On the Seventh Day of Christmas

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Seven GorTs a traveling

six Man'drin Bootings
five Gor-mo-gons
four bags of mail
three Guest Spots
two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

I do a lot of traveling (time and otherwise) and if there is one thing that rings true it is that history is to be learned from and without that knowledge it tends to repeat itself.  Those that show ignorance to this or blame others are not the geniuses that they are usually made out to be.  It shouldn't be hard to infer the subjects of whom I speak.

On a side note, I would encourage our dear readers, particularly those in the U.S., to take time and travel and see the different parts of the country.  It's educational and in parts awe-inspiring.  Just make sure to bring some trash bags and Brawny towels.

“I’d like to express my existential rage through interpretive dance.”

Confucius’s brother Li Bai writes:

From the Washington Post today:

After their release from Guantanamo, Shihri and Rubaish, both of whom trained and fought with al-Qaeda in Afghanistan, were sent to a Saudi rehabilitation program that uses dialogue and art therapy to reform militants. In February, the Saudi government released a list of 85 most wanted Saudi terrorists. At least 11 were graduates of the program, including Shihri and Rubaish.

Well, it works for Jack Handey:

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

And More on Israel

Borepatch writes in to say that an earlier prediction by the Czar may be coming true, provided on what happens in Iran.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Six Man'drin Bootings
five Gor-mo-gons

four bags of mail
three Guest Spots
two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

Here's a quick recap of the six most recent bootings by the Mandarin.  We keep these on record just in case someone complains that they didn't get booted (and then they get doubly booted - sometimes 'Puter kneels behind them and the Mandarin boots them over 'Puter into Sleekstak's caldron brewing something).

6.  George Lucas - the Mandarin ran into him in passing at LAX and booted him screaming, "yeah, right, you had all nine episodes of Star Wars all thought out?  Midichlorians!  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Georgie-boy!"  BAM!  Booted.

5.  Veep Biden - he gets booted on a regular basis.  The thought here is that he can't give away the secret location of the Castle nor of the upcoming Gormogonicon 2010.  Out of breath = can't give away secrets.  Therefore, the booting continues.

4.  Kanye West - ok, look, the Mandarin is a closet fan of Taylor Swift.  Seriously.  He's got the poster up in his room at the Castle.  He tries to hide it, but sometimes when traveling back from some other time, I miss the geostationary spatio-temporal landing pad and end up in his room.  Must be something else he's working on causing the interference.

3.  Dat Ho and Sleestak - regular bootings.  Just a matter of course.

2.  Charlie Sheen - with all of his cheating, drugs, and other vices, this is almost like having morning coffee for the Mandarin.  Wake up.  Turn off alarm clock.  Boot Charlie Sheen for thinking about marrying Denise Richards.  Take shower.  Shave.  Boot Sheen again for The Chase....

1.  Any democrat member of Congress, and sometimes some of the republicans - after Cash for Clunkers, the Technicolor Stimulus Bill, and Healthcare, the Mandarin is so livid that booting becomes as instinctive as breathing.

So, you better be good for goodness' sake or he'll boot you in the gut.

“Iranians Want Regime Change”

If the protesters shake off the yoke of theocracy and savagery, their success could herald the failure of political Islam way beyond Iran. At this turning point in history the West has no logical alternative but to unequivocally support the Green Revolution. The fate of this movement far outweighs the useless nuclear talks that will only buy the regime time and undeserved international legitimacy. The demonstrators in Iran on Dec. 7 rightfully exclaimed: “Obama, are you with them [the regime] or with us?” History will not judge him lightly if he chooses the wrong side.

—Afshin Ellian, WSJ Europe.

And Tom Arnold As The Nuclear Bomb?

Will James Cameron make a sequel to Avatar?

According to Aaron Water in the Muscovy Times’ Entertainment section (not available on line), Mr. Cameron has other interests first:

Actually, I'm much more interested in pulling a, you know, a George Lucas and remaking a film or two. I'm really wanting to re-do True Lies, this time from the perspective of Salim's group.

Basically, something like...we see Salim's character at home in Palestine, where we see him hit hard by the Israelis, and how he sees all of this, yeah, as US oppression and whatever, and how he legitimately has this beef, right, with America?...And so, the US sends Harry Tasker out to, to basically take him out like we saw, but this time Harry sees what Salim is going through, and Harry...more or less signs on, switches sides, and then takes on the Omega guys...[Art] Malik is not necessarily right for the part, and I don't think I'm going to get Arnold [Schwarzenegger] at this point [laughs]. But it'd be good to get like a...Taylor Lautner or even Alan Cumming to be Salim...with Chris Pine doing Harry....I'm not sure I could do The Abyss as easily, since we pretty much did that where the Benthic team kind of sides with the aliens against the military already.

No word on whether Cameron would also stick with 3D technology.

Mad News Roundup

Wow. Where does the Czar start?

Well, the President is apparently ticked over the Amsterdam-Detroit terrorism plot because (a) it actually was terrorism—not a man-caused disasters—on his freaking watch, (b) because it might have been prevented had he appointed a couple of key positions rather than flit about the world accepting medals for good looks, (c) it exposed how soft the US is on fighting what should be an offensive war rather than a defensive one, and (d) proved that, yeah, Western-educated males of pseudo-Islamic beliefs seem to be 99.9% of the problem here. The President has vowed to fix this “intelligence gap.” That intelligence gap would begin, no doubt, with his appointment of the shockingly delusional Janet Napolitano as head of the DHS.

In other bad news, your Chekist хуй, Vlad Putin is openly threatening the United States. You recall, when Obama was accepting his Nobel prize with his speech about “if we all just held hands, we couldn’t push a button on a bomb,” Russia launched a test ICBM straight over Norway. And even though Obama baked him a nice plate of no-missile-shield cookies, Putin basically stated that the President’s cockiness would “immediately be stepped up in real politics and in the economy,” the Russian word for which is wuss.

And if the Mean Girls crowd wasn’t big enough for our cheerleading captain, China has executed a British citizen with minimal due process. Britain, which as a momentarily leftist country loves China and everything she does, was shocked with the news. The British say that the delightful father of three was mentally unfit to stand trial. The Chinese say that a man smuggling a crapload of heroin into China who has his bipolar condition under medical control is, in essence, a criminal, who was found guilty in a legitimate trial, the penalty for which is, well, you know. The British no doubt wondered why, if the man so terribly guilty, the Chinese didn’t send him to Libya with a full pardon.

And it looks like our Bizarro World State Department is picking the Washington Generals to beat the Globetrotters yet again. Iran, with whom the President wanted open and honest discussions and with whom he has been perfectly clear will be subject to some sort of vague idea about unspecified sanctions over their nuclear program, continues to remain silent when the government there is teetering on collapse. As your Volgi reported, this is no understatement: the goddamned escape flight paths are logged and luggage is already packed. Just when the United States could transform the world with a simple “We believe in the people of Iran,” our State Department sends the mollahs a regifted invitation to join the beer of the month club. Clearly the President’s Iranian plan for the future of world peace is so stunningly elaborate it can only be understood in a plane of higher dimensions. One doubts our own dear Mandarin can make sense of it.

Finally, for our ever-thickening Whiskey Tango Foxtrot file, comes a story of Illinois politics. Think all the fun left when Rod Blagojevich got spanked? Heck no! Proving that the Illinois GOP is just as weird as the Illinois Democratic Party comes the story of senatorial candidate Andy Martin; Mr. Martin, dropping badly in the polls behind GOP superstar Rep. Mark Kirk, decided to take out a radio advertisement about why you might not want to vote for Mark Kirk. Rep. Kirk made a lot of controversial votes as a Representative in DC...plus, he’s “gay.” While people on both sides of the aisle responded with a solid Whaaaaaa?, Martin defended his accusation based on (ahem) “a solid rumor on the Internet.” Rep. Kirk was also surprised by the accusation, and it is doubtless the first he or his wife and family have heard of it. That said, one should remember that Martin once tried to run for office in order to “eliminate Jew power in America.” Finally, the Illinois GOP smartened up and said this guy is no longer allowed to declare himself a member of the Republican Party (at least a decade too late). We wish Andy Martin good luck in his new career as a warehouse clerk at a suburban auto parts store.

The Loser Factor

In the context of Nidal Hassan, we have previously discussed the Loser Factor in jihadi fanatics—and those willing to commit atrocities for a Cause to give their empty lives meaning. Turns out Abû-Flamingpântsî fits the profile there as well as the “Western-educated middle- or upper-classs Muslim” factor discussed the other day. Boing Boing (a site almost invariably far from your Gormogons’ in politics) conveys the following e-mail, one of many dug up by Wired Danger Room from his online life. Sad, yes? Excuse for an atrocity? Join me after the block quote.

Basically, the problem I'm having is that I've been having extreme loneliness...for many years. I don't really know what to do because I'm not the type who likes to go out much, and I'm just shy and quiet. Even on the internet, I don't feel comfortable posting much because it exposes myself. Sometimes people are so mean.



So I'm trying to figure out what to do. I just wish I had someone to give me attention and stuff. I wish I had someone who would be there to listen to me, and always be nice to me. It really hurts to have someone neglect me or be mean. Unfortunately, a weakness of mine is that I'm sensitive, but I think I became more sensitive after something bad happened some years ago.

“Get crazy with the Cheez Whiz.”I wish I had at least one nice person to talk to, maybe over e-mail or Messenger. Of course, if I could find someone to marry, then Insha'Allah I would have someone in real life to give me all the attention and affection I wanted. So far, the families we've met aren't interested in me, though.

Your honor, I call as an expert witness Special Agent Will Graham of the FBI from Michael Mann’s film adaptation of Thomas Harris’s Red Dragon.

JACK CRAWFORD
You feel sorry for him.

WILL GRAHAM
As a child, my heart bleeds for him. Someone took a little boy and turned him into a monster. But as an adult… as an adult, he's irredeemable. He butchers whole families to fulfill some sick fantasy. As an adult, I think someone should blow the sick fuck out of his socks.


One of course hopes Mr. Abdulmutallab repents and joins the side of civilization against murderous barbarism, but until he does, pack up the SPF 200 for Gitmo, son.

The real health-care problem.

Demand-side cost control? Ha.

Via Big Government.

Iranian leadership ready to bug out?

Well, if the good folks at Planet Iran are right, the mollahs are at least laying the groundwork for a, well, permanent vacation in sunny Russia. Here’s what they claim is a redacted document from the Iranian National Security Agency describing the readiness of “the inspection, check up and preparation of the aircraft, destination Russia, for the purpose of transporting the Supreme Leader, his esteemed family and various officials of the Revolutionary Guards” in the event the government falls.

Read their translation at the above link.

The Title Was Never Official Anyway

British Charity Worker Wins ‘Best Job in the World’

‘Best Job in the World’ Winner Stung by Deadly Jellyfish

What really sucks is that it technically happened on the job, for those who believe in kárma.

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Five Gor-Mo-Gons!
four bags of mail
three Guest Spots
two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

Ok, like you expected something else for this day?  Yep.  All five of us are enjoying the holiday season and we will continue to regale you with entertaining, illuminating and random bits of information as 2010 unfolds.

We'll Just Change Our Own Rules When We Need To

Gormogon mad scientist MC writes in with this scary thought in response to the Czar’s suspicions about the Democrats in 2010 and following:

Most eloquent Czar,

One other possibility, which came to mind after reading Sen. Nelson's letter to the editor in today's Omaha World-Herald.

Suppose in 2012 (or 2010 even?) than the realization comes to the 30M that the pain is front-loaded and the gain is at the end. So what will be the Democrats' solution? Bring the gain forward! Start the benefits now! It's not fair otherwise, and who really cares about the 10-year numbers anymore. "We" voted for the reform, this is just a tweak to make it fair. Nobody really intended to have 10 years of taxes for six years of benefits. Just a little adjustment, doesn't change much. Lie back and enjoy.

Sen. Nelson says this bill isn't really a special deal for Nebraska, as other states can get the same deal if they only ask for it prior to its effective date of 2017. Surely in the next seven years the other states can get their collective asses in gear and latch on to this teat too. After all, Harry says that senators who didn't get a special deal are just slackers. We'll just make it fair for everyone. Don't worry about the debt we're racking up - Uncle Hu and the PRC will cover it.

This is all just a foot through the damn door. Put a 9mm hole in it now, before the rest gets in.

Note that our last two ex-Senators (Kerrey and Hagel) have chosen to live elsewhere in retirement. With good reason. I'm hoping Sen Johanns can avoid the seemingly-inevitable brain wipe that caught the others.

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Four Bags of Mail
three Guest Spots
two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

We get a lot of mail here at the Castle.  Each Gormogon deals with their fan (or hate) mail in their own unique way.  Follow me here on the above reference to four bags of mail when there's five main residents of the Castle.  'Puter generally lets his mail pile up.  We prod him over a few days and only when Sleestak can't bring in his morning Jack n' OJ wake up breakfast, does 'Puter actually start to deal with his correspondence.  After prying the bag away from the local Yetis who think it's some sort of feed bag, the Volgi digests his mail over several hours, looking for hidden and ancient secret codes, dissecting the grammar and translating it into six different languages in the process.
   The Mandarin has constructed an elaborate sorting machine (pictured left) for his mail.  However, after it gets sorted, he generally just kicks the piles a bunch screaming at them.  The lucky few get responses.  The Czar ends up hatcheting the mailbag and after cahooting with Eugene over the mail and its relevance to the astrological sign "Leo", he calms and usually gives a thoughtful response.  Finally, GorT has no mail.  Mailbags addressed to him are instantly digitized upon entry into the grounds of the castle.  Dat Ho monitors the mail queue and when it starts to reach a critical level he signals GorT to take a break from time-traveling to write back.

So, if you get a chance, write in, let us know what you think.  You may just see a response posted.

Attention, Hà Nội Operative #331

We have noted that your visits completely dropped off the map on the night of December the 18th. We presume you have been discovered and imprisoned. Strike Team Dragon has left Singapore on Gormogon 11.

Protocol nineteen is in effect.

ლ ☿ ☢ ☕ ䷒䷝䷜ ⌘ �� �� �� ⠟ ⠮⁂ ⸖ ⸭

Abû-Flamingpântsî [Twice Updated]

Look, Confucius isn’t going to waste your time with a lot of “gee, Homeland Security sucks,” “how did the Dutch let this guy on the plane [without a passport?],” or maunderings about the lethality of the Obama Amateur Hour. They go without saying, especially among our readership.

However, there are a couple observations about Abû-Flamingpântsî, the Nigerian al-Qâ’ida sympathizer or operative who tried to take down NWA 253, which might shed a little light on the Islamist threat with which we’re faced.

First, he was a wealthy, privileged, educated son of the West as much as he was a “Nigerian Muslim.” His affinity for “Islam” as he understands it surely did not come from a village imam outside Abuja, but from Londonistan’s fervid atmosphere among alienated expatriates (many South Asian). His alienation was likely that of an adolescent, an expatriate, and a racial minority, compounded by Western self-loathing and the morally preening “Occidentalism” he encountered throughout his higher education alongside the basic Hegelian-Marxist idea of history.

The righteous are allowed any and all means—murder, rapine, terror, suicide—they’re all sacrifices on the pyramid of Utopiopochtli.From there, it’s a short hop to Islamism, which simply displaces the proletariat (or the Volk) with the umma, the bourgeoisie (or the Juden) with the kuffâr, and interprets history as an apocalyptic clash in which Utopia (Communism, the Thousand-Year Reich, the return of the Mahdi) will be ushered in when the Good (the former) defeats the Evil (the latter) in a war so freighted with significance that the righteous are allowed any and all means—murder, rapine, terror, suicide—they’re all sacrifices on the pyramid of Utopiopochtli. In Islamism, the bloodthirstier verses of the Koran are enlisted to sacralize the ideology, and bam, you’ve got the bolsheviki and Sturmabteilung of the new century.

And an engineering student? Gormogon readers won’t be surprised.

Update: More?

The 25 suspects, of Pakistani and Somali descent, were radicalised in UK mosques.

Some had been to university and studied engineering or computer sciences.

How’s that for fitting the ŒV’s profile? Sometimes I surprise even myself…

Second update: David Pryce-Jones (in a typically well-written post) hits the same points as your Volgi:

• “Those who drive Islamism are almost all like Umar Mutallab, or Osama bin Laden, sons of men who have allowed them to grow up with unearned privilege.”
  
• “…the playboy element in what they do. The planning of suicide bombing - and to a lesser extent, its performance - has attracted a disproportionate number of qualified professionals, doctors, engineers, town planners and of course men who claim to be trained scholars of religion.”
  
• “There they find themselves without friends, lonely, in a culture that is not theirs.”
  
• “When such Muslims turn to jihad and suicide bombing they are only repaying with interest what they have learnt in lecture halls and Left-wing circles about the decadence and corruption of the West.”

Read his whole post and take to heart what we’re telling you: Islamism is not a product of traditional Muslim culture or religion. It draws on elements of it, but it is a parasitic ideology rooted in the Western philosophical tradition.

If you listen to those telling you “Islam is the problem,” you miss the real tree for the forest and your only options to defeat the problem become genocide or quarantine. Not only are those unacceptable and horrible, they miss the point. Islamists draw synergistically upon the more intolerant, militant schools of Islam (Wahhabism, Deobandism, etc.), and that is a real problem, but the fons et origo of the Islamism that is currently hell-bent on the West’s destruction is Sayyid Qutb (and before him Heidigger, Marx, Feuerbach, Hegel, et al.), not Muhammad (as problematic a exemplar as the latter is in many ways).

It is a lot more realistic and effective strategy to discredit this philosophy than to discredit Islam tout court. (Though if you insist on the latter, the place to look is the received narrative of Muhammad and the earliest caliphs.) If you want to defeat these folks, in the short term you have to convince them they can’t win, and in the long term that they’re wrong.

From The Archives

The Czar is traveling to the East today, to where the mystical pagodas bask in the eldritch sunlight of antient exoticism. He will return from Mishawaka late this evening, so in his absence, please enjoy his post from February 16, 1723.

And so Louis XV reaches his majority today, as you no doubt know from the constant yammering of the popular press about it. Forget about the Mapuche in Chile, who are probably only weeks away from armed revolt: you need not concern yourself with what they represent because hey, hey, it’s nuthin’ but a partay in France. Sheesh.

Therefore, let’s get this over with. So you have a thirteen-year-old punk who’s already set up to be married to little Infanta Victoria. As you doubtless recall, she’s only five years old and no doubt had a great deal of say in the consent. Anyway, he’s understandably not too keen on doing the garter toss and round of shots with a kindergartener, although she apparently is interested in shoving cake in his face. Bet she only eats the icing. The Czar understands Louis’ reluctance: when he was thirteen, his biggest goal was drinking an entire two-liter bottle of Coke so that he could belch out the Cyrillic alphabet. That actually started out pretty well, until we went «мягкий знак эээээээээээгггггххххх» and then put out a good liter onto the sidewalk, much to the applause of 12-year-old Miles Prower.

So you can pretty well bet Cardinal Fleury is going to find a subsitute wife pretty quick. Probably some pretty and vapid consort to produce an heir so that they stabilize a line of succession. The Czar recommends someone who is not already too tied up in European politics, because the one thing France does not need at this point is another German-speaking royal for hire. Psst: Poland?Someone needs to explain the weird stain on the kitchen counter that wasn’t there yesterday evening when the Czar went to bed.Of course, the trick will be in finding a 20-something who is more than willing to shack up with an eighth grader. Before you scoff, the Czar’s Uncle Ed was more than happy to set up arrangements like this, but experience suggests you want a woman who works for considerably more than a bowl of easily chewed food. Possibly a woman with a little class, popular with the locals, and someone unafraid to put a Eurotrash noble down once in a while.

Anyway, lots of luck to little Louis XV. He’s going to need it, or else, there’s going to be a deluge of sorts afterward.

Yuh oh.

Political ownership of the war on terrorism now rests with the people of Pakistan.

Says their prez. Well, he would, but still…Confucius says: the thought comforts not.

Is Iran disintegrating?

Well, it sure ain’t Mardi Gras. As we’ve noted hereabout, it’s very, very hard to know what’s actually going on in a closed society like Iran’s, but we can get an impressionistic idea with bootleg videos, blogging, and media outlets like Radio Azadi. And they’re all saying it’s a very unstable situation. Which is terrific, as anything that brings down the Islamic Republic will be a blessing for Iranians, a boon to the U.S., and a huge step towards peace in the region. Hezbollah and Syria may remain malignant, but without their patron, they’ll be a lot weaker force. Iraq and Afghanistan will also benefit mightily. President Erdoğan might be put out that his misbegotten “strategic depth” has just gotten a lot messier, but a Republic of Iran will get along much better with the Republic of Turkey in the long run.

But—and there’s always a but—in these situations, you’ve got the inherent problem of instability: no one knows what the hell is going to happen. If we can help guide the situation in the direction of peace, democracy, and not too much bloodshed, all the better. Many Iranians seem hungry for liberty, representative government, and a return to normalcy, but to help them, we need leverage, and the current administration has ostentatiously surrendered any leverage we have in the hopes of currying the favor of the régime that celebrates Death to America Day. Consequently, we’ve put the Iranian democrats and liberals in a more precarious situation.

The current administration has ostentatiously surrendered any leverage we have in the hopes of currying the favor of the régime that celebrates Death to America Day.Peter Collier takes down an apologist for this supine diplomacy here:

Take a moment to get this straight: it’s a good thing we have a president who, to keep himself pure for that ultimate negotiation on nukes that will never come, refrains from using some of that synthetic eloquence of his to put us on the side of people who are getting cut down in the streets. By such scurvy logic, it was wrong of Ronald Reagan to go to Moscow and speak to and about the dissidents and their heroic struggle against totalitarianism because it might have given ammunition to wardens of the gulag. And wrong to have been unequivocally on the side of Solidarity and so on.

Word smuggled out of Teheran has told us that the protestors themselves would like a little U.S. affirmation so they won’t feel they are dying in the dark. And the citizens of our own country could certainly use the reassurance about the values we stand for that strong and steadfast support of the protestors, especially after being subjected to a punishing year- long Presidential apology tour for American exceptionalism. But from Obama we only beseeching admonitions that are far too little and always too late and always undermined by the reluctance with which they are delivered.

This has become a vain, small minded and morally anemic presidency…

The good thing is it’s not too late to rally and fix this. However, the apparent doctrinaire anti-American leftism that looks to be the Obamicans’ default position on every issue dictates we probably won’t: as we are inherently evil and taint anything we touch, we must keep our hands off, even if it means consigning the people whose welfare we’re ostensibly concerned with to a restored (or all-new) despotism that is preferable to our influence because it is, after all, indigenous and authentic. Despicable. This is why you want to keep intellectuals away from the levers of power—these are delusional corners they rationalize themselves into.

A Look into Obama's Future

Jane Zhang of the Wall Street Journal has a piece on what benefits will be most obvious under the present healthcare bills. As you would expect, there isn’t a lot. And bear in mind there are present two fairly different bills in play (the House and the Senate versions) that need a lot of combining to be functional. The Czar assumes Zhang’s analysis is based on common elements between them.

Most curious is the use of the phrase “[The biggest winners are s]ome 30 million uninsured Americans that the legislation aims to cover, especially lower-income individuals who aren’t yet eligible for Medicaid, the state-federal health insurance program for the poor. But that expansion is at least three years away.”

The Czar knew that in passing, but seeing that statement rendered here made us see it anew. So the 30 million dying Americans (a number still never quite verified) will not receive Medicaid eligibility until after the Presidential elections in 2012?

Seems incredibly poor tactics to a humble amateur strategist.

You have a purported 30 million Americans who now believe that healthcare will be free for them (it will not), just as soon as these bills are merged and passed.

So let’s say a final bill is passed. It is now February or even March of 2010, and there are high fives among Pelosi, Reid, Obama, and others. What happens when the 30 million Americans discover they don’t have their free healthcare? Not today, not tomorrow, not even next year.

It is 2011, and the presidential campaigns begin to gel. Republican candidates point out the tax increases, but ask what happened to healthcare? 30 million Americans realize they are paying more in tax, but the free healthcare they expected ain’t coming today, either.

Now it is 2012, and every ten seconds of television and radio programming is a campaign message. The Obama machine is dominating the talk shows and commercial spots reminding America of His Oneness’ three greatest accomplishments as President: the changing of the NCAA system, a peace accord between East Tonga and Australia, and Healthcare Reform! This of course only reminds 30 million voters they are paying more than ever for healthcare, and next year’s free coverage isn’t looking great either.

Yes, He will blame the Republicans; but the latter should be crowing loudly that so far, taxes have gone up badly for the poor, and there isn’t going to be any free healthcare because you grazing animals voted for Democrats in 2008. And the Republicans will wave their CBO-blessed 2009 proposals before the cameras, pointing out that their solution would have demonstrably lowered costs for all Americans starting the day after passage. On election day, 2012, what exactly will voters believe at the polls?

You could well create 30 million GOP voters with this legislation.

The Democrats are a hair’s width away from accomplishing the greatest expansion of government control over private industry since World War II, and it will end up costing them just as much as the taxpayers. Incredibly poor tactical planning.

'Puter Ab Est.

'Puter apologizes to his scads of loyal readers (all three of you) for being invisible around these parts lately. Not literally, like Mandarin did to those horseshoe crabs he set on Dat Ho and Sleestak to mess with their minds, but figuratively, like in a Fitzgerald novel.

You see, 'Puter's been on vacation because he had vacation to use or lose. It's a good problem, except for the fact Mrs. 'Puter decided 'Puter needed to get some chores done around castle Gormogon, mostly involving cooking for the family and her colleagues. In between cooking, cleaning, Christmas parties and trips to the detox facility, 'Puter's had precious little time for anything else. If only Sleestak would start pulling his weight around here.

Christmas rocked around Castle Gormogon however. Sleeper gift of the year was FIFA 2010 for XBox 360. A very close second (and second only because it cannot be played with the 'Puters the Lesser) was Modern Warfare 2 for the XBox 360. And the sequel is awesome, too (thanks to GorT, whose time traveling mojo puts the "pre" in "present").

'Puter will be absent until at least tomorrow night, as he has to travel on his vacation to scenic Akron to testify for work. The judge really must want the case settled, as she scheduled a hearing on subject matter jurisdiction issues for the first work day after Christmas.

On the Third Day of Christmas...

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Three Guest Spots

and two Boxing Days
and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

We've been busy over the years.  Dat Ho was kind enough to pull out the Gormogon media guide as we sipped Brennan's (except for 'Puter who was swilling some Wild Turkey....it'll make you hoot!) around the Christmas stump.

 This is 'Puter from a few years ago (yes, he does like the orange suit) on Dave Letterman's show.  I'm not quite sure what Dave is looking at as 'Puter greets the crowd.....although who knows what 'Puter has stashed in the back pocket of that suit.

A few weeks ago, the Mandarin had me take him back to the late 50's to make a guest appearance on Johnny Carson's show.  After ranting in a few languages, the Mandarin proceeded to show his pet monkey who did tricks by hiding gold coins in Johnny's ear.  Ed was not amused.

A few weeks ago I made a guest appearance on Stephen Colbert's show.  Jon Stewart was none too pleased that he landed a Gormogon guest first.  Stephen is always good for a few good taunts.  After Al Gore cautioned Stephen about his fireplace and it's contribution to global warming, Mr. Colbert turned it off.  I was a little cold in the studio, so I used my laser eye to fire up the fireplace before I realized that it was a faux fireplace.  My fault.

Look for the Union Pay Scam

And so a UAW and AFSCME spinoff union has decided that it can simply shanghai workers into becoming members? Basically, 34,000 private day care workers suddenly found their paychecks substantially lighter—and discovered they were now hefty due-paying members of the Child Care Providers Together Michigan union...all without their knowledge. Legal? Yep: the state of Michigan played right along with it by setting up a system that any day care workers receiving even partial funding from state agencies are instantly considered state employees and therefore union members. So you can wake up unionized, even if you own the business yourself.

There are actually a couple of thoughts here.

1. How bad is it for unions right now that they have to impress people into their scam? You know, when the British Navy tried this same reasoning against American sailors, there was a quite interesting response.

2. Why is anyone surprised that any union, with the current pro-labor President of the United States turning a blind eye to all organized labor offenses, would be so bold as to pull off a scam like this?

So how do you quit a union without leaving the industry? Understandably, victims of this scam (which is what this is) are questioning its constitutionality. Heck, get the right prosecutor and you could go for a RICO case against the unions.

On the Second Day of Christmas...

...the Gormogons gave to me:

Two Boxing Days

and a Hello Kitty in an orange tree

This is the second Boxing Day that the Gormogons have been around the blogosphere posting on various topics.  Hopefully we'll been entertaining and educating for years to come.  For those in countries that don't celebrate the day, Boxing Day is traditionally the day when wealthier people gave gifts to those less fortunate.  Gifts were stored in a "Christmas Box" until this day when it was opened and the gifts were distributed.  The tradition was expanded in the UK to include gifting to laborers and servants.
So what's the take away?  First, the Gormogons strongly encourage charitable acts - if you get a chance, do what you can, even a little bit can go a long way.  Second, government mandated wealth redistribution is not charity.  There is no dispute here, the ObamaCare plan, Cap and Trade and other Obama administration initiatives that do just this are social engineering experiments and not charity.  Those that believe in the Christian teachings should not embrace this as acts of kindness in that it's not of their own choosing.

Now if we can just get Sleestak to stop hiding in the box trying to be gifted away.

Sound Familiar?

The new, youthful face of the country is determined to change the world, especially after defeating a long-standing political powerhouse. Yes, the country is hobbled by a bad economy, triggered by unsustainable real estate investments, and faces the worst unemployment in decades. As the stock markets staggers and reels under the threat of increased regulation, the bizarre solution is to go on a massive spending program—loosely described as a stimulus package—that will throw taxpayer money all over the place.

Will massive spending, when the country is already deep in debt, actually help or will it hamstring the credit markets and prolong a recession? Most folks think that spending money so recklessly during hard economic times will make things much worse. But rather than address these obvious points, the message is clear: the time for talk is over! This is legislation that will save lives.

Of course, this is Japan we’re talking about. Such a stupidly leftist approach could never happen here, could it?

There Can Be No Denying It Now

There can be no denying it now. A Nigerian man on an Amsterdam-to-Detroit flight attempted to destroy the plane as it approached Detroit. The man attempted to use what the Czar believes to be water injected by an irrigation syringe into a tube of sodium.* Instead of producing a catastrophic explosion, the container ignited into flames which burned the man. A nearby passenger subdued him, and the plane was brought in safely for a landing. Only two other passengers were reported to have injuries, both minor. The suspect is badly injured as a result of his burns.

The White House has acknowledged it as an attempted act of terrorism.And so here we are. No Fort Hood explanations about pre-traumatic stress. No rebellious youth acting out. The White House has acknowledged it as an attempted act of terrorism.

But although the suspect initially said he was affiliated with al-Qâ’ida, the FBI later denied there was any Islamic-related link...bearing in mind the man was identified as Abdul Mutallab, a 23-year-old engineering student studying in London.

Gormogon readers are plenty smart enough to draw their own conclusions.

*Update: Probably still correct. The actual explosive in question is PETN, but that is not terribly easy to detonate with any liquid alone. Water and sodium, which can produce intense flames with small amounts, could theoretically be used to ignite PETN—as we saw, not the best plan. Some sort of pressure is better, like a blasting cap, to really detonate PETN. But that would be very difficult to smuggle even through a European airport.

It is possible with the right set of circumstances to use sodium and water to detonate PETN, but it is evident that al-Qâ’ida is a bit averse to spending a lot of time and money training people for suicide missions.

Merry Christmas!

From all of us at the Castle to you, have a very happy and rewarding Christmas.


Yes, this file photo from 1985 shows why we no longer have parties at the Castle open to the public.

On the First Day of Christmas...

...the Gormogons gave to me:

A Hello Kitty in an orange tree

Over the next twelve days, join us as we share a little holiday cheer with our readers by way of a familiar holiday tune.  We'll tie days in to various past posts, insights into life in the Castle and maybe a few inside jokes with which you're just going to have to deal.

As pictured, the first ornament on the tree is Hello Kitty.  'Puter pushes through all of us to put it on the tree and stare at it for hours while the rest of us finish the decorating.  The Volgi won't go near the tree as it is a citrus tree which he fears.  Good thing too, otherwise, I think he might break the fragile ornament while screaming at it, "and yet you scream!"


The Czar and Mandarin don't know what to make of the scene so the Czar buries himself in his research on future postings and the Mandarin goes back to tinkering on another laser interferometer that induces instantaneous state change in the outer electrons in Xeon molecules.  What he's doing with it, we're not sure.

Christmas Bounty

As we sat in our pyjamas around the tree, the stump still oozing blood, in the Castle’s Great Room, we happy Gormogons took stock of what we received from each other.

‘Puter received a very lovely chainsaw (from the Czar), a home vivisectionist kit (from the Mandarin), a polytransic stabilizer (from GorT), and a box of snuff (from the Volgi).

GorT received a bottle of Old Forrester bourbon (from the Czar), a Blu-Ray of Forbidden Planet (from the Mandarin), a box of monkey condoms (from ‘Puter), and a 208-volt three-phase Belgian waffle maker with safety guard and mounting bracket suitable for a workbench (from the Volgi).

Volgi received a vintage 11th Century double-edged bearded axe (from the Czar), a 750ml bottle of the Liao drug (from the Mandarin), a box of used up Brian Dennehy porn videos (VHS, from ‘Puter), and a neuralytic de-animaser (from GorT, and in brushed nickel; very cool).

Mandarin received a “Don’t Tread On Me” T-shirt (from the Czar), a Deep Color player (from GorT), a home Beaujolais kit (from ‘Puter), and a wind-up Godzilla toy that shoots sparks out its mouth (from Volgi).

The Czar received a human skull drinking flash (possibly real, from the Mandarin), a hunk of filet mignon (from ‘Puter), a ChiaObama (from Volgi), and a Colt M3411A1 .501 caliber caseless pistol with skeletonized grips and skeletonized former owner (from GorT).

Sleestak received a severe beating, of course, and Dat Ho received absolutely nothing, and the little bastard once again cried himself to sleep, promising that tomorrow would be a brighter day. Good luck with that. Cái này thật xấu.

Hail and farewell. Let's go to the videotape.

George Michael (1939–2009). Back in the 1980s, Washington’s WRC had the local newscast to watch, and Michael was one of the main reasons. The rest of the country knew his Sports Machine (with one working button), but if you were in D.C. at the time, he was the guy to go to for entertaining sports and nonsense. Like all showmen, he had more than a little ridiculousness in his schtick, but he made it work up until a couple years ago when he quit the business rather than cut his staff’s salaries. May he rest in peace.

Now we goin’ ol’ skool

A classic revisited

Re: China bitchslaps us.

And to return to an unpleasant point, Confucius must mention again that, in our insular egotism, Americans of goodwill tend to assume everyone is as anti-racist as we are. When nothing of the sort is the case. Not least in China. This is not in the least to suggest that America should not put its accomplished black citizens front and center—we should. But we must realize that tribalistic bigotry is universal—and likely hardwired in our evolved-in-small-kin-group-hominid psyches—and take appropriate action. If China slights Barack Obama, we must push back especially hard, lest contempt for blacks compound their contempt for him as an individual or for America in general.

Re: China Bitchslaps Us

And how significant was it?

No matter East or West, reading what really happened to President Obama can only be described as a middle finger to him, personally.

Read the link there, if you have any doubts about how much China despises President Obama, considers him a classical joke, and will continue to humiliate him further. It’s baaaaad.

So now, Libs, you have your choice. You all elevated China to this wonderful model of an economic miracle beyond reproach. You also elevated the President to the beatific level. That spells love triangle, and you know who gets screwed in a love triangle? The one in the middle of the other two. (Pssst: that’s you, Libs!)

The next three years will reveal much about China that those on the Left will wish they had never seen.

China bitchslaps us.

They apparently took down Copenhagen singlehandedly (about which I’m not displeased); but as FotG David Frum notes:

And not only wrecked the talks, but did so with a conscious display of disdain toward the West generally and President Obama personally.

Surprised? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

As the Mandarin and Confucius* can tell you: face (面子) matters to us Chinese. A display of public contempt is to be taken even more seriously from our countrymen than it is from a Western leader. It is much more significant.

* For those who came in late: Confucius is the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi.

Ruminantting

So in the late 1960s, we had the Johnsonian Era.

Followed by Nixonian.

Logically, Fordian and Carterian would follow, but there seems to be little usage of that.

This was followed by Reaganite.

Then, we had the plain Bush Era, followed by Clintonian. Naturally, we had a return to the established Bush Era.

The Czar humbly suggests this time be referred to as the Obamish Era.

Thoughts?

Rest in peace, sir.

WACO (December 23, 2009)—Retired Army Col. Robert L. Howard, 70, who died Wednesday in Waco, was a Medal of Honor winner who at the time of his death was believed to be the most-decorated living American soldier. …

Howard, who grew up in Opelika, Ala., enlisted in the Army in 1956 at the age of 17 and retired as a full colonel in 1992.

In Vietnam, he served in the U.S. Army Special Forces and spent most of his five tours in the secret Military Assistance Command, Vietnam-Studies and Observation Group, or MACV-SOG, which was an unconventional force whose members were assigned to deep-penetration reconnaissance and interdiction missions.

He was nominated three times for the Medal of Honor, which he was awarded in 1971…


Rank and organization: First Lieutenant, U.S. Army, 5th Special Forces Group (Airborne), 1st Special Forces. Place and date: Republic of Vietnam, 30 December 1968. Entered service at: Montgomery, Ala. Born: 11 July 1939, Opelika, Ala. Citation:

For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty. 1st Lt. Howard (then Sfc .), distinguished himself while serving as platoon sergeant of an American-Vietnamese platoon which was on a mission to rescue a missing American soldier in enemy controlled territory in the Republic of Vietnam. The platoon had left its helicopter landing zone and was moving out on its mission when it was attacked by an estimated 2-company force. During the initial engagement, 1st Lt. Howard was wounded and his weapon destroyed by a grenade explosion. 1st Lt. Howard saw his platoon leader had been wounded seriously and was exposed to fire. Although unable to walk, and weaponless, 1st Lt. Howard unhesitatingly crawled through a hail of fire to retrieve his wounded leader. As 1st Lt. Howard was administering first aid and removing the officer's equipment, an enemy bullet struck 1 of the ammunition pouches on the lieutenant's belt, detonating several magazines of ammunition. 1st Lt. Howard momentarily sought cover and then realizing that he must rejoin the platoon, which had been disorganized by the enemy attack, he again began dragging the seriously wounded officer toward the platoon area. Through his outstanding example of indomitable courage and bravery, 1st Lt. Howard was able to rally the platoon into an organized defense force. With complete disregard for his safety, 1st Lt. Howard crawled from position to position, administering first aid to the wounded, giving encouragement to the defenders and directing their fire on the encircling enemy. For 3 1/2 hours 1st Lt. Howard's small force and supporting aircraft successfully repulsed enemy attacks and finally were in sufficient control to permit the landing of rescue helicopters. 1st Lt. Howard personally supervised the loading of his men and did not leave the bullet-swept landing zone until all were aboard safely. 1st Lt. Howard's gallantry in action, his complete devotion to the welfare of his men at the risk of his life were in keeping with the highest traditions of the military service and reflect great credit on himself, his unit, and the U.S. Army.

Lego M1911A1

One assumes this could have been BorePatch as a child ‘cept for the accent.

Minor grumble. The lad went on a bit about how full-featured his Colt M1911A1 is. Except he appears to have missed the grip safety. The Czar writes this off because (a) it would be tough to implement the grip safety and still insert a Lego magazine, and (b) like too many M1911A1 owners, the kid would have just defeated the grip safety anyway.

Glad to see this level of engineering still exists in the English speaking world. The lad should be proud of himself; he's gone about as far as he legally can with a handgun.

Well, I now kinda do.

Fanmail: Why We Rock and Why Burnsville Will Roll

JAB writes back.

I wanted to say thanks for the thoughtfulness and good humor, both are rare enough on their own let alone in combination. And your site has none of those annoying, seizure-inducing flashing adverts!

You are quite welcome; and no, we do not feature the annoying Netflix popup, the story on how a housewife bleached her teeth for $5, or any of the other secrets the industry does not want you to know.

Should you ever be in Nashville...I advise you to eat at the Loveless Motel. It is a gem, and I am quite certain that their biscuits are served in heaven to St. Peter himself.

Duly noted!

Now to a point of politics....I have noticed that a lot of dust has been raised over the "Louisiana Purchase" and the "Cornhusker Kickback" and all the other buy-offs needed to pass a lousy 2400-page bill. People do things they're proud of in the light of day, don't they? So, the dead of night voting schedule is telling.
Well, I have a theory that there's another little thing that will truly outrage the locals here in fly-over country.

I don't think they'll be pleased that their modest sideline business is gonna get a 10% federal levy.Seems that the proposed 5% tax on Botox and cosmetic surgery got dropped. Mysterious? Not so much. The way I see it, all those Senators' wives/mistresses/ chiefs-of-staff (interchange as needed) must have threatened to pull a "Lysistrata" if their Botox wasn't handy. And the good Senators realized that wives/mistresses/ chiefs-of-staff (interchange as needed) really WOULD look better and less wrinkly with Botox.

So instead...hey guys, let's add a 10% tax on tanning parlors. That's right, the US Senate is coming to Betty's Beauty Barn to fund "health care reform."

Now, one of my favorite examples of American capitalism can be found in the tiny hamlet of Burnsville, Mississippi (between Corinth and the Alabama state line). The BP station sells the usual stuff (snuff, cigs, motor oil, hunting sundries), plus they've got a diner. And they have a boat-repair business that always seems busy. AND...they have a tanning bed. Think I'm kidding---well not even a little bit.

Those folks are unfailingly friendly and they work hard. But I don't think they'll be pleased that their modest sideline business is gonna get a 10% federal levy. Furthermore, when spring rolls around, the young ladies, and the used-to-be-young ladies, will discover that getting their legs nice and tan for their "Daisy Dukes" is gonna be pricier. Neither they nor their Bubbas will be very happy at the insult. Hark, the sound of pitchforks being sharpened!

Happiest of holidays to you and yours!

Well, Burnsville, you read it here first. How about it?

Now is the time...

...for all good men to come to the aid of their country.

People should be asking a few simple questions:  (1) if healthcare reform was so critical that it needed to be enacted in Augustbefore Thanksgivingbefore Christmas, then why is over 90% of the actions implemented by ObamaCare not enacted for 4 years?  (2) if this was so critical, why did multiple senators need "special encouragement" to sign on?  (3) if these "special encouragements" weren't backdoor deals or at least questionable, then why are some of the recipients now considering returning said encouragements?  (4) is this more important than the economy and job recovery and bringing hope and change to politics in America?

Defeat Even In Victory

Congratulations to President Obama on his spectacular victory for healthcare.

As you recall, the President had a clear goal for healthcare reform with only these six key features:

—It would not add to the deficit and will be completely paid off upfront.

—It would require cuts in costs if the savings would not be realized.

—It introduces significant quality control into all aspects of the treatment process.

—It eliminates fraud and abuse within the system.

—It requires total malpractice reform.

—It makes insurance available to all people either through private plans or a public plan.

And due to the President’s brilliant leadership, the Senate are moments away from passing a bill which, thanks to the President’s own party, features none of these things.

What a proud day.

Mailbag: Solstice at the Castle

Hail Czar of Muscovy,
I trust all is well in Castle Gormogon on this longest night in the Northern Hemisphere.

A wise man, for most people say it is the longest day of the year. It is not: the day remains 24 hours long. Yes, it is true that the Mandarin experimented with longer and shorter days in the 1980s, but things were messing up Confucius’* ephemeris, so the Mandarin put it all back. However, we Northern Hemisphere dwellers (ranked third in popularity!) still enjoy the longest night of the year.

Have the druids gathered on the lawn for their Solstice celebration? I have heard rumors, hints and allegations that they claim the castle has some pagan significance. If only the fiends knew!

Not that we have seen, but if any druids attempt to dance on our lawn, we shall indeed have some hilariously eviscerating surprises for them. Unless you mean the druids that work down at Cut Throat Drugs and Sundries, over on Pershing and Westmoreland. Toss them a few sugar packets and they’ll be fine. They dont’t even come around like they used to.

But I did not once again darken the Czar's mailbox with my drivel to discuss the fundamental fallacy of druids and their ancient rituals sun and moon worship.

No?

I took the opportunity this afternoon to watch the tubeage that your Czarness posted showing the two human heads contained in capsules talking at each other. Jolly good fun, though the one seemed rather shouty. Your point, I think, is well-made, but it fails to address the true issue the press faces. In light of the ever concealed reality of their political masters, the dutiful lapdogs of the popular press have seen their ratings whither by rebroadcasting vacuous talking points. To survive they must stir up controversy, and thus a star is born by barking at the master rather than sitting meekly upon his lap. MSNBC may attempt to spin this bold conduct as evidence of their fair and balanced bona fides. Of course it's hardly that.

Undoubtedly someone is trying to act like a liberal’s idea of Beck or Limbaugh. Fine, and good luck. But we here at the Castle are ultimately a patriotic bunch, and recommend showing some respect to a member of Congress. Heck, even if Barney Frank burst through the door, ‘Puter would still refer to him as Sir or Mister (to his face). And we all know how those two get along behind the scenes.

In this case, I suspect this is an example of a Morlock let loose on an unsuspecting Eloi. I believe the Mandarin has been breeding Morlocks again.

This is indeed a painful possibility, but if so, the Morlocks look a lot better than they used to. Or going to.

How he escaped the Castle I cannot guess. But if the Morlocks have chosen to hide as press lapdogs, a bloodbath is a near certainty. Morlocks tolerance for the banality the press feeds on is notoriously low. Also, you may want to ask GorT as he knows the answer already, but I suspect Al Franken may also be a Morlock.

See, that’s the problem. Thanks to GorT, we now have Morlocks in the past and present. Don’t befriend the Morlocks, dont’t get them wet, and never feed them after midnight. Three simple rules, and he broke all three.

Hope that the vampires were a pleasant diversion.
Best regards,
Joe Tetreault

Well, what a nice letter!

The Czar knows that TJIC is even having a contest based on the Czar’s outrage (great idea!), but curiously the sentiment around here is one of agreement. You can hate a congresswoman all you want, even a fellow liberal one, but for God’s sake...what simpleminded, glorified poli sci major (i.e., snob jock) has the pomposity to talk down to a member of Congress as if she’s a bar wench at Bombers Burrito Bar who asked him one more time to take his popped collar, after-shave-soaked ass off the sill before he fell through the front window? And only after his third margarita?

The Czar wields very little influence here, but would award Dylan Ratigan a Bootie Award.

*For those who came in late, Confucius is the Gormogons’ Œcumenical Volgi. For those who came in later, Volgi posts here. For those who really came in late, this is a website.

The Fault, Dear Brutus, Is Not In Our Stars

Lefties are besides themselves trying to figure out whom to blame for the total failure of Copenhagen. Even the mainstream press is concluding Nothing Got Done.

Some say it was China’s fault. Fools. China never seriously meant to participate at Copenhagen. The whole thing was, for them, a monumental publicity stunt. This is why China announced massive programs to convert to green energy (despite showing no prior interest in doing so and having done exactly nothing in that regard since), insisted on radical and ridiculous cuts in emissions, and yet opposed any such limits for themselves. It was joke, designed to see how much the world economy was willing to cut its own throat to increase Chinese profitability.

Others (particularly pro-environment European bloggers) lay the blame at the United Nations. If only they had let the right amount of NGOs in to present, and if only they had allowed for longer talks instead of an arbitrary deadline, and if only they had treated it with the respect it deserved rather than allow partisan bickering control the flow of the conversation. Wake up, potheads: the UN is a clueless, bankrupt organization that is itself the intrabred spawn of partisan politicking and corruption. Blaming them for the failure of Copenhagen is like blaming the catering hall when the bride announces during the benediction that she just nailed all five groomsmen in the coat check room.

Still, a good many naturally blame the United States, and even President Obama. Why? Because the USA refused to give up its unabashed capitalist interests and comply with 1910-era emission requirements. Yes, things under President Obama are just as bad as they were under Bush! Except now you have our President hopping around the globe like a jackrabbit leaving pellets of apology everywhere. Perhaps it’s America’s fault that the Ghanian delegate had a blemish on his poached salmon fork, too.

Well, forget it. There is one and only one group to blame for Copenhagen, no matter what side you’re on: the Left.

Sure, the Conservatives blame the Left for even having the conference in the first place, spending millions of dollars in high-profile travel, limousines, fancy restaurants, and swanky accommodations yet accomplishing jack. Imagine how many hungry mouths could have been fed this holiday season.

But look at this from the standpoint of the Left. You freaking had it. You had it all: the whole ball of wax. The Big Enchilada. You had hundreds of left-leaning delegates, all willing to suspend their economies and re-invent global business on your terms, in near secrecy, with little to stop or impede you.

The deniers? They weren’t even invited. The Hadley CRU incident? It was largely kept out of the press. America’s GOP? Distracted by a shiny healthcare trainwreck.

You had the whole thing in your hands, and you dropped it.

Instead, dear Lefties, of wondering whom to blame, you can simply look into the mirror and say “We effed it up. The whole thing. We screwed ourselves. We are not as smart nor as clever nor as innocent nor as noble as we pretend to be. We bought our own brand of bullshit, and reality kicked us right in the teeth. For a moment, we had it—and we proved to the world that we can’t handle it.”

You probably won’t get another chance at it, or at best, you won’t get much of one in future. Just like when you wrecked dad’s new car the first time he trusted you and your friends with it. You won’t be given another chance, so you might as well grow up a bit and write it all off as serious wisdom gained. At least you can profit from that.

This Is Actually Quite Ugly

Whatever your view of the healthcare bill, what follows is just asinine.

And yes: the Czar is aware that this is how Republicans and convervatives alike are treated by the MSM, and that now the Left can enjoy a taste of their own medicine. That isn’t the point.



The point is that MSNBC believes it acceptable for a loud-mouth jackass to show utter disrespect to a member of the United States Congress simply so that he can spout off his own bizarre fantasies. Even ten years ago, this talking head would be looking for work in a new industry within hours of this broadcast as would the director for not cutting to a commercial.

Welcome to Hope and Change, wherein a desparate Left is lashing violently out for diminishing attention.

Headline Skimming

The Czar thought there might be more to this ESPN headline:

Childress wanted Favre to come out

But there wasn't.

Also, here’s a weird pair that came very close on our news feed:

US Officer 'draws gun' on snowball fight crowd

Hugh Jackman Is A Snowball-Throwing Kid At Heart

Sidenote: you think the BBC is delighted with the idea that your typical American cop pulls a gun out on a few little kids having a snowball fight, unlike the bobbies who carry no weapons but can verbally quiet a thousand-member football riot?

Of course, this was no tiny snowball fight, was a mob of angry college leftists looking to start trouble, and found the perfect unbalanced detective to target. Oh, and UK? Your police are armed. You just refuse to admit it to the rest of the world that your gun control program is a failure. But keep playing the fantasy; it entertains the colonials just as much.

Howard Zinn: Conspiracy Theorist

In the face of such unrelenting grimness, A People's History offers a certain consolation. "The American system is the most ingenious system of control in world history," writes Zinn. It uses wealth to "turn those in the 99 percent against one another" and employs war, patriotism, and the National Guard to "absorb and divert" the occasional rebellion. So "the people" can never really win, unless and until they make a revolution. But they can comprehend the evil of this four-hundred-year-old order, and that knowledge will, to an extent, set them free.
Thus, a narrative about demonic elites becomes an apology for political failure. By Zinn's account, the modern left made no errors of judgment, rhetoric, or strategy. He never mentions the Communist Party's lockstep praise of Stalin or the New Left's fantasy of guerilla warfare. Radical activists simply failed to muster enough clear-eyed troops to pierce through the enemy's mighty, sophisticated defenses.

Writes Michael Kazin, an actual historian, and a man of of the Left.

Via Ron Radosh, whose piece on the same topic is very much worth your time.

Looking forward

I wonder what kind of backroom deals and promises were made to the "on the fence" senators to agree to the Reid bill?  Likely most of them will include some job protection/offers for next fall when their complete disregard for the opinion's of the American people they represent comes back in force and these people become former senators.  Keep an eye out next winter for appointments by this administration for those democrat senators because we know that they've left the "most open, honest and ethical congress ever" mantra behind and are now the "most closed, underhanded, and dishonest congress ever" as supported by the poll numbers we've already shown.  Clearly, they won't be able to be elected into any office, so they will rely on appointment positions to care for their future while their legacy flushes the rest of our futures down the toilet. 

This is the kind of "hope and change" that the Obama administration has brought to DC.  Where the passage of a wildly unpopular bill that even isn't fully written and hardly disclosed to the public out of fear of even lower poll numbers is being pushed through for some reason.  We have (until this bill goes through) a medical system that is the envy of much of the world.  People come from all over seeking treatment.  The future looks bleak as we try to mimic the healthcare systems of other countries where people aren't thrilled about it.

Why the Science Can't Be Settled

So what does a climatologist say about the Hadley CRU incident?

As the Gormogons have been saying for a while, it’s “just the tip of the iceberg.” But read for yourself: Dr. Patrick J. Michaels is a climatologist of considerable reputation who takes our position: climate is changing as it always does, but we do not know the extent, the cause, or whether this is even remotely cause for concern—let alone action.

Which is all great. But his opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal says something quite different but equally important: that there has been a massive, well-funded effort to bury any contrary evidence and suppress discussion of the topic on logical foundations.

In other words, the science has never been settled, and there is by no means a consensus on the issue. Instead, it may very well be that most climatologists fall into the skeptical camp, but that Big Environment will not allow this fact to become known.

Dr. Michaels adds that future research will always be tainted by the Hadley CRU emails. All serious research will be lensed through that event, so that any positive findings on global warming will be dimissed as fraud; any negative findings will be seen as selling out. And science needs both positive and negative to foster a discussion.

By the way, check out the character assassination of Dr. Michaels on Wikipedia. The Czar found quite a bit of disasteful phrasing and editing there, but the discussion page shows that every case of it has at least been flagged. Not fixed, of course, but flagged.

Still A Mile Away From Getting It

[David Axelrod] criticized Republican senators on Sunday for trying to halt final action [on the healthcare bill], saying the American people deserve a vote.

Good idea. That way it could be defeated by a 3:1 margin.

This sort of comment shows once again how vastly out of touch the Obama camp is from what the American people want and need. Axelrod does not even appear to grasp the enormous unpopularity of the bill, and continues to live in a fantasy.

Mailbag: JAB Writes In...

Unexpurgated.

Your Czarness:

It pains your humble correspondent, but I really must beg to disagree with your summary of that fancy-pants Copenhagen meetin’ as a “complete flop.”

Perhaps your Czarness is merely out of sorts?

Dare I suggest, that as great song advises, that your Czarness “Keep on the Sunny Side of Life”?

For, had not all the mugwhumps assembled in snowy, lovely, and ever-so-pricey, Copenhagen, the dreary lives of the unwashed masses (though not quite so unwashed as some of them Greenies would have us be) would have been ever-so-much-more dreary.

Consider, if you would, that the Romans baited bears and did unmentionable things to Christians, so that the masses might be entertained. Yeah, it was expensive, just like Copenhagen, but it kept those plebeians all jolly and nobody rioted. Well, not often anyway.

We ought to thank our betters for providing us such fun in the bleak of winter—where else could one have had such street theater, as lovingly detailed by that nice Mr. Iowahawk?

Furthermore, I suggest to you that our lives have been further enriched immeasurably by seeing clearly what a fat lot of jackasses are currently exalted in the world. Why, my addled cousin Bubba makes more sense...and he ain’t right.

Consider the wonder of Hugo Chavez suggesting the our own Obama carries the scent of sulfur, just like Ole Scratch himself. Therefore, Bush & Obama do have something in common, so sayeth the Lefties’ fave Chavez. Right after he suggested that his own country should be compensated should their oil revenue fall.

Or perhaps you might pause to guffaw at the idea of Meles Zenawi, the not-so-totally-democratic leader of Ethiopia, touting, apparently with straight face, his plan for rich countries to send ginormous amounts of money to poorer ones. He said that he would “ACCEPT” $30 billion/year initially, so long as the amount would rise to $100 billion/year by 2020. Right big of him to accept such a pittance, ain’t it?

Chuckle with us plebeians for a moment, as we picture the odious Robert Mugabe saying that, “When these capitalist gods of carbon burp and belch their dangerous emissions, it’s we, the lesser mortals of the developing sphere, who gasp and sink and eventually die.” Knowing his tender mercies to those poor wretches who disagree with his rule in Zimbabwe, we surely must wonder when his conversion to concern took place.

Could one begin to imagine Obama’s private meeting with Wen Jiabao. I reckon it went something like this.... President Obama: “Sure, yeah, Hillary pledged $100 billion we don’t have...just put it on our tab.” Hu Jintao: [I don’t actually know no Chinese swear-words, perhaps Mr.Mandarin can me out help?]

Such theatre...such amusements as these are, as the MasterCard ad says “Priceless.”

And you get the added extra benefit of seeing our elected leaders cavorting around like the Kool-Aid they drank was doctored up with some seriously suspect hooch.

Brings me to mind of the advice my granny told me.... You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.

Always on the sunny side,

JAB

PS: Due to the cuffing I got from your Czarness for my earlier shameless self-promotion (ya’ mean there’s another kind?), I shall refrain from listing a title/office. Suffice it to say I reside in a fine doublewide in the Southeastern Quadrant a.k.a. “Hotville.”

Both barrels, JAB!

“I’m your huckleberry.”

That means, “I’m your man,” or “I’m game.” Just FYI. Why would that come to mind? Hmm…

…Paramount just bought the spec to The Further Adventures of Doc Holliday

says Vicenzo at FilmDrunk. The Gormogons are FedExing a treadmill and tubercular makeup to Rancho del Ocultación*, and we’re sending ’Puter to have a little discussion with the producers. The kind where a studio jackwad gets his head twisted off pour encourager les autres.

* Also, if you wanna help an Imam out, you can take it off his hands for $33 mil or so.

Copenhagen A Complete Flop

But a powerful agreement was reached, no? Depends on whom you ask.

BBC News reports that a meaningful agreement has been reached at Copenhagen! Read on, because only the US, China, India, and South Africa made the agreement, and the agreement consisted only of a method of verifying how much a country reduces its emissions.

In essence, if the goal of a conference were to, say, make the perfect pound cake, and had 200 bakers around the world, the only thing agreed among four bakers was to use a measuring cup.

How nice that the US just spent millions of dollars to fly the President, Speaker of the House, and other high-ranking liberals to a two-day European jaunt on our dime so that nothing could be done. No, the Czar doesn’t mean about the environment; he is referring to the total lack of progress on the domestic needs of Americans which could hardly be more neglected at this point.

Greenpeace’s UK Executive Director sneered at the non-result of Copenhagen, saying “It is now evident that beating global warming will require a radically different model of politics than the one on display here in Copenhagen.” Agreed. And US voters will begin that process in 2010 by voting out liberals.