Kentucky Woman

Whatever did we do in the benighted days when we didn't have lawyers to protect us from evil malefactors? Why, we usually worked the problem out ourselves, without violence, and without need for judicial intervention.

But, to give our attorney brethren credit, they have fought to preserve our fundamental rights as Americans. Like this genius in Kentucky who is protecting a shrinking violet's right to dress like a prostitute in public. Poor, poor Kymberly (note the one-step-from-pay-to-play spelling of her handle) was tossed out of a mall for wearing a skirt deemed too short by the local mall cop. Rather than simply calling the mall, registering a complaint against the mall cop and probably getting an apology and a gift certificate to the local Waffle House, Kymberly called a lawyer.

I've just about had it with Americans, who, when their feelings get hurt over a minor slight, hire an attorney, rather than sacking up and dealing with the issue.

And I wait, with bated breath, to see the magnum opus of a complaint that Eastern Kentucky's legal solons can craft from this unholy mess of a fact pattern. My bet? Either intentional or negligent infliction of emotional distress. I hope Eastern Kentucky's bench is saner than its lawyers, and the first judge who gets the case dismisses it and sanctions the filing attorney.

And, Kymberly, enjoy your skanky 15 minutes of fame. The rest of your dreary, unimportant, meaningless existence is ahead of you.