- The best intelligence test is to put a person behind the wheel of a car. Almost no one would pass.
- People who look at flowers generally enjoy them more than people who eat them.
- Stay away from folks who kill any person they meet. There may be something wrong with them.
- Be safe! Many people choke eating whole pieces of fruit.
- Marry a nurse and you'll never want for bedpans again.
- No matter what the naturalists tell you, dung beetles lead pretty miserable lives.
- The things we find most humiliating are often the things we do really well.
- A lot of people probably owe you some money. Call them.
- People who nod slowly when you speak to them aren't remotely listening to you.
- Never take financial advice from someone who isn't wildly rich.
- Cows are slower than horses; and they smell worse but taste better.
- People who hate snakes usually have few problems with shoes.
- The slower the emergency services, the worst the outcome.
- Those who enjoy extreme sports make a lot of noise.
- The cod is not a happy fish.
- The only good way to end a war is to beat the other side senseless.
Putin Should be Time's "Person of the Year"
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