I Got My Grade!

Mr. Ghettoputer,

In reviewing your exam, I was troubled by your absolute misunderstanding of Constitutional Law. Of course, noting your less than stellar attendance record, and further noting that on the few occasions you deigned to grace my class with your presence, you were nursing a hangover, I should not be surprised. However, given that I spent each class period pontificating on the only correct form of constitutional analysis, I was still shocked that even someone as unsuited to the legal profession as you missed the point. For your edification, I've included the model answer your fellow classmate Hillary Rodham gave.

"There is only one correct method of analyzing the United States Constitution. Justice William O. Douglas in Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479, 484 (1965), stated that 'specific guarantees in the Bill of Rights have penumbras, formed by emanations from those guarantees that help give them life and substance.' Using this prime directive of legal interpretation, Justice Douglas made up out of whole cloth -- I mean inferred -- a theretofore nonexistent constitutional right to privacy that required states permit unfettered access to abortions on demand at any time.

PART I

Utilizing this brilliant bit of legal analysis, I find that there must be an emanation from the penumbra of the Third Amendment that permits gay marriage, adoption by gays and rent-a-womb. The correctness of my application of Douglas' analytical tool is so self-evident as to require no further explication.

PART II, Subparts A and B

Again, as the only correct constitutional analysis is to determine what rights emanate from the penumbras of the individual Bill or Rights Amendments. It is evident that a right to credit regardless of credit history, a job regardless of ability and race based preferences regardless of merit emanates from the penumbra of the Second Amendment.

Q.E.D. (That's Latin for "so there")."

Mr. Ghettoputer, I have given you a grade of "C-" for your exam. Though you missed the essential point of Constitutional Law, you did glean that the Constitution is a living, breathing text, and that a form of postmodern analysis is appropriate. Unfortunately, as you are not a member of a traditionally disadvantaged minority group, I could not give you a bonus multiplier for your grade.

Enjoy the remains of your summer, and remember, we are the change we've been waiting for.

The Junior Senator From Illinois