.

Tucson: Brick thrown through window of Rep. Gifford’s window? True.

Cincinnati: Brick thrown through window of Rep. Driehaus’s window? Hoax!

Denver: Bricks thrown through windows of Denver Dem HQ? True, but turns out...the culprit was a Democrat attempting to “Stir up hate.”

Howell, MI: Brick thrown through window of GOP office? True.

Richmond: Bullet fired into window of GOP House Minority Whip LeaderEric Cantor’s office? True, but believed to be a negligently fired bullet that struck the window by accident.

Albemarle County, VA: Bricks thrown through windows of local GOP HQ? True.

Wow. Looks like the Tea Party is just as mad at the GOP as they are the Democrats.

Geographic Reform: The Urgency of Now

Not content to change the way we do healthcare, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced on Sunday that her goal is to reform the United States’ geography. Alaska and Hawaii will be towed, at a cost of $1.9 trillion, to an area west of California, where they will be encompassed by the same Congressional district for which Madame Speaker Pelosi reps.

“For too long,” the Speaker said, “We have marginalized the people of Hawaii and Alaska. Now we will finally make them continguous.” The current Democratic congressional representatives of Hawaii will be re-assigned, possibly to Alaska. “I deeply and truly regret that we will need to transfer their representation elsewhere; I know how hard it is to be separated from your electorate, and therefore we must act as a family to provide for them. We are, all of us, truly a family." As for the Alaskan Republican representation, she added, “They can go to hell.”

The Final Four…ish

Well, we’re almost down to our Final Four. Thanks to everyone who voted in the last poll. The runaway winner, with 45% of the vote was Bart Stupak, who was duly fed to Nosferatu and had both his faces and his forked tongue chewed off en route to a hideous vivisection. We appreciate your vote—or at least Nosferatu did. Other winners include Jenny McCarthy, who took out Cheetara in what only horrible sexists would call a cat fight. And, in what was the most highly anticipated match of the week, Hello Kitty obliterated Vladimir Putin and half the Moscow oblast with some sort of Tunguska event. Jenny McCarthy is advised to keep watching the skies…

So, here’s where we stand:

Who comes back to battle Nosferatu this week? Go ahead and e-mail me, as the survey widget doesn't seem to be working.

N-Pod, T-Codd & S-Pain

Norman Podhoretz does a nice job of contextualizing Sarah Palin and the backlash against her in certain quarters of conservatism, even citing Gormogon favorite T. Coddington van Voorhees VII. Pod the Elder comes with a position similar to many of your Gormogons’:

As for me, after more than a year of seeing how those "prodigious oratorical and intellectual gifts" have worked themselves out in action, I remain more convinced than ever of the soundness of Buckley's quip, in the spirit of which I hereby declare that I would rather be ruled by the Tea Party than by the Democratic Party, and I would rather have Sarah Palin sitting in the Oval Office than Barack Obama.

Ah, and speaking of Norman Podhoretz, we mentioned his book Why Are Jews Liberals? Help a globe-spanning conspiracy out and buy it through our new Amazon shop if you’re gonna pick it up. Obrigado, as the Czar likes to say.

Where To Start

The Mandarin came into the Humidor Room of the Castle about two hours ago. He asked the Czar if we had seen ‘Puter lately. No, not since yesterday.

The Mandarin nodded and said “I just checked the proxy server log in the Computer Room. His IP address has been hitting this one YouTube video over and over and over.”

We just wanted you to see what ‘Puter has been watching every ninety seconds in his room. If you can figure this out, please send him lots of email condemning him at the address to the left.*



*Those of you using the 22 Centaurus browser in 2022 will find our addresses display on the right due to a deprecated <div> tag.

どうもありがとうミセスフェムボット

I’ll be damned. ’Puter was right. Mandy was working on fembots. Well, congratulations to him on the roll-out.

Mapping the Fraud

I really dig maps. I do geospatial work as part of my job and I love a variety of maps on a personal level. I was interested to come across this "mashup". Now, I agree with the original author that Sens. Coburn and McCain might be going a litle overboard on some of these projects, but overall, I think they're right. Scroll around and click through to see some of them.

View full map


Close to me in the Maryland area, you can find $219,000 for a year long study on whether college females are more likely to "hookup" after consuming alcohol. Closer to the Czar, Mandarin and Volgi, you can see that a Chicago entertainment cruise line got $over $943K towards stepping up security - just in case terrorists were to seize the dinner-and-a-dance riverboat. Of course, we all still believe President Obama's claim that the Stimulus Bill had no pork in it.

Today in Muscovy

The Czar and the Цесаревич wandered around Muscovy today to see what trouble we could get into. (Turns out: we wound up buying some street hockey sticks and rubber pucks for $2 each...a great deal!)

One stop was to the local oil change place to get the blood cleaned out of the palanquin supports. While there, the Czar heard a woman in the waiting area hollering that the easiest way to reconcile the loss of educational funding was for the union to give something back, particularly eliminating pensions for new teachers since there is a plethora of retirement options available that did not exist 100 years ago.

We did not stay to agree; instead, we went next door to the doughnut shop (have you tried these toroidal-shaped fried confections? Bliss!) to get some Bavarian cremes for ourselves. Upon entering, a table of four people were outraged over the passage of the healthcare bill, and were highlighting the ways they themselves would personally be hurt by it.

The Czar was interested to see Americans getting passionate about politics again. Portentious is a word that comes to mind.

Clueless

Utterly clueless.

Because that is how the world is today. Something happens, and someone needs to resign.

How about this. How about journalists resign when they flub a story or back the wrong side? Wouldn’t that instantly improve the world?

Which Doctor

Yeah, because every so often the Mandarin and GorT get into the rum and cokes, and pretty soon we wind up with stuff from an alternate future.

At least, the Czar hopes that’s the case, because GorT woke up with a nasty hangover, very little recollection of what happened the night before, but was clutching this photograph.



Because it is possible that it isn’t from an alternate future, but this one.

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times

Your Czarness:

Do tell your noble father not to despair. Yes, these days it is right difficult to keep on the sunny side of life. But just as surely as spring follows the gloom of harsh winter, so too will the current crop of miscreant congress-jerks go the way of all politicians. We Americans may be dumb enough to elect this bunch of jack-asses, but sooner or later we will chuck them out. In the meantime, I always like to count my blessings.

Take for example, the White House signing ceremony/celebration/mutual-ego-enhancement-orgy. Didn't all those Democrats just look tickled pink? They were laughing and cutting up like frat boys on Spring Break, just basking in the glow of victory and certain knowledge. Why they're so pleased with themselves that they're going to take up the ever-popular issue of immigration reform.

It reminded me of something I've seen many times. You know how a chained dog can forget he's on a chain? Because there is always this moment when the dog is racing to catch a squirrel or cat, and the dog believes, deeply and truly believes, that he's gonna get that meddlesome critter. Then...the ...dog...reaches...the...end of the chain. At which point, the dog is simply shocked to discover that, in fact, the chain is still attached to his collar. And that the dratted cat or squirrel is now sitting on the fence making obscene varmint gestures at him. Deep dark depression. Excessive misery.

Now of course, I haven't the luxury of time-traveling, like Mr. Gor-T, but I'll hazard a prediction anyway. The bill that was signed will not be implemented as the Democrats envision. To put it crudely, it won't be because the Republicans collectively grow a pair either. It will be because, as Winston Churchill famously observed, we Americans always do the right thing...after trying everything else first.

This will simply be a matter of numbers. We are good at ignoring numbers we don't like, but these numbers will be too big to ignore. Numbers like that $56,000/household debt figure that Mr. Mandarin so helpfully posted. Numbers like the $100 million that Caterpillar, and the $150 million that John Deere expect the bill to add to their bottom lines. Gee, you reckon they're going to want to hire a bunch of people anytime soon? Nah, didn't think so. So continue to look for more really, really big unemployment numbers. Oh, and Social Security is going into the red this year. Them there's some big numbers.

There will also be some not-so-big numbers. 16,500 is truly not a very big number. Unless it represents the number of IRS agents who will be added to police compliance with the bill. Then it seems mighty big indeed. You know, Obama, may really have unified the country with that one, because hatred of the IRS certainly does cross all party, ethnic, and class lines!

We've been on a big-honkin` bender, and the hang-over is going to hurt. But sometimes it takes a measure of pain to properly focus one's attentions. I would argue that the Reagan Revolution would not have been possible without Jimmy Carter. So, be merry, you noble Castle-dwellers! Our Founding Fathers bequeathed to us a system that is great enough to withstand our elected congress-jerks. And spring is sure to come.

yours from the double-wide,
JAB

You've Got To Spend Money To Lose Money...

90% is an A- minus, right? Well not in this case. According to the newest CBO report, the national debt will rise to 90% of GDP.

This report also details that President Obama’s fiscal 2011 budget will generate approximately $10 trillion in cumulative budget deficits over the next 10 years. This is $1.2 trillion more than the administration had projected the deficit to be.

In addition, the CBO reports that the federal public debt was $6.3 trillion – or $56,000 per household – when President Obama took office. Under the President’s current spending plans the federal public debt will rise to $20.3 trillion – or $170,000 per household – in 2020.

Now I am not familiar with the financial status of the loyal Gormogon operatives, but your Mandarin doesn’t have an extra $56,000 laying about, let alone $170,000. Even if I sold some of the personal belongings of GorT, Czar, and the Notorious CEV, or just sell ‘Puter into sexual slavery on eBay, I’m sure that I would still be about $55,000 short on what I “owe” now.

I know that the majority of people on the left feel that it is OK for the government to spend money since it is someone else’s money. Hell some on the left don’t even believe that it is your money, but that it belongs to the government, and the government is just being gracious allowing you to use it to conduct simple transactions such as buying food. In reality, the government only has money through the hard work of the American people and business. Sure the government can print as much money as it wants to, but true wealth is only created through the productivity of the American people and business.

The more that we vilify the business community and those that have worked hard to create wealth, the poorer this nation will become.

Well, I guess it’s time for me to go to the local hardware store to purchase a wheelbarrow. Your Mandarin feels that this will make it easier to carry my stack of 3 billion Deutsche Marks down to the grocery store for a loaf of bread.

This Is The Worst I Can Ever Remember

As you know, the Czar has lived for several centuries. (And had it not been for that upstart second cousin of his, Daniil, Czar would be Tsar’. But that was a long time ago.) So when the Czar converses with his own father, it is notable.

And this morning, Czar’s father scowled at the newspaper and said, quite soberly, “This is the worst I can ever remember.” He was of course referring to the Democrats. In his several centuries-plus, he could not recall a time when the Democrats acted so blatantly in defiance of the public trust, the Constitution, and the obvious truth. And he has seen quite a bit in his day.

Slight change of topic.

So now there are 10 Democratic legislators who have been threatened, or suffered acts of vandalism. They have demanded the Republicans apologize for stirring the rage and further denounce such activities.

Nice try. Republicans have also been threatened, yet we see no offers to act first by the Democrats. Second, no one has advocated any such violence, and what has occurred is a pale shadow to the criminal acts used by liberals in riots past. No broken windows? No rocks whipped at police? No cars overturned? Hey lefties—if the GOP is behind this, why couldn’t they have borrowed some of your G-20 protestors for advice?

Now, to the business at hand. Tremble and quake before your Czar, all ye who would...et cetera...because the Czar makes another prediction:

Upon completion of the investigation conducted by the FBI and other law enforcement agencies, at least half of the threats and acts will be discovered to have been perpetrated by Democratic voters upset that the bill did not go far enough or to implicate conservatives. What a shame we will not find out, because the media will stop covering this in about three days.

Because yes: your Democratic politicians are openly playing a dangerous game of political mumbley-peg. And we know they are perfectly willing to commit crimes of falsifying criminal acts and lying nakedly about them.

Slight change of topic.

Andrew Breitbart, who has been known to read our site, is offering $10,000 to the United Negro College Fund—no strings attached—if US Rep John Lewis can produce any evidence on video or otherwise that the spitting or racist taunting occurred even once, let alone the now 15 times Lewis claims. Think that’s a check Andrew will need to write? It’s a safe bet, because with hundreds of cameras recording the incident, the mainstream media would be replaying and replaying the footage for us every hour on several channels. We see not a second of it. Because nothing happened.

And we have at least three US Representatives who have openly lied and had an innocent man arrested to make their racist play more fun for them. In a just world, these men would be charged with filing a false complaint and spend a night in lockup.

The Czar’s father is right. This is the worst they have ever been.

TWI

Teaching while intoxicated. A new low. This week's miscreant? Ms. Tonya Neff, seventh grade teacher at Toro Canyon Middle School in Thermal, California.

Excellent work, Ms. Neff. Hopefully you were drinking your Jesus Juice out of your teachers' union mug that conveniently lists your union representative's contact information in type big enough to be read by even the most impaired.

Kitty v. Hagar

Operative TB writes in with the following question (oddly drafted in motor oil on eelskin) concerning 'Puter's post yesterday:

Hey wait one minute! Last time I looked Kitty was up against Putin. Hagar isn't even in the brackytte. Where did he come from and why does Kitty look so...so...ambivalent?

Look, I hang out at the castle because I thought I could trust you dogs. If you're going to start revising history, well I could go read Sully for that - and without having to put up with Barry Man-a-glow singing Mandy over the castle intercom all day. Explain yourself!

'Puter will answer TB's query, after a fashion.

First, 'Puter enjoyed the juxtaposition of noted gay, Palin's womb-obsessed, "I'm still conservative, dammit," Andrew Sullivan with Vegas female impersonator Barry Manilow. What? Manilow's actually a male? Nevermind.

Second, the Kitty/Hagar magnum opus was posted not as commentary on the ongoing Gormogon tournament, but rather as a preview of 'Puter's new manly back tattoo. See, 'Puter wanted a manly Hello Kitty tattoo to match the barcode GorT put on him while 'Puter was passed out. It will also go nicely with the "This End Up" tattoo Czar and Mandy carved into 'Puter's butt with a soldering iron last Spring Break at Havasu. Fear not, TB, the Tournament proceeds apace, and remains shenanigan free (as far as you know).

Third, no operative should ever reveal intimate details of life in Castle Gormogon. Sure, it seems a trifle that people now know about the Castle's speaker system, or about Czar's unholy fascination with all things Manilow, but it's not. These facts could be used against your Gormogons in unseen ways. We're always being watched. It usually just turns out to be Sleestak or Dat Ho watching us shower, but you get the drift.

So, TB, there's your answer in partes tres. Thanks for writing in.

PS. GorT did not like the demanding tone of your query, TB. You shall have been audited for the 1997 tax year as punishment therefor.

PPS. Hello Kitty is not ambivalent. That is merely the look she gives prior to opening a can of whoop ass on a foe, headless or not.

Who is the "Party of No" ?

Yesterday into last night, the GOP forced the Senate to consider 29 amendments to the health care bill.  The democrats voted each one down.  Keep this in mind when Obama continues his stumping for public support for this bill.  I'm sure he'll mention that, in some oblique manner, the republicans tried to block it and say no to everything.  A quick run down on what the democrats voted against:

• Senator Gregg: Protect Medicare Savings
• Senator McCain: Remove Sweetheart Deals
• Senator Crapo: No Tax Hikes for Families Earning Under $250,000
• Senator Enzi: Strike the Employer Mandate
• Senator Barrasso: Requires Legislation Not Increase Premiums
• Senator Grassley: Requires President, Congress Enroll in Exchange
• Senator Alexander: Reduce Student Loan Interest Rate
• Senator LeMieux: Members On Medicaid
• Senator Coburn: Bars Sex Offenders from Receiving E.D. Drugs
• Senator Hutchison: State Opt Out
• Senator Hatch: Block Medicare Advantage Cuts
• Senator Collins: Waive Employer Mandate Tax
• Senator Thune: Strike CLASS Act
• Senator Cornyn: Remove New Taxes on Investments
• Senator Hatch: Protect Wounded Soldiers from Medical Device Tax
• Senator Inhofe: Protect Pediatrics and Disabled from Medical Device Tax
• Senator Crapo: Protect Cancer Patients from Medical Device Tax
• Senators Roberts, Inhofe, Brown, Crapo: Strike Medical Device Tax
• Senator Burr: Tricare and Veterans Health Programs
• Senator Roberts: Rationing
• Senator Roberts: Critical Access Hospitals
• Senator Vitter: Repeals Democrats' Health Care Bill

Click through and read what the GOP proposed.  Then tell me who the party of "no" is.  The individual write ups are well documented with background information.  Come this November, these should be plastered in front of the campaigning line at every voting booth in America.  

Subversive 'Puter Thoughts For The Day

Here are some small pieces of 'Puter's twisted mind for your perusal this fine afternoon.

1. All United States citizens over the age of 18 should be require to file income tax returns, regardless of whether they earned any income or not. The minimum payment would be a nominal $1.00 tax. It encourages buy in to our system of government.

1(a). As an alternative to idea 1 above, if you don't pay income taxes, you don't get to vote. Again, if you don't have skin in the game, you don't get to play.

2. Anyone receiving any sort of government social assistance should be required to write a thank you letter to an anonymous taxpayer once a year as an eligibility requirement. Reintroducing shame, or at least acknowledgment that your "free" benefits aren't, can't hurt in getting people off welfare.

There are more thoughts rattling aroung in 'Puter's head, but they're not particularly appropriate for a family blog. Even this slightly off Gormogon family blog.

Hello Kitty Yummy Goodness

Apropos of nothing, here is your Two Minute Kitty. Hagar the Horrible provides the hate.

Special thanks to Gormogon operative J.S. for making 'Puter's afternoon.

And special thanks to Mr. Orwell for providing us a preview of our dystopian future.

Lifted from Buzzfeed's A to Z of Awesomeness.

ObamaCare Fails 'Puter

'Puter has a nasty cold, dutifully provided him by the divine Mrs. 'Puter. 'Puter was whining about his minor affliction to his sister. 'Puter writes:

I heard that under ObamaCare, there will be no more colds. Or alternatively that the rich will now have to pay for your maid service while you have one.

To which 'Puter's sister replied:

I think under Obamacare you just get to give your cold to the rich people.

Like all things in life, we laugh because it's funny, and we laugh because it's true.

Mailbag Roundup

Confucius apologizes for getting behind on the mail. We’ve got a few correspondents’ with public comments that your Œc. Vol. hasn’t gotten to. Vaminos, muchachos.

• “Charlie Foxtrot” sends in a link to Paul Ryan’s great graphics on the unaffordability of ObamaCare.
  
  
• J.S. inquires “How goeth your other bracket, that of the menial NCAA tournament? I can only think that it is perfect, seeing as you own the referees and secret umpires.” No comment. Only that it makes for a crappy office pool at the Castle. Though we don’t let ’Puter hold the money any more. Let’s just say one year we never got a dime back, but the kitchen ended up with 200 50-gal. drums of ranch dressing. Disgusting.
  
  
• Dr. J checks in from the ḥajj to Mikkah in al-Lando to note that his right-of-him wife forbade his discovering the level of Obamalatry in the Hall of Presidents. She’s making us all hot and bothered. S-E-X-E.
  
  
• Dancin’ Dave F checks in noting the frontal-cortex-collapsing idiocy of a Peter King Sports Illustrated column in which he praises Congress for passing the health-care bill a couple paragraphs after spending 450+ words bitching about the service he gets on Amtrak.

Ok, we should be current. Apologies if your letter has been lost or languishing. The Volgi has been up to his 烏紗帽 in sorcery of late.

Re: Liberal Media Still Believes Name-Calling Lie

Confucius* says, I don't want to blow your mind, cats and kittens, but you know the story the Czar is commenting on, where some liberal Democrats walked through a crowd of Tea Partiers and came out claiming they’d been spat upon and called nasty slurs, yet there appears to be no evidence that it actually happened?

Ok, not to go through the looking glass, people, but please ask yourself why high-profile liberal Democrats are walking through the Tea Partiers, rather than being driven in through the Capitol Police-controlled entrance points? Do you think it might be in the hope that the Evil Redneck Racist Teabaggers® would be driven into paroxysms of Hate® and start throwing around The N Word®, etc.? And then when it didn’t happened, they decided to go along with the story anyway, because they knew the media would buy into the narrative?

Nah.

*For those who came in late: Confucius is the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi.
Evil Redneck Racist Teabaggers® is a trademark of MSNBC, LLC. Used with permission.

Castle G on screen

As we’ve mentioned, treacherous Frenchman (do we repeat ourself?) and Gormogon buddy, Luc Besson, took a bunch of “home movies” around Castle Gormogon and is now using them in his new movie, La Femme Indiana Jones or something. Here’s the newest bit he’s released. Apparently, he’s even written stuff he saw around here into the screenplay. Revivified Egyptian-mummy butler? Sure he thought of that independently.

Anyway…c’est beau…

Let Us Not Get Ahead of Ourselves

The Czar likes Daniel Foster, and would not only welcome him to the Castle, but would even allow him to leave intact.

However, Mr. Foster reports on a short-sided study that reveals, après le weekend, that if the November elections were held tomorrow, the Democrats would be crushed in a landslide.

Unfortunately, the source only meant that figuratively.

But the problem with this thinking is multi-fold:

1. The elections are held, naturally, in November, and not tomorrow. The Democrats are dead wrong in treating us as stupid; but give us enough time, and our hatred seeps away and we get a little more forgiving. November could easily seem like next year for all the time that will elapse.

2. This is over-estimating the Republican response. This weekend showed the Republicans that the nation has called: and believe the Czar, the GOP is ready to galvanize, unify, and solidify what will surely be a totally lukewarm response. If it were the Czar, and not Michael Steele, the head of the GOP would be capitalizing on this weekend with an onslaught of press releases, public statements, Youtube videos, pop talk show junkets, MTV counter ads, and viral media recounting everything that the troika of Pelosi, Reid, and Obama have done to hide, bully, shortcut, circumvent, sneak, twist, lie, and distort the entire process. Instead of banging the healthcare drum in a sonorous but monotonous solo, take advantage of the room full of complete drumsets they just handed you. Everyone running for office—and many of those who are not—need to become Ginger Baker and crash the Zildjians in some 45-minute Cream solo. Instead, we might get Tim Pawlenty doing a zither arrangement of “Polly Wolly Doodle.”

3. As Healthcare Deform kicks in, little by little, expect to see Obama et al. bump up in the polls. Why, right on schedule!

4. As Immigration comes up, expect to see a pointedly bipartisan effort begin. As the Czar commented to the Mandarin on Monday, Democrats are arguing to reform immigration but not provide general amnesty; the Republicans are arguing for no general amnesty, but admit there is a need to reform immigration. How far apart do you think these two sides are? As a result, Democrats will play that up, enlisting Hollywood and the Half-Brain army, and the Democrats will see a bump in popularity. And what do you know, a seven-point crest. Still in the crapper, but you see the result here.

We have a really, really, really long way to go, and so far only the Democrats are capitalizing on the time.

The Czar & the Jews (Oy!)

One always hesitates to disagree with the Czar, but the fact is while Jews vote the way they want, they overwhelmingly want to vote for Democrats. Jews have voted in overwhelming numbers for the Democratic candidate since the Progressive Era (after voting overwhelmingly for Republicans from 1860, not unlike black Americans’ volte-face since the 1960s). It wasn’t Wilsonian Zionism that brought the Jews into the D column but the Progressivism which he embodied at home. Socialism was extremely popular among Eastern European immigrant Jews who entered into political life for the first time in the early years of the twentieth century. Viz:

“The last Republican presidential candidate to win a plurality of the Jewish vote was Warren Harding in 1920 (when Socialist candidate Eugene V. Debs took an estimated 38 percent to Harding's 43 percent and Democrat James Cox's 19 percent). Between 1928 and 1948, Democrats Al Smith, Franklin Roosevelt, and Harry Truman won at least 75 percent of the Jewish vote, at times gaining as much as 90 percent of the Jewish vote.” (Source)

And of course, one can always cite the famous aperçu of the great Jewish sociologist of American Jews, Milton Himmelfarb, “Jews earn like Episcopalians and vote like Puerto Ricans.”

Nixon was quite popular in the Zionist segment of the Jewish community, i.e., those for whom the welfare of Israel is an important voting issue. Carter (and his heir Mondale) drove the most Jews to the Republican column in the modern era—though a significant number also took refuge with Liberal Republican running as Independent John Anderson in 1980.

There are two segments of the Jewish population that vote Republican. Those are, the Orthodox (only about 10% of the Jewish population), émigrés from the Soviet Union (for obvious reasons, but also a relatively small group). Younger Jews are more Republican than their elders, but that only comes out to about a third of Jews under forty. Over the last several elections, the Democrat has received:

Clinton ’92: 80%
Clinton ’96: 76%
Gore ’00: 79%
Kerry ’08: 74%
Obama ’08: 78%

As you can see here, the only Republican since Harding to even get 40% was Ike.

The Volgi, who spends a fair amount of time with members of the Tribe, sees no particular hope for the GOP to even get 30% of the vote any time soon. The obvious affinity for Israel in the GOP and on the right in general has probably gained some, but not many votes. Why this is so, given the Democratic-party mandarinate tends to be pro-Palestinian if not outright anti-Israel, is something that’s attracted a lot of attention.

Norman Podhoretz has dedicated what one assumes is an insightful new book on the topic, Why Are Jews Liberals? (whence I stole the pull quotes). Maybe we’ll check it out for the next Gormogon Book Club.

Jewish American Voting

So Operative DT writes in to ask the Czar what the hell is up when America’s Jewish population votes in massive numbers for Barack Obama, when the President has continuously propped up Iran while bitch slapping Israel around. The answer is not too complicated.

Jews, like Catholics, tend to vote whichever way they want.

Historically, Jews tended to vote from party to party as they wanted but generally favored Republican candidates since the very first (Lincoln). It was not until the early 20th Century that this rather changed.

Wilson advocated a League of Nations, which Jews hoped would end centuries of abuse in Europe. They voted for Wilson. Wilson responded by nominating Louis Brandeis to the Supreme Court, and recognized Jewish claims in Palestine. ולסנ, they said, ער איז אונדזער פריינד It can be hard to argue with that.

Roosevelt declared war against Nazi Germany, cementing the Jewish love of the Democratic Party. Truman, with his push for the United Nations and the formation of Israel, naturally enjoyed the same support. Carter’s tagalong involvement with the Israeli-Egyptian peace treay and Clinton’s pressure to have Jordan recognize Israel were key factors in keeping Jewish voters democratic.

Conversely, Nixon terrified them from his Unamerican McCarthy years. The elder Bush actually “forced” Israel to take scud hits from Iraq (which strategically was the right move to hold the coalition together; however, many American Jews felt it made Israel look impotent). And George W. Bush’s close relationship with Saudi royalty made American Jews very uncomfortable.

But, like Catholics, they do not vote as en bloc. The business élite among American Jews have always voted Republican—notably Reagan and both Bushes. Younger jews however are now turning increasingly Republican as well.

However, support for President Obama is eroding quickly. Obama entered the political scene at the same moment his mentor, Jeremiah Wright was screaming anti-semitic nonsense, and lately the President is seen to be cool at best—and anti-Israeli at worst—among American Jews.

The Jewish vote is something the GOP has never counted on; despite the fact no Republican president has ever overtly acted against Israel’s interests, they haven’t done anything spectacular either. Now would be a good time for a bigger, more-welcoming Republican party to start making some clear pro-Israel statements. A little love for Israel goes a long way in winning elections.

Free Stuff!

Everyone loves free stuff. Who wouldn't? After all, it's free! At least that's the belief of 'Puter's eleven year old whelp 'Puter, Jr. This belief also seems to be prevalent among Democrats and others with an eleven year old's world view.

'Puter postulates the three following attributes of free stuff:

1. It's free for a reason. It's either broken, useless, dated, dangerous or some combination of all of the above. This is an attribute of just about any government "health and human service" you can name.

2. Nothing's truly free. There are always hidden costs. In New York, the gubbamint runs commercials about SCHIP (welfare insurance for children in families making up to $88,000 per annum), claiming eligible folks should run out and get it because it's free! Horseshit. 'Puter's paying for your lumpy self to eat food-stamp Cheetos, watch Judge Judy and spit out kids like a demented Pez dispenser. Hell, 'Puter should be able to consider your spawn dependents for tax purposes.

3. There's never enough free stuff to satisfy the lazy and greedy. See, e.g., every major Great Society program. Hungry? Have some food stamps. No house? Here's either a free apartment or a Section 8 voucher. No insurance? Hello, Medicaid! And, for the old folks, we have Social Security and Medicare.

Free stuff was never a problem for the Greatest Generation. No one expected to be handed a thing. Hell, they'd survived WWII or the privations of the homefront. Just waking up on this side of the dirt every day was a blessing. Everything else was icing on the cake.

The spoiled rotten, never-grow-old Boomers, followed by 'Puter's messed up Gen X stood this model on its head. Most of our cohort has steadfastly refused to grow up. We've spent six years in college avoiding responsibility, had abhorrently named "starter marriages", and moved back in to Hotel Mommy when we failed at both. We've never been required to take responsibility for ourselves, much less anyone else. And this failure of maturity has been corrosive. Corrosive to ourselves and corrosive to our politics. We're entitled, dammit! Give us what we want, now, and damn the future consequences.

And it's our inability to be mature, to delay gratification, to sacrifice for the greater good, that has put us in our current bind. We'd rather be comfortable slaves of the government than rough and tumble free men and women who take great risks and reap great rewards.

So man up, America. Stop being a bunch of wusses. Go out there and make your own way. If you're going to fail, fail spectacularly. At least you will have tried. And that's more than most of our cohort can say, as they contentendly live off the free stuff provided by the labor of others, eating Cheetos, watching Judge Judy and spitting out kids like a demented Pez dispenser.

...And Now Housing

The Times is reporting that Congress is requesting President Obama to start developing a plan to replace Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Does this scare the crap out of you?

Quoth the Times:

On April 15, the Treasury Department and the Department of Housing and Urban Development will publish a list of questions seeking comment on the appropriate role of the government in housing policy and housing finance....

How about none?

HUD is a failed throwback to the social engineering experiments of the 1950s and 1960s, which resulted in catastrophic crime and urban blight (at least in Chicago); the last vestiges of this abomination are being torn down in Chicago to make way for Starbucks, condos, and Walgreens.

Of course, that won’t be the answer given by Democrats. Just as healthcare miraculously became a god-given right, so too will housing.

But not so fast: even Tim “My first day on the job never ends” Geithner is correct in suggesting that (a) the real estate market is in the crapper right now, (2) you would not want to rush into this in the best of times, and (π) nationalizing them Europeanly would not work. In fact, Geithner is wondering whether a Bush-era concept of making them act like a public utility (some regulation but otherwise act as a monolithic free market entity) could work.

The best idea, the Czar found, was the National Association of Realtors’ suggestion that the federal government charters them into a low-profit entity and then get the hell out of the way. And an additional great comment—worth of memorization by Republicans and Democrats alike in politics—is by Robert Dewitt of the National Multi Housing Council, who simply wants “a balanced housing policy that doesn’t measure success solely by how much homeownership there is.”

Random 'Puter Thought For The Day

'Puter was sitting in Mass two weeks ago and noted that the psalm (Ps. 34:5) touched on the issue of fear. "I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears."

Since we're discussing fear, a supermajority of Americans is now terrified that the economy is on the brink of collapse. And, as a corollary, Americans think politicians have absolutely no plan for how to fix the problem.

It may be that only the Lord can deliver us from this mess our elected betters have created.

Good times.

Liberal Media Still Believes Name-Calling Lie

From the Chicago Sun-Times’ Mary Mitchell, who still fears white people, we see the liberal media just cannot give up a great myth:

Before the critical vote, House Democrats were heckled, cursed and spit on by people who were opposed to the legislation that will reform the country's health system.
Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.), a civil rights icon, was called the "n" word. Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.), an openly gay congressman, was called the "f" word. And Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.) was spit on and called the "n" word.

A white male was detained by a Capitol police officer for allegedly spitting.

After escorting Cleaver into the Capitol building, the officer went back and escorted the spitter to Capitol Police Headquarters.

"The congressman was asked to come in and identify the person which spat, but he did not choose to do so and did not want to press charges," said Danny Rotert, a spokesman for Cleaver.

You wonder why he didn’t. Probably because the incident never happened. Actually, there is no probably about it. The three representatives made the entire story up.



Watch the video of the entire incident. No one chants anything besides “Boo,” and “Kill the bill.” But two liberal Democrat representatives decided to play the race card and invent the assault. And Barney Frank decided that a homophobic band wagon could be just as good.

(Warning: the video is loud. Take care when listening in a public venue! Ironically, it is family safe.)

Except three US Representatives have yet to learn that video evidence works both ways: before you tell a lie, make sure there was no video.

Unfortunately for Michael Steele, who had not yet been informed that video evidence totally contradicting their claim was circulating around the internet, denounced the actions on live television Sunday morning...thereby fostering the time-proven liberal strategy “Maybe it didn’t happen, but if he apologizes for it, that’s basically saying it did happen.”

Folks need to get the word out that the media was deliberately lied to by three reps trying to build sympathy for how hard it is to screw the country. This is a far cry from a March on Selma, guys: all you did was walk past protestors from the Capitol to your cushy offices. ‘Smatter, the limo was late and you had to walk?

God knows the media will not lift a finger to fact-check anything these days, but “three US reps were called terrible names and spat upon” needs to join alligators in the sewers and canals on Mars as things nobody should bother with anymore.

Mailbag: Stupak

Gormogon operative MC writes to say:

The lovely and talented Operative SC brought this to my attention via The Corner late yesterday. It's too bad this video didn't make the rounds sooner, as the pro-life crowd wouldn't have hung all their hopes on his 'integrity'.

As someone e-mailed The Corner's K-Lo yesterday, Stupak looked like "an overmatched pitcher in a baseball game hold off a much more formidable opponent only to surrender the game-winning home run in the ninth inning." The only better analogy I could make would be to the 1919 Black Sox - he deliberately threw a hittable pitch in the ninth to lose the game.

Obama's executive order won't live through the first court challenge. My four-year-old could file a lawsuit against it in crayon and Holder will roll over and say "yeah, you're right, we'll rescind it".

"Pro-life Democrat" is as fictional as the "Easter Bunny". Stupak played a lot of people on the pro-life side for fools, but you can't say he didn't warn us - the "D-MI" was behind his name all the time.

The Czar cannot disagree, particularly with that last sentence. Stupak suggested he could only hold for so long. But Democrat Dan Lipinski—a total product of the Chicago political machine—managed to hold out all the way, along with three dozen Democrats and every single Republican. So that rings a bit hollow.

Also, the Czar quibbles not with the talented portion of SC’s respective skills, but prefers not to comment as to her loveliness, because really...if we start thinking of our operatives as actual people, we would be almost forced to start treating you better than we do.

Ghettoputer’s attitude towards technology. [Updated]

You think anyone explained to this broad what that cute little rainbow flag means?

Update: Weathered Publius writes in:

think the sign is meant to be ironic - IE. without the machine invented by a homosexual we would've lost WWII. Now, whether or not that is correct, I imagine the woman is saying we should have more gays since they create such wonderful devices.

You know, that's probably right. The ŒV assumed she was some psycho English Fred Phelps type.

Happy birthday, Angelo Badalamenti

And now for something completely different.

She’s full of secrets.

The owls are not what they seem.

We hardly knew ye. Nice Olympics, though. Thanks for that.

Farewell, Mitt.

As they cast the 216th vote last night, Nancy Pelosi and her minions also smashed Mitt Romney’s presidential ambitions. There is literally no substantial difference between Obamacare and Romneycare. The fundamentals are exactly the same: an individual mandate is placed upon all citizens to purchase health insurance, with subsidies handed out to those in the lower-income strata. And more: insurance companies cannot deny coverage based upon pre-existing conditions, and new bureaucracy is enacted to comply with the new laws.

Massachusetts has seen the future, and the verdict from the citizenry is in: it doesn’t work

Just Undo It

Buy it here.

Via Li Bai.

Who's Next?

So the Obama Administration has targeted a number of groups, largely behind outcries from the left that these organizations "make too much profit" - oil/gas companies, banks, federal IT contractors, insurance companies, etc.  I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.  It might go something like this.

AP, May 15, 2010 - Today President Obama unveiled a new program entitled HAIR (Hollywood Actors Income Reform) aimed at addressing the inequity in income derived from television and movies.  The 2009 film season, culminating in the Oscars and Emmys earlier this year, was a record breaking year in box office profits.  Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said on the Sunday talk show circuit, "these obscene profits for a system of entertainment that is broken must be stopped and President Obama is committed to changing these behaviors."  Ken Howard, president of the Screen Actors Guild, responded, "while we support the president in many of his efforts, we disagree strongly that Hollywood is broken.  We lead the world in creating stellar entertainment and we continue to revolutionize the television and film markets with technological leaps.  A super majority of patents that exist in the entertainment field are held by Americans.  Sure, plenty of people have given up on shows like Lost, Twin Peaks, 24 and Heroes because they don't have the previous episodes covered.  But the shows are still entertaining.  And really, we're talking about such a small minority of the American viewership that's affected."

The administration released an outline of the HAIR policy elements that included the following:

• 
  

  Similar to FAR §15.404-4a, paragraph 4i, item C, companies and individuals creating, developing or managing content or delivery of entertainment material in the United States shall be limited to a 10% limit on fee or profit.

• 
  

  An Entertainment Tax will be levied upon all households earning $187,156 individually or $264,345 filing jointly in the amount of $0.31 per hour of entertainment material consumption by any media (i.e. Radio, Television, internet, puppet shows)

• 
  

  A new federal agency will be created to oversee the monitoring and administration of said taxes.  This agency will have a seat on president's cabinet.

• 
  

  Every piece of entertainment material will require a majority of American unionized labor to participate at all levels from conception to final presentation.

There was a large outcry from the Reality Show PAC, who have secured 15 congressional representatives to oppose the legislation unless formal language is inserted into the final bill exempting reality shows from various requirements and fees.  President Obama said, "we will rise above our petty politics and do what is right for coach potatoes everywhere.  This bill MUST pass.  I will work tirelessly until we secure the votes needed to ensure its passage.  There is no special treatment for the likes of Brad Pitt, Michael Douglas or George Clooney anymore.  They are working Americans just like every other working American.  We all need to tighten our belts and if the greedy excesses of Hollywood can be better put towards the best boys and key grips who worked on these productions, then so be it!"

Think about it for a minute.  Sure, I'm poking fun, but the the bill that passed yesterday was no "healthcare reform" bill.  It was a wealth redistribution bill.  About 12 million people out of over 307 million (less than 4%) in this country don't have health insurance.  Eliminating pre-existing conditions for everyone?  Why not.  It's not like the individual with the expensive pre-existing condition is going to foot the whole bill - all of us are.  Insurance is an attempt at managing risk against an unforeseen, costly event.  Maybe the congress will take on auto insurance now for all the bad drivers, right?  I mean, it's not fair that a bad driver could be denied getting auto insurance after 5 or 6 costly accidents or injuries to others.  They need to get to work and drive their kids to school.  Pfffft.  This is why the people in congress need to be ousted.  The idiots making this comparison to auto insurance need to be educated.  And note, even at the liberal MSNBC website this morning, polls were showing that over 70% of people are against this bill, 54% against it completely and another 22% against this bill but wanting healthcare reform.

No coincidences

Ghetto P invokes Marta the Orion Slave Girl* romanced by Ki-Rok. Didja know she was played by classically-trained ballerina. Yvonne Craig, a/k/a… Batgirl?

She and the Volgi dated in the mid-’60s. I'm just sayin’.

*You know the famous story about how they'd get her daily rushes back and she'd have a normal skin tone? Happened for like three days. Finally someone asked the film lab. "Oh, thank God," they said. "We were going crazy. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with our process—she kept coming out green. So we were fixing it."

Ubi Caritas ...

Gormogon operative FJR reports to 'Puter from an undisclosed yurt on the central Eurasian steppes with the following observation on charity:

Since the Federal Government has decided that it is their job to be benevolent I have decided to redirect a significant portion of my charitable giving to political causes that promote liberty and freedom. My charitable giving is no longer needed since the Government will take care of our social problems.

'Puter's been wondering a bit about this as well, nudged on by his liberal, pseudo-Catholic, government-idolater friends. Please point 'Puter to a spot in scripture or in Catholic teaching where it says that you can susbstitute government programs for Jesus' individual mandate of charity. Forced "charity" is no charity at all, and negates fully the intrisic value of charity freely given.

And, as FJR reminds us, support those causes in which you fervently believe. Don't assume someone else has got it covered.

Coincidence?

'Puter thinks not. Check out this week in history:

March 21, 2010: Our Glorious Leader and his People's Patriotic Party passed possibly the most fiscally irresponsible piece of legislation in generations without a single opposition vote.

March 23, 1775: Patrick Henry standing in opposition to the Stamp Act (taxation without representation) and in favor of revolution delivers his "give me liberty, or give me death" speech in Virginia.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, "Peace! Peace!" -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!

March 22, 1931: William Shatner is born. Unlike that wuss Jean-Luc Piccard, James T. Kirk knows how to kick butt and take names. And make sweet love down by the fire to alien green chicks.

Your Gormogons remind you there is no such thing as a coincidence.

Catholics, Abortion & LeviathanCare

Gormogons Twitter follower S.E. Cupp is dead-on in her diary (in which she reveals her academic past as the curatrix of a The Greater Connecticut NKOTB Museum):

I read Kathryn Lopez’s account of the chaos among Catholics on health care reform in National Review Online. Nuns love the bill, the Bishops hate it, and surprise, surprise, there’s no consensus among Catholic voters. This rift is underscored of course by the fact that 56 percent of Catholics voted for Obama—the most progressive pro-choice president we’ve ever had—despite their insistence that life issues are the foundation of the faith. To say that Catholics need to do some soul-searching is a gross understatement.

The nun thing was a liberal press stunt, but the larger point about the Catholic electorate is right on.

Astute Gormogon readers—that's all of you, right?—will recall a previous discussion apropos a piece by the witty Miss C, on whether there is a meaningful Catholic vote anymore. The atheist pundette may have more hope than your Catholic Volgi in that regard…

I'm Stupakified......

All Bart Stupak needed to do was walk down the steps of an airplane up to the podium and announce that he held in his hand a document signed by Herr Hitler that guaranteed that their would be peace in our time. Because the piece of paper that he has from President Obama has about as much worth and credibility as the one that Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain received from the German Chancellor before the start of World War II.

The truth of the matter is:

1. The President can rescind his executive order at any time.

2. A future president can rescind his executive order.

3. The constitution prohibits the President from enacting an executive order that dictates how Congress does or does not spend money.

Two years after Chamberlain returned with his piece of paper German bombs were falling on London. In four years this healthcare bomb will fall on the U.S. economy. Hopefully we will be able to survive this blitz and be able to rebuild from the ashes.

Militant atheist James Randi says he’s gay.

Which one normally wouldn’t give a damn about, since the Gormogons have admired a lot of Randi’s work over the years, but a lot like Albert Kinsey’s “proving” (by massive statistical manipulation and outright lying) that his own carefully hidden luridly sadomasochistic homosexuality was “normal,” Randi’s vaunted skepticism about the supernatural can be read as a fear of divine judgment or a simple rejection of the traditional moral sanction against his sexual desires. Don’t take my word for it. It’s right there in his “coming-out” statement. (Site currently overloaded; excerpt from Boing Boing)

From some seventy years of personal experience, I can tell you that there's not much "gay" about being homosexual. For the first twenty years of my life, I had to live in the shadows, in a culture that was -- at least outwardly -- totally hostile to any hint of that variation of life-style. At no time did I choose to adopt any protective coloration, though; my cultivation of an abundant beard was not at all a deception, but part of my costume as a conjuror.
Gradually, the general attitude that I'd perceived around me began to change, and presently I find that there has emerged a distinctly healthy acceptance of different social styles of living -- except, of course, in cultures that live in constant and abject fear of divine retribution for infractions found in the various Holy Books... In another two decades, I'm confident that young people will find themselves in a vastly improved atmosphere of acceptance.

One of course regrets the difficulty Mr. Randi has had in his life, but if a conservative figure had been arguing a “principled” position that served to justify with his own concealed vices, can one imagine his been let off or celebrated? Say Rush Limbaugh had been arguing the libertarian position for no-fault divorce and drug legalization. Does anyone think his multiple marriages and hillbilly-heroin addiction would be treated as irrelevant or sympathetic? Only insofar as they could be used to force him to have a “Come away from Jesus,” public, left-wing conversion. This doesn’t mean that Hypothetical Limbaugh—or actual Randi—is necessarily wrong on the merits of easy divorce, drugs, or the non-existence of God, just that the one will be celebrated as vigorously as the other would have been bashed—and that the secrecy with which their apparently hidden agenda has been screened treated as evidence of society’s cruelty in the one case and sheer cravenness in the other.

Has Randi’s life work been driven in an effort to discredit the morality which condemns his personal shame? One has no idea and certainly hopes not. But if his secret had been politically incorrect, you can bet it’d be trumpeted from the rooftops and he’d be treated as conclusively, permanently discredited—a weak, perhaps wicked man attacking the social order in a form of sublimated, deceitful self-justification.

A Different Kind of March Madness

As much as it pains one to write this, Speaker Pelosi managed to get the necessary votes together to pass the Senate bill. And now that evil hybrid (the bill, not Pelosi) is on its way back to the Senate for their vote. This was without doubt the greatest hurdle for the worst piece of legislation in recent history.

As you know by this point, it passed by only three votes, all of which were supplied by the Stupak holdouts. Rep. Stupak was adamant against passing this bill because the language clearly was pro-abortion, and concluded that no matter how one analyzes the text of the bill, taxpayers are going to pay for abortions. But then, at the last minute, President Obama told Stupak that he would write what legally amounts to a memorandum saying that won’t be the case, and Stupak ignored the events of the last couple years of Washington politics in order to swallow that one whole.

Difficulties still remain for the bill, however, but crushingly they are nothing more than partisan delay tactics. Certainly, scanning the morning headlines, you would very much expect that everyone in the world is a millionaire, today, by the gushing text. That only helps encourage acceptance of bad legislation.

Worse, the likelihood is that Congressional Republicans may stop fighting the good fight after this one. Immigration reform? Turns out that both parties are not terribly far apart on that one. Other pending programs? Well, neither party has been following those very closely. Believe it: Cap and Trade passed because a large percentage of those in Congress did not even understand it.

No, healthcare was the big kahuna—and a whopping one. No topic has ever revealed the true motivations of either party so sharply before. For the social critics who like to say there is no practical difference between Democrats and Republicans, this one will be hard to spin away. Each side performed as expected. Even the so-called RINOs realized this one was bad.

The Czar cannot in good conscience even blame Americans for missing the big picture here: by and large, Americans hate this bill. They made it very clear. They sustained that hatred.

By now you have heard all the wonderful aspects to this bill—kids up to age 26 can stay on their parents’ plans, seniors can expect a $250 check in the mail, and so on—because the backers of the bill hope you won’t remember any of the bad stuff when the taxes kick in. The Czar will give slight credit to the press here: although they are reporting only the good, awesome, unicorn flatus coming out of the bill, it’s because these are the only things the repugnantly secretive Pelosi is allowing to be leaked out.

Fortunately, the plan to delay the onset of taxes and Medicare cuts gives enough leeway for that to backfire. The GOP has universally acclaimed that repealing this monstrosity before the changes are locked in will be their major campaign goal. While a full repeal will be impossible—assuming that the reconciliation amendments get approved—due to the thousands of tiny but significant tax law changes that will follow, that should play very well with the independent voters who clearly dislike this legislation. A galnvanized republican response may sadly be what the party has needed: so far, the candidates have been vocal, factual, and unified on their plan to repeal this mess as well as push through the real reforms that were first suggested in the Clinton administration. So some real good may come out of this.

But right now, it looks pretty bad for us, and ABCNews, which is fawning over this passage, still points out that the President’s obsession on healthcare has hurt the rest of the world by ignoring serious foreign policy issues.

Madness.

Round Two Complete!

Wow, big weekend, huh? Putin won by forfeit after Rahm Emanuel died unexpectedly of a hideous, fast-acting cancer from acute α-radiation effects of some ²¹⁰Po which made its way into his PowerBar. President Obama has submitted the Rahm F.N. Emanuel Memorial Safe Food Act for the nationalization of the entire agricultural sector.

Hello Kitty willed Shaun White, the X-Games, and large swaths of Central Asia into a black hole.

Jenny McCarthy gave John Edwards an erection to powerful, it rendered him permanently autistic.

Nosferatu bled Robert Gibbs white, but found him an unsatisfying, nigh bloodless, meal.

Also, something happened in Congress, right? I’m sure we’re all winners.



So, for the next round, you get to vote! Whom do we resurrect through the Volgi’s necromantic mojo? Remember—they’re going up against Nosferatu. Vote wisely, young operatives.

RESURRECTION THE FIRST

Whom do we bring back?

Rahm
Shaun
Luc
Edwards
Barney
Hugo
Keith
Nancy
Sean
Dear Leader
Steele
Stupak to watch him die

Round One Complete!

Thanks for all the feedback by e-mail. Enjoy.

The first-round results are in. In case you missed it, Vladimir Putin had Barney Frank shot on the front walk outside his house, and Rahm Emanuel pliéd his foot into Ban Ki-Mun's larynx. Shaun White upset Sean Penn in a shocking first-round upset—apparently his younger constitution metabolizes certain performance-retarting substances better. Hello Kitty annihilated Kim Jong-Il, the entire Democratic People's Republic of Korea, and devastated a huge adjoining swath of Manchuria.

Luc Besson’s mastery of special effects allowed him to do some awful things to Nancy Pelosi’s computer-generated face. Jenny McCarthy pulled out some old pictures, destroying John Holdren. John Edwards knocked off—and possibly knocked up—Hugo Chávez, and Robert Gibbs simply faxed Keith Olbermann the talking point “lose.” Jesse Jackson was viciously exsanguinated by 1920s Germany’s leading vampire.

A Break From Healthcare Stress

Well, today is the critical healthcare vote—sort of a last stand between progressivism and capitalism, really. As of the time the Czar writes this, the gap between the two positions has narrowed incredibly, but the NO votes still lead.

Lest we get too upset, remember that we are Americans, and that means even in the face of a dangerous struggle, despite the severity of the odds, we can still groove to a dang decent tune.

Behold: Edison Lighthouse with their greatest hit...1970’s “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes).” Yeah, your kids won’t get this on Radio Disney. And even though this was a minor, inconsequential hit on the radio that most of you forgot all about, it’s still better than anything the Jonas Brothers have done.

Minority Rules

Let us do some math. There are 300 million Americans, say.

The Obama administration claims that 46 million people lack health insurance.

Wait, though: it turns out that this industry number included 10 million illegal aliens.

So 36 million Americans lack health insurance.

However, many of those people could be insured, but choose not to be. In fact, we found that 34,600,000 Americans could have insurance, but feel they do not need it, or are able to purchase their own medical services out of cash.

So 1.4 million people are uninsurable, which is different from uninsured. These are folks who have been denied coverage and, we assume, would like it.

But 200,000 of them are covered by special risk pools in 38 state programs.

So 1.2 million people can not get the coverage they desire. That happens to be same number of people working in this country for minimum wage. And the same number of people hired for the 2010 Census. The same number of Americans suffering from macular degeneration. The same number of Italian Americans who served in the United States Army in World War II.

And thus, the math comes out like this: 53% of Americans oppose 99.6% of Americans paying for 0.4% of the country’s healthcare bills.

So the logic extended by the Progressive liberals in the healthcare bill make an argument that the majority does not rule in America. Consequently, their logic extends, reductio ad absurdumly:

» People on minimum wage should be given a $60,000/year salary.

» All Americans shall work for the Census.

» All Americans shall receive a seeing eye dog.

» Italian should have been the default language for all training, operations, and documentation in United States Army between 1941 and 1945.

This might also explain why so many Americans are ticked with Congress right now. Because the logic is this stupid.

ACORN is Dead! Long Live acorns!

ACORN is going bankrupt.

At least, that’s the story we are being sold.

Call the Czar a bit skeptical here. A teleconference between officials is allegedly being held this weekend to review the steps necessary to break up and dissolve the wantonly corrupt and apparently vote-buying/rigging organization.

Cause of celebration? Not so fast, spake the Czar. Let us consider some possibilities. Acorn has proven intensely effective at its ability to bring in Democratic votes. Does anyone believe the Democrats will let this simply go away? They have held onto affirmative action and variations of Jim Crow dependencies for decades. The Democrats will need this group to be around.

“Over the last six months, at least 15 of the group’s 30 state chapters have disbanded and have no plans of re-forming” so what’s the big deal?

Read on: “The California and New York chapters, two of the largest, have severed their ties to the national group and have independently reconstituted themselves with new names. Several other state groups are also re-forming outside the Acorn umbrella, and will not be affected if the national organization files for bankruptcy.”

ACORN is not going away. Rather, it got too big for its own good and drew attention to itself. On the other hand, envision a network of smaller cells, each quietly controlled by the same special interests and politicians, but much, much harder to track or investigate.

This would be way too much work for the mainstream media to follow, assuming they would even bother. As a result, the corruption can increase without any one organization screwing the others. The mob divides itself into families for exactly the same reasons: if the Las Vegas family goes down, the Chicago family sits comfortably well.

Also similar to organized crime is amount of internal problems. The fact is that ACORN was going to fail anyway, even without O’Keefe and Breitbart: the organization was so plagued with internal fraud and embezzlement that it was now unsustainable. The mob had the same problem; but breaking the organization into smaller groups now limits how much any one individual can exploit the system from within.

The acorns have alreay been planted: “Acorn’s sudden demise, supporters say, has left a vacuum in services for communities that used to rely on it for free advice on employment, tax and loan matters.” Vacuum is the magic word: nature abhors one, so all these new social service groups will suddenly pop up to fill the void left by ACORN...except, of course, all these new social service groups will really be splinter organizations run by the same people under the same rules for the same dark purposes. That comment is the set up tip off: the public will be clamoring for these services, and consequently will not look too deeply into the process. Some of these groups might even proclaim themselves to be in competition: but they naturally will not be.

So, this is hardly good news. It actually makes the corruption harder to find.