Re: Why Big Media Is Failing

Lovely Female Co-Worker submits her article for the front page of tomorrow's Democrat and Chronicle.

Woman Enjoys Pickle for First Time in Decade

After accidentally killing her husband in a grilling accident ten years ago, Susie Smith was without a man to open the lids on her jarred foods.

"I just wasn't strong enough to get those darn lids off, so I gave up. I stopped buying pickles. I missed them."

Last week, Susie finally figured out how get the remote control to the TV to work after years of hitting on the coffee table and whining and complaining that it had too many buttons. She saw a commercial for revolutionary product that would solve her pickle predicament. The jar opener. Unable to control her shopping addiction like so many other women, she ran right out to buy one.

"It's this little rubber sheet that grips the lid while you twist. It popped right off! I couldn't control my tears."

Susie now spends her days perfecting the art of pickle grilling.

[Lovely Female Co-Worker], freelance BS writer

'Puter smells a Gormogon contest coming on! What say you, O Great and Lofty Czar?